Culturally different

Are Thais and falangs cultures really compatible?It seems to me we think so differently,that the compromises seemingly necessary to develop sincere friendships and lasting marriages are almost overwhelming!
For me,I focus on my family relationship almost entirely.I put almost no effort into developing friendships with other Thais,with the exception of friends spouses/Gf's!The friendly ''friends'' relationship amongst Thais are those that developed with neighborhood Thais I lived amongst ,accepting me over time as I am ,coupled with my kind respectful attitude towards all,but unbending in my personal values!Not ever wanting to make enemies,so my position on not loaning money was proactively set up and constantly reinforced by sticking to it.Plus the fact that although there were some tempting offers on good sound houses to buy,I fought the urge to ''plant'' myself somewhat permanently by buying or building a house in the neighborhood!Recognizing the difference in incomes,I choose to offer small perceived needs funding without solicitation and occasionally ''treat'' in a small ways!My few Thai friends seem to like the respect and sense of equality.Contributing back in kind with food ,not accepting payment in their stores or resturants,insisting on providing accomodations etc.etc..But these few relationships grew slowly over a long period of time with lots of testing!!

Like chalk and cheese.Not at all compatible,its just a question of bending with the breeze and doing the best.The two biggest problems for me are the Thai patronage system versus a western sharing concept and the family centric way of thinking for the Thai wife/GF as opposed to our putting wife first and other relatives second.

Coot wrote:Like chalk and cheese.Not at all compatible,its just a question of bending with the breeze and doing the best.The two biggest problems for me are the Thai patronage system versus a western sharing concept and the family centric way of thinking for the Thai wife/GF as opposed to our putting wife first and other relatives second.

I understand,but they are compromisable positions ,if both sides are willing!The problem,IMO, really centers around the sincerity involved.Family obstacles are definitely the biggest and most important differences to deal with!
Your vote seems clear enough!I see 2 others posted in agreement with you,but for some reason declined to share their reasons!

To your question I have answered a definite no. However I would ask, do they have to be? We have chosen to live in their country why cannot we be like the bamboo rather than the rigid oak tree.As for the rest of the posting, whilst I can see your point of view I couldn't disagree more. Anything is possible given a margin of flexibility on either side.I have many Thai friends that I socialise with,even work with. Are they the same as my friends back in the UK? Of course not, thats not to say they are any less a friend, just culturally different, a factor I have learnt to appreciate.

valentine wrote:To your question I have answered a definite no. However I would ask, do they have to be? We have chosen to live in their country why cannot we be like the bamboo rather than the rigid oak tree.As for the rest of the posting, whilst I can see your point of view I couldn't disagree more. Anything is possible given a margin of flexibility on either side.I have many Thai friends that I socialise with,even work with. Are they the same as my friends back in the UK? Of course not, thats not to say they are any less a friend, just culturally different, a factor I have learnt to appreciate.

I understand your points,Thanks!My vote undecided,which reflects that I am still learning!Your lengthier amount of experience,inspires hope

I have many Thai friends that I socialise with,even work with. Are they the same as my friends back in the UK? Of course not

Interesting,i would say my Thai friendships,Indian friendships and friendships in the UK are essentially the same.I see no difference in the things i am prepared to do for them and them for me across the cultures,unconditional help at any time.Are you possibly talking about Thai acquaintances rather than good close friends?

businessman wrote:

I have many Thai friends that I socialise with,even work with. Are they the same as my friends back in the UK? Of course not

Interesting,i would say my Thai friendships,Indian friendships and friendships in the UK are essentially the same.I see no difference in the things i am prepared to do for them and them for me across the cultures.Are you possibly talking about Thai acquaintances rather than good close friends?

I think you may have missed Stan and my point. He was , I believe comparing culture compatability. I replied that undoubtly my UK and Thai friends were culturally different, they are no less a friend because of it.and like friends everywhere would be behind me in times of difficulty, as I would them.However if I was planning a party at which both sets would be present, I would have to take this cultural difference into account. It has absolutely nothing to do with the level or intensity of the individual friendships.

