Are Farangs 'sticky/stingy/tight/kee Neow.....?

I'll throw my song-stang in:

I lived in LOS doing the single thing for 2-3 years hoping to find that "holy grail" TGF who would make a good wife. Lost count, but damn there were a LOT. All of them phony, rotten, or scandalous. It was like living a seedy, and sometimes shady movie script most times. Then I got fed up, left for a bit, came back to say my goodbyes to all the friends/associates I met over the years when BAM! - at a mutual friend's birthday party, I met my wife. We asked around about each other and all seemed ok, so we both just let things happen and here we are now married almost 6 years with two awesomely wonderful children. We could not be happier.

She's more frugal than even I am. She buys all her clothes 2nd hand at the night markets, never wears jewelry unless we are in the village (a sort of a "how ya like me now?"/middle finger thing), manages the household budget and keeps a log of every THB 100 or more expenditure, etc., etc. I trust her completely and she is my best friend. Even when my lifelong best friends seem shaky, she's got my back.

We tried living in the USA for a couple of years, and she was willing to stay, but I figured "Damn, if she is willing to give up everything for me, I would rather give up everything for her". So, we moved back to LOS permanently a couple of years ago. I repeat and would shout from the mountaintop: we could not be happier. I am living my dreams.

Back on topic, I also have to admit that cost of living (and what I anticipate will happen to the dollar in the near future) is another reason for us returning. Hell yes; I am frugal. We four (five if including my 16 yo niece who stays with us) can all eat a hearty meal at a good restaurant for the price of two TV dinners back in the USA. I can have repairs done to our 2nd hand SUV for a fraction of what I would pay in the USA where it cost me $1,600 to fix a broken taillight (#$%@!). The best family medical coverage plan for a year here for all of us costs 1/2 what it would cost for a single month's premium in the USA. I can give a US ~$1.50 (THB 50) tip here, make the waitress ecstatic, and feel like a big shot whereas a waitress in the USA would probably hurl a plate at my head. I can get an hour massage for the price of a bottle of aspirin in the USA.

So, yes. I am khee neow and damn proud of it. I would venture to say that ALL of us living here are whether we are in denial or not.

Udonuk1, I know of the scenario you describe. I have a friend who has been through that a few times, - meeting the GF (originally through the Internet) at a local hotel, taking her and her chaperone for dinner, and then the next morning heading off to meet the greater family, via Tesco where they bought up a weeks supplies for the whole village. It seems to be a well established practice, something of a "cottage industry"!! The point is he and some people never seem to learn.

Khondam, nice to hear yet another happy and positive story.

I too, after many years of searching, have now found a good one. One who is genuine, honest and sincere and shows responsibility in what we spend money on, and who I believe really loves me, as I do her.

Finding the right partner, particularly in a foreign country and here in LOS can involve a very long and very disappointing journey. I think a significant factor is where people look for their "holy grail" (ideal partner). As a general rule, if one looks in the wrong places, one finds the wrong type of people. Also, far too many foreigners and seem to jump straight in with both feet, without taking time to properly get to know their new partner slowly and carefully.

I'm glad some of us have been successful.

I think Thais use the phrase "kee niow" to make us feel guilty about being (sensibly) frugal, and in support of their attempts to extract money from us, have us pay over the odds, or simply overcharge us. Why do I see so many of them eating at the roadside just as frugally? Or staff in a restaurant, bringing food in to eat themselves that they have bought from outside?

udonuk1 wrote:

Out of interest, why do you come to Thailand - surely it can't be for the exploitative, leeching, greedy women? Must be for the weather, the temples and the food.

To answer the question above, same as MOST others , I guess, firstly because it is cheap and , yes, secondly to look for nice lady. It has been a good lesson in learning about the female !

And also, Well, this is entertaining thread, too early to die ?

It is great to hear stories of sincere Thai ladies, it just doesn't tie in with my personal experiences, did you look for long time before you found these ladies ? For me they are like the Holy Grail, never to be found. My personal experiences are that as soon as your funds would run low, Thai lady lay low too. ALL Thai ladies

A typical scenario, is that you get on bus for long time, they meet you at bus station, with 4 mates, you have to immediately take them ALL to restaurant, they order the most expensive dish. Sometimes they say, "Ah best to buy takeout", then you have to buy half the street dinner too. These women sometimes get quite reasonable salaries, maybe half ours, but will they NEVER pay for anything.

