Female Advice: New Thai Girlfriend/Money

PART QUOTE

CanadianGuy64 wrote: She had to go home again to see her mother recently who has cancer (she sends money home to her mother). Last night, she was crying on skype. It seems she is very stressed out about her situation. Her apartment is very small and minimal. She has a lot of stress financially with her mothers sickness, and she doesn't want to be alone anymore. She suggested that I am the one she loves, but doesn't know how long she can live the way she is. Of course I know she wants to find security and someone who loves her.

I am sure that on your next visit that you can check on her mothers serious illness as well,best of luck

Thanks all for the posts.
I'm appreciative you took the time to respond.
Frankie: Good advice. I'd like to see the bills for the hospital and meet some people she's associated with and worked with over the past 5 years.
Maaka: Thanks for the advice. Sorry to hear you were treated that way. I'll keep my eyes open.
trubrit: Good advice, thanks. I'm in no rush now and I let her know it.
nkstan: Not sure where to begin. You've made a few assumptions. I work for an airline, so travel is not expensive for me. It's not whether or not I can afford the money I sent her, it's understanding her motivations.
I'm not that bad looking. I've often been told I look more like 40. Of course I understand that she is younger and more attractive and of course she is looking for security. I went on a vacation on my own and thought it would be nice to meet a nice girl while I was in Phuket (had read about the hookers and didn't want to go down that road). Your points about a long distance relationship is a good one though and it's already posing some difficulties.

Thanks all for taking the time to respond!!
You've given me lots to think about and it's much appreciated.
Sorry if I was a little defensive after the first onslaught! I can see now that you're just trying to help me.
It's a whole different world in the land of smiles I see.

Don't concern yourself with our cynicism, approval or judgments.Kudos to you for asking for advice.I wish you the best of luck.Just be wary,because the situation is quite common here and I believe the results are mostly very negative.
I would hope you would follow through with her though,it would be a shame if she is genuine and she got away!

Without going into great detail I see lots of red flags here. First of all, sinsod (the dowry) is on it's way out here. There are many, many, many blogs and discussions on this subject alone. It's actually a tradition the Thais conveniently borrowed from the Chinese. ESPECIALLY for a woman 31 years old! Do your homework on this one! I married a gal from a middle class family (by Thai standards), I put 200,000 baht on the plate for show during the ceremony and got it all back later that night. Now I'm not saying that I haven't done things to help out her family in the last few years, but it was not because my wife was begging or crying. I saw some things I could easily help with and on my own initiative I did it.

There are plenty of genuine girls, but I venture that they are a little more difficult to find than the ones who looking for a meal ticket, and more. Take your time. Don't let your "little head" do your thinking for you, and good luck!

Hi Canadianguy64
I can only echo what all the others say. It feels like we all laugh at you, but we don't, we care and feel for you testing the waters in LOS for the first time.
You asked for a thai lady perspective. You know, you can contact the lady who wrote the thailandfever book and talk with her a bit. She too has seen it all and might give you good advice.

One more way to check it out is hire an agency (I believe there are ones listed with ThaiVisa) to check her out. It might well be money well spent. It might validate everything she has told you and it might not. Best of luck.

wow

this guy is going to lose his shirt!

thousands of desperate men just like this with blinders on......could they get this girl back home? no would they lend that kind of money back home to a broad ....no.....with all the research, warnings and the internet to help....like lemmings to the slaughter.

Can he see his way clear to lending me a few bob it woluld not go a miss in my bin.

Hello all.
This will be my last post.
First of all, I would like to say that the attitude some of the people show here to someone like me is completely disrespectful. This is my first visit to Thailand, and you all must keep in mind that us foreigners haven't ever encountered such deception and coldhearted treachery. Comments like "desperate", "pathetic"... are a little harsh and uncalled for. Don't assume all who meet a girl here are losers with no other options. It may just be that we are naiive and trusting. I met someone here in Canada today (coincidentally) who is married to a younger Thai girl, and they seemed to be very happy together. They spend half the year here in Canada and the other half back in Bangkok. They seem to be happy together and have a good relationship. Many who post here in my situation assume we have found the same.
As you may now suspect, it did not end well. I am very happy that I was on this site. I received a private message from someone who said the girl I met sounded a lot like his girlfriend. What was her name? Yes, it was the same girl! He was in shock as was I.
Unfortunately for him, he has already sunk over $30,000 into a future with this girl. He was even in the process of getting a visa for her to move to his country. I don't think he is a fool (as many of you do). I feel bad that a woman could be so cold and calculating. I'm sorry he had his heart broken, and feel fortunate to have narrowly escaped the same fate. They were planning on meeting this month and I was supposed to visit with her for the third time in July.
Beware out there people! It's hard to believe that someone would act this way, but they do.
After talking with the Thai girl today who married the Canadian, I would say to any of you out there in a similar situation, if she asks for money or pressures you back off. Even girls who aren't from rich families in Thailand can get work to make enough money (as I was told today).
And if the guy out there (I know his name but won't say it to protect his privacy) who contacted me is reading this, feel free to add to it. Thanks for contacting me and sorry she did what she did. She seemed like a great girl to me too.
Wish you the best in the future as well.
Cheers.

