Keeping a Marriage Exciting (where to go and what to do)!

After reading the thread Newly Divorced and hearing of Nkstan's plight, it might do well for some of us aging buggers with younger wives to take heed and begin now to take the necessary precautions to ensure that the spark never leaves our marriage and we find ourselves all alone in the sunset of our lives. I'm into my 4th marriage, so I'm well aware of how a guy can become complacent and forget to stir the fire to keep the marriage burning brightly. And I'm not talking just about sex. I'm approacing 63 and my bride of one year is nearly 48. I asked her to retire from teaching just after we were married so that we could spend more time together. We've been together 24/7 ever since, and so far we are still very happy with each other. We stay at home most of the time and watch TV or piddle on the computer, take plenty of naps and work in the yard. We go out for quick lunches 3-4 days a week and grocery shopping at least twice a week. We might have a dinner out once a week. All in all it's a pretty boring lifestyle, but that seems to be all there is to retirement. I've not discovered any other activities that spark my interest, but I definitely feel the need for a challenge and some additional mental stimulation. While my wonderful wife promises that she is perfectly content with our routine, my greatest fear is that this mundane existance will not be enough to satisfy her for the next twenty years, or even for the next 2-3. I'm probably like most of you guys out there who are getting by on a government pension but have something stashed back for a rainy day, but I'm in no position to spend lavishly and plan trips around the world just to fill the voids.

So, having said all that, I would really appreciate having some feedback from some of you fellas who have been here for some time and were, or are, in similar circumstances. What are you doing to keep the excitement in your marriages? Do some of you fear the dread of "hitting that wall" in your marriage and the thought of having to start all over again at an old age? What seems to be a satisfactory level of contentment for most middle aged Thai women. If it's anything like their female counterparts in the US, then I'm not up for the ride. Comments would be greatly appreciated.

God Bless!

How to keep a marriage exciting ........... easy ............... divorce ...................... marry again .......................divorce

pienmash wrote:How to keep a marriage exciting ........... easy ............... divorce ...................... marry again .......................divorce

Agony aunt now then ?

It was a mistake making her retire! You should have just waited for her to come back from school. That would have given you something to do. Wait in anticipation to see her again. See if she can get back to teaching, it will be a blessing for both of you. Good luck!

roberto0268 wrote:It was a mistake making her retire! You should have just waited for her to come back from school. That would have given you something to do. Wait in anticipation to see her again. See if she can get back to teaching, it will be a blessing for both of you. Good luck!

I would almost agree with this except to say ''probably or possibly a mistake'',24/7 can be very trying after the newness of the relationship wears off.

I think the problem lessens as the age gap is smaller!It is great if you both have a lot of the same interests and the ones that are not of mutual interest,have to respected,accepted and applauded by the partner.If they are not acceptable and able to be respected,then dissolution is over the horizon,but probably only after a period of misery time!

Without mutual agreement and compatibility of the marriage lifestyle,harmony does not exist in a marriage!If you have harmony,there is probably no need to worry about ''keeping a marriage exciting'',IMO!
I would add that I don't understand the feeling of dread and the thinking that you have to start all over again!Unless companionship is of the highest priority in ones life!

nkstan wrote:
Without mutual agreement and compatibility of marriage lifestyle,harmony does not exist in a marriage!If you have harmony,there is probably no need to worry about ''keeping a marriage exciting'',IMO!

That hits the nail on the head for me Stan. What is all this talk about excitement? For me. I want a peaceful relationship that revolves round tranquility and happiness. Sitting in the garden together watching the sun go down over the horizon, enjoying a drink whilst discussing the events of the day, both domestic and national.That's far more bonding than excitement. If either of us craved the thrills and sensations of excitement, we would go to the fun fair and ride the big dipper .That's not likely because she's scared and I'm too old .It does occur to me though that the secret of this is , communication. You need to be able to talk to each other, whether in English or Thai .So one of you has got to learn the others language .If your talking in single syllables of course that's going to be boring.Ever tried having a conversation with a parrot?

I asked her to retire from teaching just after we were married so that we could spend more time together.

Hmmm, yes I wondered about that one too. It might have been better to have let her retain the ongoing stimulation and interest of her teaching job.

Re the theme of SFGY's OP, I can relate to a lot of that. I see the question more as what we do together to make our daily lives more interesting/exciting, NOT what we can do to make our relationship/sex lives more exciting. Indeed, whilst the topic title refers to keeping a marriage exciting, I note most of the post is about daily routines and how to minimise boredom.