Several times the date, has a boyfriend living with her already, "this is brother, he stay with us , he no have job" (he no need job stupid falang sponsor pay for him too).
Next day we go to local beauty spot in minivan. full of neighbours, i have to rent car from uncle, maybe pay for salary, "normally driver (s)he go to work today, if you pay him/her, then ... ok".
After paying entry and lunch for the minivan throng, you must fill up the tank with petrol. The brother (boyfriend) is in minivan too. She then takes you to BigC or Tesco on the way back, to buy shopping, ..... for a week, there are 8 trolleys' full of groceries, "can i buy this translator computer, so i can translate your sweet words ?".

Sometimes she stays the night with you, she says "i not like ladies in Udon, sleeping with you for money", but of course in the morning, she say, "ah i need buy more groceries, darling".
She says, "i will be your wife for 25k baht a month" ! You then get the impression that many many other farangs have been conned by this woman and her grasping entourage. One lady had 3 sons , all living at home, and the "brother". NONE of the sons worked, WOULD work. There was a talat jem around the corner, i said, "why can boys not have stall in talat to earn some cash ?, lady laughed !

After spending 1000s and 1000s on them all, they do not even bring wallets with them, you can still hear the words "Key Niao"

But it MEN's behaviour that encourages women to be like this too really, is my conclusion. Men must learn to do things for themselves, stop relying on these entitlment princesses !

Ok, variations of the buffalo stories but true nonetheless. BUT in all this it is your money, you are paying and as such YOU decide what you want to pay for! Not the lady, not her friends, not the family. That trick to bring a few friends to the first meal is classic. Thai girls like to bring friends to your first meeting as a security. That does not mean you have to pay for them. The same happened to me once. I met a girl, not for the first time, and she had two friends as company. We went to eat and the two friends and the girl took what was most expensive on the menue. When it was time for checkbin, I said two checkbins please. I pay for the two us, the girls pay for themselves. Of course they did not have the money for that. Big loss of face. But I thought it quite fun. Well, I did not see the girl again.

Great story, JR!

I must admit that I was a victim to the "Tesco Lotus Village Hustle" once and to the "Everyone Gets To Come To Dinner Hustle" twice. Small price to pay for tuition at Water Buffalo University. The other red flags popped up quickly and only once after those events. They were easy to spot, and I gleefully wished the gold-digging ladies "Choke Dee!" and farewell. I'm sure they're still hustling somewhere. Their methods weren't too intelligent or crafty.

As with some of the good luck stories on here, I was lucky to find a good lady who pinches the pennies better than I did and has the same value system when it comes to hard work, education and finances. I'm a lucky man.

Nice to hear that the last page of posters have genuine diamond Thai Wives. OT's thai wife is a bit of a handful at times and spends money like water, however that does not make our relationship any worse than having a perfectly well behaved wife who likes to hold on to the odd baht. No two relationships are the same although you guys seem to be painting this pretty picture of the best thai wives being kee neow. I quite like my mrs letting her hair down and treating herself to whatever we can afford - I doubt if I could live with a wife whos a boring f@rt. Anyway, everyone to their own I suppose.
OT....

old-timer wrote:Nice to hear that the last page of posters have genuine diamond Thai Wives. OT's thai wife is a bit of a handful at times and spends money like water, however that does not make our relationship any worse than having a perfectly well behaved wife who likes to hold on to the odd baht. No two relationships are the same although you guys seem to be painting this pretty picture of the best thai wives being kee neow. I quite like my mrs letting her hair down and treating herself to whatever we can afford - I doubt if I could live with a wife whos a boring f@rt. Anyway, everyone to their own I suppose.
OT....

So you are saying that a wife who has our economy in control is a boring f@rt? Man you have a really weird sense for reality. Not to mention common sense.

JR wrote:So you are saying that a wife who has our economy in control is a boring f@rt?

No, I'm not saying that. What I'm saying is that a wife does not need to be kee neow to be a good wife, especially if there is no need for it because you can easily afford a better lifestyle. My wife has never controlled my "economy", she just goes ahead and spends it.

OT.............