Thanks CanadianGuy for coming back to the thread and letting us all know what the final outcome was...better luck next time na kap..

Hi Canadianguy, I have been following this topic here since your first arrival, and I must say I am a little surprised about many of the answ. you have got, but I must also admit that many is damnd right, look up ,if she starts to ask for money to anything. I have now been happily married to a Thai girl for more than 8 years now, she came from a "Poor"
family, but none has ever asked me for money, she has a very good job as supervisor at a big hotel, but she also tells me that unfortunately it is very common for a Thai girl (special Esan girls) when she get an relationsship with a farang is to start "mikling" him for money, and special if he is in his homeland, it could be a seek mother, farther, dentist, doctor, cow or anything else. Quite often she is under hard pressure from her family, but very often she is calculating and give a damn in the person but only is interessed in his money, and she is prepared to go very long to achieve her goal, money.
These words came from a Thai girl, and I can only add, look up, not all are cold harted and calculating, and it can be very difficult to destinguish between good and bad girls, but use your life experience and think with the right head, The one on top of you and NOT the other.

A very honest poat from the OP .

Obviously not all Thai ladies are in the same mould as the one dicussed in this thread ,, so we should tar all with the same brush ... there are numerous genuine Thai lasses of varying ages looking for a non Thai byfrnd or husband .

Whilst i had the club in Pattaya there were 70-80 lasses working as dances , service , hostess and bar tenders ... 99 % had more than one foreign sponsor some had several , along with visa applications to go to the home country of the fella who just happened to fall for her "charms" ... whist i dont condone this practice it makes me shake my head in bisbeleif when i opening told a customer tha the lady he had bar fined was an out n out player and just enjoy and forgat her ,,, yet he still sent her money , bought cars and built her house etc etc ,,, even when he couldnt get hold of her "she was in the temple" he swallowed it ... then when arriving in LOS for his dream trip and new life finding she had married a Singaroean and moved to live there ..... he dropt by the club shorly before we sold up and said he shud have listened to mine and others advice ,,, too late ,,,, the last time i bumped into him he was doing it all again with a gogo dancer from walking st ... but in his words THIS ONE IS DIFFERENT .........

GOOD LUCK TO THE OP ... top man for being so honest i hope all works out for you in the future where ever you lay your hat .

Mash

reminds me of a friend who met a "nice Thai girl" and her story was similar except her mom died twice (oops). Her son in the village "needed" to go to a special school, etc. I do not know how much he sent but it was always something, she lived in bangkok. If she were sincere she would move back to the village so she could be near her "sick" mom. When I met my wife, by accident, she never asked for a penny, so even though she can be a pain it is obvious to me that she is a good woman.

hi everyone, in regards to this guys questions about his girlfriend, well I came across this story by pure chance by typing into google 3 words "thai girlfriend forum" & this story was the first to come up, after reading it & contacting the guy not only did I know the girl but I am actually married to her & been together for 2 years. it has been a hell of a shock for both of us & if it hadnt of been for this forum then we would still be getting scammed by this evil person. big lesson learnt by me just a shame I had to have my heart broken to learn it

Mark60 wrote:hi everyone, in regards to this guys questions about his girlfriend, well I came across this story by pure chance by typing into google 3 words "thai girlfriend forum" & this story was the first to come up, after reading it & contacting the guy not only did I know the girl but I am actually married to her & been together for 2 years. it has been a hell of a shock for both of us & if it hadnt of been for this forum then we would still be getting scammed by this evil person. big lesson learnt by me just a shame I had to have my heart broken to learn it

I guess that is a big thumbs up for google search.

Just out of interest, what caused you to google those 3 words, and when?