Do you feel obligated???

Do you feel an obligation to give your wife or GF's family money?Do you give a regular amount each month?Do you loan them money?If you give the family money,do you give just to the parents or to any family member that has a need?I'm only talking about cash not material presents

With my GF, we've worked out an arrangement where I give her 700 Baht/day. She uses that to buy groceries for us, clothing and other personal items for herself and MONEY FOR HER FAMILY.

I pay for housing, transportation, restaurants, my personal items and pretty much anything else that comes up.

It has resolved a lot of arguments we used to have. Now the decision is hers - if she gives money to her family, she has to reduce money available for her own purchases.

It's amazing how much less her family seems to need now.

that would be a big no. the ex's family got paid above local wages for a job well done, but gifts, no. i worked 30 plus yrs so i could retire, not so others could. the girlfriend and kid can retire on what's left, but if they hang out with me that long, they deserve it.

Never paid the wifes family a dime. Only time I have parted with cash money to any of them is either as a loan and I know I'll get it back (and I always do) or when they do some work around the house / garden and as above they always get over the odds for what they do and I think they put a little extra effort into it knowing this.

When we first moved here I constantly had the teenagers of the family asking for 100 bht here and there and the wife told them in her impecable way to, shall we say, "close the door as they leave"

I'm not adverse though to giving the out the odd battle of Lao Khao or Leo when they come visit and Mum always gets a pressie on her birthday or Mothers day

I worked for my retirement, and while I'm generous with my GF, she saves a lot of her money, I don't have or feel the obligation to support the family.
They have never asked me for a penny though, and the best thing I did for them was to bring some denture cream back from the states for her 76 yr old father. He was a new man and extremely happy.
If I started geting demands that were supported by my GF, I'm afraid that would end it.
Really, I have other obligations, such as a daughter in college that are more important and I thik she understands that.

I'm not adverse though to giving the out the odd battle of Lao Khao or Leo

ditto for me, i like a party just as much as the next. also, when true need popped up, more than happy to help, such as when grandma needed to be taken to hospital in wee hours, my suggestion paolo, is a didn't want to wait hr to check in/hr to check out, so my suggestion on hospital, so i gladly paid the bill to everyone's suprise. also when sister in law had baby at udon, i visited and notice the lack of service in ward, so got semi private room, again, me suggestion, so i footed the bill, all minimal expenses, but appreciated. so i'm not the total insensative twit i sometimes project myself to be. there daughter will never need to buy clothes as she is couple yrs behind gem, and hand me downs are piling up as she is growing so fast. almost impossible to ruin clothes before growing out of. still employ them and another family to do heavy stuff around house i prefer not to or can no longer do.

Well I have only helped my wifes aunt, simply because after her parents were dead she is the only one who helped my wife. Her Aunt has only made on request not in the least bit abusive.

I have absolutley no problem with this, if it were my mother and she needed help I would give it, in this case the Aunt is in that role and I have no problem there either.

I did notice that the aunt never said anything to any family member that we helped her and I was glad for that.

My partner's young niece in Udon, won a holiday for 2 to the Maldives in a magazine competition and she is taking her uncle of similar age (all above board). They have both been very kind to us ( and to my sister and her husband during a visit to Udon) in a non financial way and although they did not ask or expect anything, I got a real kick out of arranging some spending money for them. I don't consider it a big deal and especially as they were not expecting it, I am tickled pink to be able to help them in such a way.

I have given to my girlfriends family. Got a kick out of it too. I have never felt obligated to so and have never been asked for anything. I give because I want to.

If one of my wife's family is in need then i help out because if my mother or brother needed help i would do so immediately.Seems to be some double standards for those who refuse to help the Thai family unless they refuse to help their own of course.

A deafening silence from the "give wife's family nothing" camp John.There is no logical argument for not helping,when they would give there own family help if they needed it.

Seems to me that a lifetime with your family might give more credence to a call for help as you would probably know whwether it was real or not!I wonder if Coot and John2005 might agree?

Has the Thai wife/girlfriend not spent a lifetime with her family before we arrived?

sure they have,how do you think they good at taking care of the smart falang

You know I'm very lucky in that if there is a request it is legitimate, not to buy a new color T.V, pickup or more money for the lottery. Each of our siginifiant others are different and most Thai ladies would have a very hard time saying no to the family. Unless they really understand the economics of thier immediate family unit. In other words there are limits and you need to save for emergencies.

I have seen very abusive situations an been told of them many times. If you happen to be in one of those types of famalies yes you are going to have to question the need. If the need is real and you can help, then you have to make your own decesion.

As to me I'm lucky I would not hesitate because I know the people involved only want the best for my wife and would do anythign not to harm her future.

So mine is easy not all are.