I don't have much problem with harmony or communication, but I too do get bored, - bored with knowing what to do and where to go. We tend to have developed daily routines, doing this and that and then going out to for a coffee or to eat somewhere, or for a walk through the covered market. (My wife isn't into walking in the hot sun). But after that I/we are at a loss what to do. We aren't into golf or fishing. There aren't any mountains near here to walk up. There's little in the way of shopping malls to explore. We do go for some bike rides, but then it has to be after dark, before dawn or very cloudy!

arjay wrote:

Re the theme of SFGY's OP, I can relate to a lot of that. I see the question more as what we do together to make our daily lives more interesting/exciting, NOT what we can do to make our relationship/sex lives more exciting. Indeed, whilst the topic title refers to keeping a marriage exciting, I note most of the post is about daily routines and how to minimise boredom.

Thanks arjay! This is exactly what I was referring to...more ideas on daily routines to minimize the boredom. I don't think we've reached that point yet, but I'm fearful that that day will come unless I can learn to change up the routines and keep the days interesting. Nobody has mentioned out of town trips. I've thought of planning weekend trips every few weeks to give us something to look forward to. Has anyone else done this, and if so, does it seem to do the trick?

"Ever tried having a conversation with a parrot?"
I know I can be trying at times, especially when talking about immigration....but that's another topic.

As for a marriage......38 years and counting.....there's no one-size-fits-all deal. And to complicate matters even more, you wear a western shoe size, and she a metric Thai size. There's got to be give and take on both sides.......and for some people, that's the most difficult part.

Your wife's a teacher! Learn some Thai! You can reciprocate with some English lessons. And don't convince yourself that you're too old, your hearing is too bad, or you're no good at languages.

Get a book like "Essays on Thailand" isbn 789748348001.....stories in Thai and English that'll give you some insight into common holidays/festivals around Thailand.

Good luck

I must admit I did get get a bit excited when I saw Trubrit referred to "bonding". Then I realised he meant bonding and not "bondage"!

Semperfiguy wrote: Thanks arjay! This is exactly what I was referring to...more ideas on daily routines to minimize the boredom. I don't think we've reached that point yet, but I'm fearful that that day will come unless I can learn to change up the routines and keep the days interesting. Nobody has mentioned out of town trips. I've thought of planning weekend trips every few weeks to give us something to look forward to. Has anyone else done this, and if so, does it seem to do the trick?

Semperfiguy, we do take day trips and the occasional weekend trip out, but I have to admit being someone from a small country I hate long drives and everywhere here seems to me to be a long way! We take the odd shopping trip to Udon, though I more usually try and stick to the out of town shopping malls and stores. I went to Khon Kaen for a couple of days a while back. That was a pleasant change. We've been to Phu Foilom, and even Phu Ruea. Though not yet to Phru Phrabat.

Now the weather is a bit more mixed (read cloudy) we have taken a few local bike rides. Some guys tend to meet up over mid morning coffees for a bit of social intercourse! My good lady attends the odd Issan type barbeque with some neighbour friends of hers. Understandably we watch some TV and I teach her some English. Otherwise I must say I am struggling like you. Currently I spend too long at the computer (including following the stock market!) and then end up with bad backs and stiff necks because of it!

I think SFG like most have said try and find something to do,something you never had the time to do before.We are lucky that we are out of the rat race and have all the time in the world to do what we want. Me its to learn to play my electric guitar,like Angus
With regards to your wife what about part time teaching?
Agree learn the language to,went to AUA and that was good and a morning out of the house 4 days a week.Hopefully Nick will get a teacher again so we can continue again.

Regarding trips,i visit the neighbouring countries,Vietnam,Laos,Cambodia,get cheap deals on Air Asia and off you go for a few days. Next year hope to get a bigger motorbike and then plan to tour Thailand on it.
Lots to do here,for sure.
Let the good times roll.

Marriage is about families... Bringing up children... a lot of hard work... sticking / working together for the children’s sake... that should be the main reason for anyone to get married... Marriage for pensioners is really distasteful especial when there is a generation gap... Marrying a girl young enough to be your daughter... it’s just a matter of time before she leaves... I reckon if your misses is more than 10 years your junior sooner or later your gon’a be waving her goodbye… I.M.O.

Good job its only your opinion.

GARYZX6R wrote:Good job its only your opinion.

?... "Only"...? I am willing to bet that most people in the world... men and women... don't want to see a young girl marrying an old man... one member of one generation marrying one member of a younger generation...