Do you feel obligated???

Mine is easy also,they have proved their ware!The answer is no,just no!We have already told them to not ask anymore because we will not!Doesn't stop them from asking!Years and years,they have all survived without our help!I don't like it very much,but it is that type of family!Not what I was hoping for as I was actually looking forward to being a supportive part of a family!We don't even visit anymore.

In the end people are just people some famalies are wonderful poele others are not. If part of my family was a drunk, junkie or gambler, would I give them mney hell NO. If I had a lazy brother that would not go out and get a job would I give him money see the above. The same applies to the wife's family.

Sometimes the decesions are very easy in both directions.

touching on this subject, most of the replies are from guys that are already in commited relationships.
when i have spoken to friends or people that have met on my travels in los, the subject of perceived obligation is mentioned. what i mean by this is they have girlfriends and as farangs, they are in the dark as to what to do about this topic. are they being taken for a mug or is this normal could be a typical query.
the usual advice i have given is, rush nothing, take your time (they do!) but most importantly remember,'you are farang and will never ever be thai' with this in mind, their customs only properly apply to them (sind sot for example.)
you are under no obligation other than to show respect. you will not gain respect here just by throwing money at lost causes.
if you want to give money where its needed, try doing it at home first. there are many good causes there and people will be grateful.
oh yeh! and the other important bit of advice i give is for them to log-on to this site!

Just the word"obligated" would elicit a NO response from me.I can do many things but not because I'm obliged to.

a sentiment well verbalised there val!
perhaps a great logo for a tee shirt!

i was talking to a good thai friend of mine who
speaks english very well. i asked here if there
was a thai word that is equivalent to our word
'integrity'.
she stated that there were maybe 3 or 4 words that were close, but none that could be used exactly to mean having an adherence to morality or principals.
"why did i ask?" she said
"oh, i was just wondering........" i replied!

If things are not right the operative word is no. Shouldn't be hard for us to use. My position on that is if that word needs to be used then it comes from me. I would rather wear the black hat then the wife.

Most of the famalies that are pushing the envelope in these kind of matter don't realize we have limits and they don't really care. Where you end up is not thier problem and they are right about that. It is our rsponsibilty, the realtionship her I have had that have been succesful including in businiess don't revelov exclusevily with money.

I truly believe that if your to much of a soft touch you are not respected, especially where money is concerned since it holds a lot of importance within this society.

I would never give any money out of obligation, I'm not obligated. If I choos to help it' because I think enough of the other person that I would like to see thier lives in a better place.

We chip in wiht the housekeepers kids education, not be becaue we are obligated, but because she works hard and if we can help a little I don't mind that. I apply the same rule to the family.

There is help available when the need arises but no free rides. They work and try thier best if they have a problem I will help.

I do the same exact thing with my children.

So her family is treated exactly a mine. That in my mind is a fair as it gets.

There was one that tried for the big ATM in sky, he got the operative word from me and it never has come up again.

My wife has explained to her family members and any people that call her a friend that to deal with her husband and herself,lies will not be tolerated!They are not accepted in our home and that are not accepted in relationships with anyone else desiring to have a close relationship with us or our money.If we are lied to ,cheated or an attempt to cheat us,it will not happen a second time because we don't have any future dealings with those individuals

The wife and I give money to her family as we feel it necessary.. We paid for a neice to be the first one in her family to graduate from college. We paid for another neice to get braces. We're more than generous to our nephew who managed to cut off his big toe while mowing our lawn.. Nobody ever asks for money, we merely observe a need and make a reasoned decision as to whether we'll support that need.

We've never been dunned for cash.. ever.. We've had some quiet hints but quickly put the kibosh on them. Perhaps they've all learned that keeping quiet about money tends to get them more than asking.

So for those of you who don't desire to give money to your Thai relations, that's entirely up to you. I'd reckon the whole thrust of this string is for the sterotypical bad relationship in which the Farang side of the couple pours money down the bottomless pit of a bad and greedy family... And for those that have unfortunately been down that road, my sympathies after the fact. For those that get hit in the head with that hammer and merely blurt out, "May I have another!" Som num na!

I totally agree with BKKSTAN, the only way to know they are never trying it on is to always say NO.

Well,I don't think that is the way you start your family relationship

BKKSTAN wrote:Do you feel an obligation to give your wife or GF's family money?Do you give a regular amount each month?Do you loan them money?If you give the family money,do you give just to the parents or to any family member that has a need?I'm only talking about cash not material presents

Coot, the original posting asked if anyone gave money regularly as well as loaning and for reasons of need.

I think we'd all lay out some baht if there was an urgent need, hospitalisation etc or if there was a genuine reason for a loan, its the first part of the question I think the, in your words, "give wifes family nothing camp" are refering to.

Do you give your family regular cash? (not including kids allowance of course) No?..........so why would you give regular cash to the wifes family?

stan wrote:If you give the family money,do you give just to the parents or to any family member that has a need

Sorry,this is the section i was replying to.If any family member has a real need i help.If my sister phoned asking for assistance i would give too.Stan states there is not a single family member he would help.Must be one good apple in the barrel.

To cut off a Thai women from all her family is asking for trouble.I have seen it a few times and when the **** hits the fan,the farang is always shocked that she has left him and put the family first.

Coot,if you don't like my posts,thats fine with me ,don't respond !But if you are going to respond and want to quote me or tell others what you think I mean in my posts,be more accurate!Stan
[b]COOT says:

states there is not a single family member he would help[/b].Must be one good apple in the barrel.

Where did I say that!