Changing Stepchild's Surname

I changed my daughter's surname to mine back in the US with no problem at all. Wife, as her natural parent, simply signed a petition to the district court; 3 week wait, and BAM! Done deal. Court order arrived in the mail affirming her legal name in the US is now mine (same as her mother's married name, to be specific).

We asked around and was told by different sources that a mother has the same right to change their child's surname in Thailand. We'd also heard that it would have to be the same name as recorded on the house registration. No problem, because that was changed long ago. So, we mosied on down to the amphur and got stonewalled by a clerk who was stuck like a broken needle on a record about having to do a formal adoption which is a process we do not want to go through.

So, I explained to the clerk that there are at least 3 ways to change a child's name. One is via adoption, one is by mutual consent of both biological parents (wife doesn't want to go that route), and one is by consent of the parent having legal custody - which we took care of long ago at the same amphur.

There are different laws which cover each process and we have the right to select the process and follow the law for that process accordingly, but the clerk doesn't seem to think so and it ticks me off a bit that they are trying to pigeon hole us into only the adoption process. So, I suggested that if my wife was not married to me, could she change her daughter's surname? "Yes". So, if I divorced my wife, could she change the surname (to the name on the house registration, which is mine). "No". Wth? Why not? You just said she could. "Because she is not the owner of the name". At this point, I had to smile broadly to keep from pimp slapping the guy. Owner of the name? So, we went into a back and forth about this wherein he proclaimed that I was not the owner of my surname, either as it was given to me by my parents. Therefore, my parents are the owners of my surname.

Can you feel my frustration? I was talking with a complete idiot who alledgedly holds the magic pen that could simply take care of this name change issue with ease.

Well, anyway, now I have to dig up the statutes which set forth the processes and shows that we, not the amphur, have the right to choose under which statute we want to execute the name change. If we have to divorce, change the name, then re-marry that's fine by us. It just posses me off that these clerks make up their own rules as they go along and rely on "what they heard" to block us rather than make an effort to assist us in finding/following the law that would assist us.

As your wife is already known by your surname I suggest you keep out of it and she goes alone to change the child's name to the one she is using, yours .If she doesn't want to get the consent of the natural father she will have to prove that she has taken care of and brought up the child without him . A simple letter from the village headman will suffice .Been there , done it twice . not in Udon though .Good luck .

Ditto to the above, changing childrens names is easy BUT and it is a big BUT if the natural father IS still alive and kicking he HAS to be asked and more often than not he may demand cash or just say NO...good luck in your endeavours though.

Thanks, guys, but the last time the wife dealt with the biological father was way back when she had to get the passport. She ended up having to claim that she was the only parent which got her the custody and the passport. We'd tried the Kahmnan approach back then and that did not work (same jerk clerk). We didn't have time to argue the matter and just went ahead and got the passport with that deadbeat biological father's name figuring we'd change I later. Everyone else in the office appears to be sympathetic to us, having known of us for so long and all. It's just this one jerk clerk who seems to have a chip on his shoulder. He was going on so much about me as "not the real father" that I had to escort our daughter outside during the wife's attempt as she was getting visibly upset (which instantly put me in Superpop mode and I went back in solo and broke the laws down to him - never spoke clearer Thai in my life). I've been in her life forever from her perspective and she doesn't have a single memory before me. All she knows is that she's been the happiest girl in the world all her life and doesn't understand why people are saying such upsetting things about her Pop and our relationship.

I'll not give up or give in. It's on! If I can't find a decent attorney to find the laws I need to cite, then goddamit, I WILL learn to read Thai proficiently by reading Thai statutes.

Makaa . That's a very interesting alternative viewpoint which obviously should be considered . I can't speak for Khondam but in my circumstances with my previous family the father hadn't been seen or heard of since the birth of his second child to my then wife , his mia noi,for over 7 years.Obviously no financial support was given either. I think that shows a total lack of paternal responsibility and caring which is , no less , abandonment of his offspring. This surely precludes him from any further decisions in the children's future .As for the kids themselves. My two despite my divorcing their mother, still proudly bear my name and in fact have produced three further little Valentines .One of the proudest moments of my life when discussing the split with my step daughter was when she said " You will always be My Dad" That was 12 years ago and we still keep in regular touch .

Maaka, there you go again attempting to connect dots and pull assumptions out of your oriface. Following your logic, I suppose you are convinced that I also want to bake a cake with frosting for him and perhaps invite him to a sit-down at an American restaurant that serves Cap 'n Crunch cereal. Really, it's annoying having you jump in all loud and wrong then clean up after you.

Your input is appreciated, but please leave your wild assumptions out. I have never met the guy in my life, and by all accounts, he is not a bad fellow. My wife has her reasons for not dealing with him and THAT is what I respect. I don't need to know why because that was before I came along. Likewise, she doesn't ask me why I don't deal with my old flames.

Now, if he was a problem or if I had a problem WITH him, I would state so. I don't and I don't expect to. I don't give a flying poop about him or anyone else in my wife's past - or mine, for that matter. Hopefully, this is a "good enough" and clear enough unambiguos explanation for you to take your wild assumptions elsewhere. It's not fair to posters or readers because some actually may think there is some inkling of validity. Hopefully, I've crushed any such thoughts enough so that your assumption zombies do not rise and walk these (or at least my) threads again.

Maaka, in response to your salient points:

Co-sign trubrit's reply.

I understand where you are coming from (and you sound a bit angry/hurt), BUT aside from the fact that this thread is not about us versus the father (at all!), the clerk should be following the LAW - not arbitrarily deciding WHICH law will be applied or being biased as you suggest he should. As stated, there are 3 laws which could be applied. It is not the clerk's place to arbitrarily eliminate 2 of them. A judge could do that, but not a clerk.

Maaka, at the risk of hijacking my own thread, if you were the "father" of your daughter, how on earth could you not know enough about her life to know about the name change until well after the fact? Were you at all actively involved in your daughter's life or were you running about the world chasing your own aspirations and desires?

Was your ex-wife's "man" the real father who stepped up and went the whole 9, including the name change? Are you upset that you were not around and therefore was replaced by someone willing to take responsibility for your daughter? Really, some guys never learn that being a father extends beyond a sperm donation. It is a lifetime commitment which outlives any relationship between the parents. I would like to think that true fathers live their lives FOR their children beginning with conception, if not before, and never stop.

Did this happen in your case?

To be clear, putting you in the position where assumptions are made without truly knowing all the facts and "forcing" a clarification was the point. That is what you do, I think unintentionally, often when I post. Again, I really do appreciate your input, and I have no interest in attacking you or anyone else (unless I am attacked first, of course). Your post was not an attack, but I had asked you in another thread to not interject misleading assumptions and it happened again here.

I think you understand my point now. So, let's man-hug and move on.

trubrit wrote:As your wife is already known by your surname I suggest you keep out of it and she goes alone to change the child's name to the one she is using, yours .If she doesn't want to get the consent of the natural father she will have to prove that she has taken care of and brought up the child without him . A simple letter from the village headman will suffice .Been there , done it twice . not in Udon though .Good luck .

Very good advice, tb.