Merry Xmas and a happy New Year

To all members,wives,children and all relatives. A Very Merry Xmas and a prosperous New year too you all,wherever you are from.Johnty.

same 2 u ....... sir

Best wishes to you all from Statts and family.

Can you also pass on our heartfelt thanks to your mum please Johnty for all the shopping she does for many of us

Merry Christmas to all here and far!
Christmas I will be with my little family here.Very lean I'm afraid but happy anyway.
New year I will me on my Jack.Missus will be at her village.I dont mind anyway.
Here, another day in paradise!

For those who have yet to make their cake, here's a great recepie that I came across a couple of years ago:-

Ingredients
• 1 cup water
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup brown sugar
• lemon juice
• 4 large eggs
• nuts
• 1 (1500 ml) bottle vodka
• 2 cups dried fruit
Directions
Sample the Vodka to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again.
to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon sugar.
Beat again.
At this point it is best to make sure that the Vodka is shtill OK.
try another cup-- just in case.
Turn off the mixerer.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in a cup of dried fruit.
Pick fruit up off floor.
Mix on the turner.
If the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the Vodka to check for tonsisticity.
Next sift two cups of salt.
Or something.
Who giveshz a whip.
Check the Vodka.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
1. Add one
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.
Whatever you can find.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally throw the bowl through the window, finish the Vodka and kick the cat.
Cherry Mistmas!

Excellent, nice one Statto. Pissed myself laughing at that one but will have to give the recepie a try....would it work well with a bottle of Regency do you think?

Not unless they have started to sell it in 1500ml bottles. You will run out before you get to use your drewscriver ,,,,,, mind you TWO bottles of Regency might work .........have to exshperriment necksht cramitsmos

Echo all those sentiments, a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all and sundry,the warmth of the sun and friendship beats a White Christmas any day.

I know this is a little late but I just got back in town and got this from a friend.

WHAT IF SANTA WROTE BACK......?

deer santa:
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend, Billy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I give you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together..
Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those?
Santa

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Play station, a train, some G..I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid 'Francis' nowadays? I'll giving you a doll instead because I bet you're gay.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh.
You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.
Santa

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China . Every year I give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
Santa
P.S. Tell your mom she got the part
.
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year.
Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging sh*t may work with your folks,
but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.
Santa

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself 'Marky', that's why you're getting your ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams, Santa


Oh well, hope you all had a great Christmas and look forward to a rocking New Year.

Classic!

Merry Xmas and happy new year to all.
Great jokes posted !