A Little Humor by Pop-Pop's Net & Games

now that last one I loved, Bush Jr. the rapper LOL

Pop's

The Hillbilly Love Poem

Ruby lee done fell in love;
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy 'bout it all
She told her pappy so.
Pappy told her, ruby gal,
You'll have to find another.
I'd just as soon yo' ma don't know,
But Joe is yo' half brother.
So ruby put aside her Joe
And planned to marry Will,
But after telling pappy this,
He said, there's trouble still.
You can't marry Will, my gal,
And please don't tell yo' mother,
But Will and Joe, and several mo'
I know is yo' half brother.
But mama knew and said, my child,
Just do what makes yo' happy
Marry Will or marry Joe.
You ain't no kin to pappy.

Official Announcement:

"The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.
A condom allows for inflation, halts production,
destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of
pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being
screwed.
Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that."

The following came my way via an E-mail some months back in 2004--I just recently uncovered it again:

Dear Friends,

My wife Toni is fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be something akin to, "hey y'all, hold my beer and watch this!" Well, I have outdone myself once again. No doubt you will see this true story chronicled in a LifeTime movie in the near future. Here goes.

Last weekend I spied something at Larry's Pistol and Pawn that tickled my fancy. (Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled). I bought something really cool for Toni. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my sweet girl. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer gun with a clip. For those of you who are not familiar with this product, it is a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage electricity while you flee to safety. The effects are supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time to retreat to safety. You simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb. tattooed assailant, push the button, and it will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching, whimpering, pencil-neck geek.

If you've never seen one of these things in action, then you're truly missing out--way too cool!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was so disappointed. Upon reading the directions (we don't need no stinkin' directions), I found much to my chagrin that this particular model would not create an arch between the prongs. How disappointing! I do love fire for effect. I learned that if I pushed the button, however, and pressed it against a metal surface that I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs that I was so looking forward to. I did so. Awesome!!! Sparks, a blue arch of electricity, and a loud pop!!! Yipeeeeee . . I'm easily amused, just for your information, but I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries, etc., etc. There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul), reading the directions (that would be me, not Gracie) and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie for a fraction of a second and thought better of it. She is such a sweet kitty, after all. But, if I was going to give this thing to Toni to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? Seemed reasonable to me at the time....

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

All the while I'm looking at this little device (measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no friggin' way!" Friggin' way--trust me, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. Those of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea of what followed. I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it buddy," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad (sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't you agree?).

I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the hell of it. (Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight--always twenty-twenty. It is so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so right at the time. Don't ya hate that?)

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY
**************! DAaaaauuuuuuMN!!! I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, picked me up out of that recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet over and over again.

I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position. Gracie was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!" (Note: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution. There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You're not going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. Then, if you're lucky, you won't dislodge one of the prongs 1/4" deep in your thigh like yours truly.) SON-OF-A-***** that hurt!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at this point), I collected my wits what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both titties were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, as my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. give or take an ounce or two, I'm pretty sure.

By the way, has anyone seen my testicles? I think they ran away. I'm offering a reward. They're round, rather large, kinda hairy, and handsome if I must say so myself. Miss 'em . . . sure would like to get 'em back.

too funny, that sounds just a little to familiar. that's right, i also did it to myself. although a wee bit smarter if possible. mine would arc when button pushed so contact wasn't necessary and i sure as hell waited till the batteries were almost dead, not with a new set. a little zap to the thigh and your whole side just straightens up the the stun gun got launched across the room. amazing power for batteries needing replacement. luckily or unluckily, i also sat on the damn thing while in pocket, batteries still not replaced, thankfully. that was a sudden rude awakening although not as effective as the fear of zapping myself was a rush so accidently doing it just wasn't the same. that is one way to get out of a chair quick though. while getting off floor and wondering to yourself, 'how f*****g stupid can you get. never had to actually use it in public, but when the kids i was raising at the time heard the zapping sound, the pretty much would behave, as they witnessed the self zap.

wish i could find one over here, they are great for protection. stick that baby in the back pocket and ride off on motorbike with no worries, lol.

[quote="wish i could find one over here, they are great for protection. stick that baby in the back pocket and ride off on motorbike with no worries, lol.[/quote]

Dont you learn ? I almost wet myself laughing when you said you had it in your pocket and accidentally sat on it - what I would have given to see that !!!!! LOL

And then you wanna put one in your back pocket whilst riding a motorbike ????

I would keep one a little closer to hand for all those smart fcukers who think they can squeeze through and who cares about my side mirrors !!!!

I only drive down Soi Jintakhan now with the window down and my fist ready to punch the next college kid who takes away my paint as he squeezes past (no batteries required)

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father.

He asked if they were willing to try it out, and they were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go head and kick it up a notch.

Surprised, the doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.

The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.

At this point they decided to try for 50%.

The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer all the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.

But when they got home, the mailman was lying dead on the porch.

."

I came upon this only today--it was in an inspirational-type E-mail I receive that is generally related to physical fitness. The author of the E-mail had been sent the story by one of his audience, so he decided to share it. I thought it was extremely cute! Here it is:

In case you aren

Another good oldie, Bobby's letter from camp:

Dear Mom And Dad,

Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and are worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.

Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.

Scoutmaster Keith got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up? The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. Mathew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.

We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Keith gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Keith said that with a bus that old you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance. We think it's a neat bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the fenders. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrol man stopped and talked to us.

Scoutmaster Keith is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Jessie how to drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we ever see up there are logging trucks.

This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake. Scoutmaster Keith wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.

Scoutmaster Keith isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Steven and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Keith said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison.

I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?

I have to go now. We are going to town to mail our letters and buy some more beer. Don't worry about anything. We are fine.

Love, Bobby

heard this one today....

A woman was very distraught over the fact that she had not had a date or any sex for over 5 years, She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decide to seek medical expertise of the well known Chinese sex therapist Dr Chang

Upon entering the examination room Dr Chang said, "OK, take off all your crose"

The woman did as she was told. "Now get down and craw reery, reery fass to the odder side of room"

Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery reery fass back to me"

As she did Dr Chang shook his head slowly "Your problem vewy bad, You have
Ed Zachery Disease Worse case I ever see, Dat why you not have sex or dates"

The woman asked anxiously "Oh my god, Dr Chang what is Ed Zachery Disease?"

Dr Chang sighed deeply and replied, "Ed Zachery Disease is when your face look Ed Zachery like your ass"!!

I hope no one has trouble getting this video to show....

http://www.xroadsfilms.com/batescomedycentral/

Took a while to load up but I found it amusing - even as a non-American.
seem like he gets a lot of stick - but also brings a lot of it on himself ?

"Wow - thats a lot of blinking" LOL

Nice one

It quite surprises me how heavily President Bush is lampooned by his American 'subjects,' Paul, and some of it is viciously good! A whole lot of Hollywood stars would have trouble accepting that degree of parodying, I'm sure!

And that mention of Hollywood allows me to segue to this parody of the guy--he's been superimposed as one of the characters in a trailer for the movie "The Wedding Crashers":

http://www.weddingcrashersmovie.com/crashthistrailer/index.htm?id=6473