Well I voted no but, probably not for the reasons that most would have. That is I think those of us here have evolved into something very different then waht we were in our home countries. But not exactly like the people we live around daily. Something in between both cultures, for me that is not a bad thing, just what works in my home. For the most part my Thai neighbors are friendly never intrude in my life but always open to saying a hello and a brief chat.

I doubt that I could fit in my home country any longer I have really changed Even to being told by old friends that I have been brainwashed. Not the case I'm a much an American as I ever was. But learning to adapt to a foriegn country really has changed my views about many things.

I have been exposed to ideas very different in daily living that I had not seen before I have found that the way things are done in my home country are not always the best nor always bad.

I'm very fortunate in my dealing with my Thai neighbors they all have what I have, so I don't see the envy that I had seen before in other places that I have lived here in Udon. Here I'm pretty much just like everybody else. But do I fit in thier lives not really, not yet anyway. Nor am I absolutely sure that I want to. We share things that are fun with our nieghbors as they do with us.

In my home country they know I'm nuts the oddball that changed the pattern of living. So I don't fit the mold anymore. Here I'm just another crazy farrang. Since I don't fit the mold in the home country, maybe I'm just better off with all the other crazy farrangs, at least I have lots of company. Thai or not Thai.

So my world is in betwen and for me tht is OK

Well said Ray, obviously more bamboo than oak.

I have to say NO too
I think our western cultures are much more flexible in adapting the attitude of trying to fit in and keeping the peace as opposed to the Thai tradition who wish to keep their culture at all costs,yes there are now many younger Thais that are "westernised" in their thinking and the next generation are bound to be more broader minded.....until then I think its down to us "Select Few" who like this Bi-Culturel way of life to lead the way and prove that that interatial relationships can work

Not much difference to me they sleep eat and work
the bits inbetween are done a little different,

Depends how you want to look at it

AussieBoy wrote:Not much difference to me they sleep eat and work the bits in between are done a little different,

I think you made a"typo" there Aussie Boy.

Should read "they sleep and eat at work".

valentine wrote:

businessman wrote:

I have many Thai friends that I socialise with,even work with. Are they the same as my friends back in the UK? Of course not

Interesting,i would say my Thai friendships,Indian friendships and friendships in the UK are essentially the same.I see no difference in the things i am prepared to do for them and them for me across the cultures.Are you possibly talking about Thai acquaintances rather than good close friends?

I think you may have missed Stan and my point. He was , I believe comparing culture compatability. I replied that undoubtly my UK and Thai friends were culturally different, they are no less a friend because of it.and like friends everywhere would be behind me in times of difficulty, as I would them.However if I was planning a party at which both sets would be present, I would have to take this cultural difference into account. It has absolutely nothing to do with the level or intensity of the individual friendships.

Actually I think Marcus said it all too clear. If friendship is controlled by the culture you are from then you are shortchanging yourself. Friendship is bound by honest trust.(gosh we used the form of honor again) I to have friends of many races and creeds. When I look to them it is as people not a Thai or Black or any other so called thing. Using the above, I think you mean a man and a woman must not be friends. To that I say Hogwash. I also have some female friends.

To me a friend is someone who will tell it like it is, help you when needed or not needed, show compassion when it is required but be stiff when needed also. You can trust your life to a friend. Guess I have six friends in this world with the wife leading the pack.

An aquaintence is another story. I have a lot a these, but I sure would not trust my life to them. Do I trust them, sure but on a much different level. Will they help me, sure and I will help them. It is just that life thing that will get them.

Bangpaen. Your post is full of inaccurate assumptions,xxxxxxxxxxxxx .(yes its Monday morning) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Friends of many races and creeds?
Where did you get that" I mean a man or woman can't be friends"? xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I won't reply further to the individual subject matter, I think my point is already quite clear to the majority of readers.
Have a nice day



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