The other day my tgf asked her 9 year old son if he would like to go out for dinner. He asked how much it would cost. She told him and he said that was too much, better to go to market and cook at home. A few days later they were in the mall and she asked him if he would like to see a movie, again he asked how much to see a movie. She told him and he said, better we buy a dvd and save money than we can watch it many times at home. Some of you might not believe this but I assure you it is true. This is how my gf has taught her son who also happens to be a great kid who is very respectful and polite. I am very happy with both of them and could not ask for more.

jai yen yen wrote:The other day my tgf asked her 9 year old son if he would like to go out for dinner. He asked how much it would cost. She told him and he said that was too much, better to go to market and cook at home. A few days later they were in the mall and she asked him if he would like to see a movie, again he asked how much to see a movie. She told him and he said, better we buy a dvd and save money than we can watch it many times at home. Some of you might not believe this but I assure you it is true. This is how my gf has taught her son who also happens to be a great kid who is very respectful and polite. I am very happy with both of them and could not ask for more.

Forgive me, but I do not see how your wife and son, who by the sounds of things are great, are any better than a wife who buys whatever she wants and kids that will enjoy a day out at the movies rather than worry about the money.
You have lost me on this one. Personally speaking, I would encourage any one of my three sons to go to the movies rather than sit around the house. Also, my boys enjoy eating at sizzler or KFC or Mcdonalds or duck noodle at the place opposite wing 23 at midnight, rather than eat the cr@p sold in the rat infested market.

OT......

old-timer wrote:

jai yen yen wrote:The other day my tgf asked her 9 year old son if he would like to go out for dinner. He asked how much it would cost. She told him and he said that was too much, better to go to market and cook at home. A few days later they were in the mall and she asked him if he would like to see a movie, again he asked how much to see a movie. She told him and he said, better we buy a dvd and save money than we can watch it many times at home. Some of you might not believe this but I assure you it is true. This is how my gf has taught her son who also happens to be a great kid who is very respectful and polite. I am very happy with both of them and could not ask for more.

Forgive me, but I do not see how your wife and son, who by the sounds of things are great, are any better than a wife who buys whatever she wants and kids that will enjoy a day out at the movies rather than worry about the money.
You have lost me on this one. Personally speaking, I would encourage any one of my three sons to go to the movies rather than sit around the house. Also, my boys enjoy eating at sizzler or KFC or Mcdonalds or duck noodle at the place opposite wing 23 at midnight, rather than eat the cr@p sold in the rat infested market.

OT......

I agree with you, I am in Canada now and this happened while I was away. If I was there I would have said for sure lets go to the movies or go to dinner and ice cream at swensons after. My point was that my gf and family are very considerate and do not take advantage like so many people have expressed on this forum. I just want people to know that not all Thais are only after our money and are good decent people. It would be sad if all we heard was the negative stories and allow people to believe that this was all there was to Thailand and the Thai people.

old-timer wrote:

JR wrote:So you are saying that a wife who has our economy in control is a boring f@rt?

No, I'm not saying that. What I'm saying is that a wife does not need to be kee neow to be a good wife, especially if there is no need for it because you can easily afford a better lifestyle. My wife has never controlled my "economy", she just goes ahead and spends it.

old-timer wrote:

JR wrote:So you are saying that a wife who has our economy in control is a boring f@rt?

Oh, to be sure, there are times when our wives (or at least my wife) takes THOUGHTFUL splurges. When she feels like eating sushi, she eats sushi. When she feels like going to a spa, she goes to a spa.

It's just that having grown up poor (as did I), we both look at things in a practical manner. For example, we could afford to be driving around in luxury cars, but there is no point when a second hand SUV for her and the kids and a samlor for me gets us both to where we want to go. She could afford weekly shopping binges for the latest fashions paid from her own account, but there is no point when she's already got her man and he thinks she is still sexy as hell in a THB 50 ensemble bought from the same source where the night market vendors buy their inventory. She could be treating her friends and family out to lunch and dinners, but everyone is much more comfortable making som-tam together and eating it while chattering away on the porch. She could talk on the phone endlessly rather than stop and only accept incoming calls when her weekly THB 100 top-up is gone. I could go on.

I'll go out on a limb and say that from what I have observed from my "ethnically unique perspective", when many a TGF gets the promotion to TW, they try to act the part, try to be the part, or try to trick other (Thais) into overlooking that they are from Isaan and not from Bangkok (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colorism). They try by surrounding themselves with luxuries and change their spending habits to make other (Thais) envious. Strip the thick gold jewelry and the falang husband and many are right back to being just "from Isaan".

