farting

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farang wrote:<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/OcwOuaJ_fSw&hl=en"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/OcwOuaJ_fSw&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

Superb Sir, thanks for posting.

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Farang,

You have surpassed yourself. The Spock scenes are the best!

I'm sure this was a poetry winner!



A fart it is a pleasant thing,

It gives the belly ease,

It warms the bed in winter,

And suffocates the fleas.




A fart can be quiet,

A fart can be loud,

Some leave a powerful,

Poisonous cloud



A fart can be short,

Or a fart can be long,

Some farts have been known

To sound like a song......



A fart can create

A most curious medley,

A fart can be harmless,

Or silent, and deadly.




A fart might not smell,
While others are vile,

A fart may pass quickly,

Or linger a while......



A fart can occur

In a number of places,

And leave every one there,

With strange looks on their faces.


From wide-open prairie,

To small elevators,

A fart will find all of

Us sooner or later.



But farts are all bad,

Is simply not true-

We must never forget.......

Sweet old farts like you!






Kinda brings a tear to your eye - right?












Angels fly because they take themselves lightly

Oh well seeing as the fart topic has come up again, i remember when i was a small boy looking up 'naughty' words in dictionarys and found 'Fart' in one of them, part of it read

" Fart= A Small Explosion Between The Legs".. ! Ohh how we laughed uncontrollable fits laughter...like small boys do when finding out things like this

Udon Ex Pat saves the day by resurrecting the farting thread.

Let's take this conversation through the floorboards.

A small explosion between the legs only accounts for one type of fart.

The silent but violent ones tend to bubble out on account of their gaseous density, hanging in the air and following the culprit around the room. This type is especially risky if you can feel the Turtle's Head poking through - so be careful when you squeeze one out.

Eating too much fruit lends weight to large explosions between the legs - lots of gas but little methane often leading to huge guffaws. Ladies break wind in this manner and attempt to camouflage the noise by running the taps/faucets in the toilet.

So who has coughed and farted at the same same time..?

I've vomited and farted.....and followed through

A little bit of Wind
Straight from the heart
sometimes takes a different course
and gives out quite a Spark
Grandma calls it wind
But Grandpa calls it a Fart!

A fart is such a useful thing
it brings you lots of ease
it warms the bed on winter nights
and suffocates the fleas.

Source: http://www.fartfarm.com/poem.html

well I think this thread deserves to be brought back to life since we all do it including the most respectful ladies of the world and dammit I sure do it I am farting while I am walking around the mall (complex) little squeaky ones
what great post it sure beats U S Politics

A fart is an art that comes from the heart
And spreads through the body with ease

When it reaches the breeches it bursts all the stiches
And splatters the sh*t to the knees

(as told to me by my Granny)

Some good verse construction here - we need another limerick, I think.

Interesting info for those into the cult

10 Things You Didn’t Need to Know About Farts

Published by Alistair Briggs
February 15, 2009, Category: Biology
Here we will take a look at 10 random facts about farts that I am sure you probably didn’t need to know. Of course, curiosity will get the better of you and you will find yourself reading them all so that you will, by the end, know them all.
1. Do Beans Really Make you Fart?


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Have you ever heard the following rhyme?
‘Beans, beans, good for your heart.
Beans, beans will make you fart.’
Surely an urban myth, I hear you cry. Bad news for all you bean lovers out there, as it is true that beans do indeed make you fart. One of the reasons for this is a sugar called stachiose which is found within the bean. The problem is that humans cannot digest this sugar properly so when the bacteria in our intestines try to break it down, it fails, which produces a lot of gas.
Don’t even get me started on brussel sprouts.
2. How Often Do We Fart?
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Well if you have ever wondered if you fart more or less than the average human person then read on. An average person will produce around half a litre of fart gas per day, which roughly translates as 14 farts a day.
Please, feel free to count how many times you fart each day to see if you are above or below average but it may be worth not telling anyone else as you don’t want them thinking you are a weirdo.
3. Will Holding Farts cause Combustion?
You may remember the episode of the cartoon ‘South Park’ when Kenny holds his farts in all day and then combusts and dies at the end of it. Well sorry to tell you but this came straight from the writers imagination (just trying to find new ways to kill Kenny).

The worst thing that would happen to a human if they held their farts in would be a severe stomach pain. Emperor Claudius, he of the Roman Empire fame, one made farting legal at banquets, stating that it was for the good of the people health. This didn’t stop the stomach pains though, as the people would eat and drink far too much anyway.
4. How Can I Mask the Smell of a Fart?
It is said that the best thing to do if you fart in public is to act all innocent and if that fails, blame someone else. Be careful of that last tactic though as they may retort with ‘Whoever smelt it dealt it.’
But what can you do to mask the smell of a fart? Buy yourself some ‘Fartypants’, a product designed to mask the smell of a fart. Think I am making that up? Check out the following link http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2168888.html
5. Is the Methane from Cows’ Farts Problematic?


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I bet you have heard the story about how cows fart so much methane that it is endangering the ozone layer. There is some truth in this, although it must be pointed out that it is not a cows fart that does the damage. In fact most of the methane a cow produces is exhaled when the cow breathes.
It is not just cows that produce methane this way, sheep do also and this has lead to scientists in New Zealand (not surprisingly when you consider how many sheep are there) to try and breed methane free sheep.
6. Can Farting be Sexy?
Ok, lets not get deluded, there are probably some people in the world who are ‘turned on’ by farts but for the other 99.9999999999% it is agreed that in now way are farts ‘sexy’ to humans.
In the animal kingdom, however, this is not always the case. The female Southern Pine Beetle farts a pheromone called frontalin which is used to attract a mate. It can also be used as a gathering call to the rest of the species. An open invitation to an orgy, if you like. Good news for the beetle you would have thought but unfortunately it also attracts predators.
7. Does Every Animal Fart?
So what makes an animal have the ability to fart? Well the animal must have both intestines and an anus and not all animals in the world have these. The Pogonophoran Worm, which can be found living on the sea bed or near active volcanoes, has no intestine and no anus. To make matters worse for the poor animal, it also has no mouth and no stomach. They survive by absorbing the bacteria that lives on its skin.
The Pogonophoran Worm is not alone in the non-farting stakes as animals such as Jellyfish, Coral and Sea Anemones also lack intestines and an anus.
8. Farting: Good or Bad?

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Well I suppose it depends how you look at it, some people are genuinely disgusted by it while others find them to be one of the funniest things in the world.
In 1940 some employees of the Jem Rubber Co. in Toronto were playing about with some scrap sheets of rubber when one of them sat on it and produced a farting noise. They informed their boss of this who, seeing the potential of this had soon marketed the ‘Whoopee Cushion’. Which soon became a world wide sensation, bought by many practical jokers who took pleasure in hearing someone else fart.
9. Can You Tell Me More Random Things?
Ok, try and answer the following four questions,
Q1. Would a fart help to propel you forward in space if you weren’t wearing a spacesuit?
Q2. Is it possible to freeze farts?
Q3 See when you breath outside in the cold and you can see it, does the same apply when you fart outside in the cold?
Q4.Has there ever been a fossil fart found?
Truth be told the answer to all four of those is a rounding……. YES.
10. Tell Me Something That ISN’T True.
Bet you were surprised that the answer to all the questions in number 9 were yes.
Anyway, most people casually assume that it is possible that a very strong fart could rip through a pair of trousers you were wearing. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but it is just not possible. No fart could rip through trousers.