*******
"We" in America went through the same thing for decades but eventually got over that hump during the '90's. I have observed many parallels here in Thailand (find a pic of the Yellow/Red shirt negotiations and pay attention to who is sitting on each side of the table - if you can find one where they don't lighten up the picture as they always do) but they will eventually get over that hump, too.
*******

I think the thing we are saying is that a "good wife" (as we see it) is one who shares our values, treats us like the loving and caring husbands we are, is comfortable with being who she is and where she comes from, and doesn't change her ways simply because she is wealthier with us than before us. (Yes, my wife is fking AWESOME!!! ) One who understands fully that frugality and being khee-neow (or however one wants to spell it phonetically) are as similar as a a golf ball and an egg. From a distance they may look the same, but certainly are not when examined closely.

Hm, these posts give the impression that MOST Thai ladies are kind, and careful with your money, i think 99% are not, they just want to screw as much money as they can from you, they want easy easy life not working, distributing YOUR hard earned, hard saved cash to their relatives , who never saved a satang in THEIR LIVES. I am not talking about women bar girls, here, but the regular ones too. They have the impression that farangs are stupid , they call us all "bird ****" behind our backs.

Personally, if Thai "family" law favoured women as much as in the english speaking world, i believe Thai ladies would be MUCH MUCH worse than their western sisters.

I do believe that there are a few good Thai ladies around with personal morals, and it is great to hear about these few, but i think that also many farangs have not yet graduated from Water Buffalo university yet (hehe i like that expression WBU Alum). These farangs will get great lesson in life from these greedy entitlement Thai ladies, yes.

Some posts here do not seem to make the difference between Kee Niao for SHARED things and Kee Niao towards the Thai Wife/gf. These greedy Thai ladies WANT you to be Kee Niao when it comes to spending on YOU, but they want to bleed you dry when it comes to spending money on THEM.

I have only had 1 Tgf from Udon, she said initially that she wanted "farang with good heart, only for love nothing else". Well, after only 3 days of knowing each other, she turned up at my appartment with suitcase, saying she wants to stay a week, because she loves me. We had great time for 7 days, i paid for everything, clothes, cinema, bowling, food. Well, after 1 week, she gave me CheckBin for the week's "work". (I paid it btw but not the second one).

But , in general, WHY should men work and give money to women ? They earn equal salaries in the west, and many in Thailand get ok salaries . Since the 70s , men have changed behaviour towards women, but women have REMAINED greedy entitlement princesses leeching off men, and ALL the laws in the english speaking world FAVOUR them .

Womens' behaviour now has to change now too. Men must learn to choose the few good women out there, i am jealous of posters who have found these nice Thai ladies. Don't you think that the attractive ones are the worst , or is it just my experience ?









.

You cant compare your ....hmm...experience....or less of experience with other people on this forum who have long time relationship with thai women. For me it looks like you take a bargirl home for week and then have to pay the bill yah.....and to compare your bad story and less of experience on this one time bargirl story is an insult to all the good women in this country. How can you even say that you think that 99% of thai women are the same sort as your "girlfriend" when you never have a relationship with a real thai women?

udonuk1
Have you had experience with just one thai lady and who happened to come from Udon or was it one of the thai ladies you met who was from Udon?
You seem to be unaware of the huge differencies in thai and western cultures and ways of thinking. You compare earnings in the west with earnings here in Thailand. There is no comparison. And asian ladies do not have to change into western women and the way they think. I hope they never will.
It seems that you have had some bad experience with a thai lady and therefore assume that all thai ladies are the same. You also seem to have limited experience with women in general and asian women in particular and should therefore not make sweeping judgements over them. You tell us about a lady from Udon whom you kept as company for a week and then she asked for payment. Which you paid. Why? If you paid everything for her, clothes, meals etc, why should you pay her a salary if she was not a "working" girl and you had made an agreement from the beginning as to how much you should give her?
It is your money and if you want to give her money for staying with you, up to you. But do not complain afterwards if you do.

i know that when my wife is in uk she has her farang head on the minute she is in thailand she gets her thai head on and there is a difference. the daughter is the same.my freinds say the same when they come back for holliday.