Praise for my Thai Wife from Issan

On the 8 October 1973 at 10:00AM I stood with my wife in front of the Ampur at Hong Harn as he was preparing to put his final signature on our marriage papers. He laid down his pen and pointed to me and said to me in perfect English “I want you promise me that you will love her, cherish her and take care or her”
I said to him you have my word that I will.
Several weeks before our marriage. We attended pre-marriage seminars on camp that was conducted by an American husband and wife team. They spoke Thai very fluently. The America women worked with the Thai ladies and the man worked with the future husbands.
The husband talked to us me about the changes and challenges that our wife’s will be going thru.
He told us one thing that I always remembered and I tucked it away in heart that it might happen to me and my wife. And it was this statement. “I want you to be prepared for this. Just because she is your wife do not assume that your family will accept her. They may politely tolerate her but they do have to accept her.”
Over the years my wife and our children witnessed and endured the numerous small actions and small comments of unacceptance from members of my family. When I would take a stand and call it out for what it was I would t be told that I was wrong and it was not so.
The final culmination came with the death of my mother 4 days ago. My wife and I were not notified by my family of the death of my mother. Our daughter who lives 900 miles away from us was notified. My brother lives 4 miles from me.
My wifes name was not listed in my mother’s obituary. Not finding my wife’s name in the obituary crushed my heart for my wife in the fact that the unacceptance was real and in print for everybody to see. My brothers dogs name was listed in the obituary but not my wife.
I have said all of this just to say this.
If God has blessed you with an incredible, brave, loving, dedicated precious wife from Issan like mine.
Tell her how much you love her and cherish her every day.
Thank for the opportunity to express my thoughts and tell you of our experiences.

This is a very if not the most poignant story on the forum.

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My wife and I like to meet Thai-American couples in successful marriages of long duration. PF-Flyer, if you are amenable, please PM me so we can organize something.

Seem to recall an old saying ' Look after your friends because your stuck with the family" Sad tale indeed but not uncommon . Don't really know if its a mixed marriage thing or as in my case with a previous Thai wife, due to the age difference. She was 22 years younger than me, only 8 years more than my daughter, so I put it down to that .Initially we lived in Thailand so it didn't intrude on our relationship too much, however in 15 years of wedded bliss I was until the very last, " The Farang" to members of her family. I am sure they never knew my name or even that I had one .When I took her and two step children to live in the UK I was very surprised to see a, subtle, but obvious, bias against them . Out of my hearing range, she became "that woman" the kids " those kids".She tried everything to be accepted, even teaching my ex how to cook Thai food, but all to no avail .When , due to an unconnected thing , we divorced, they came fully open, saying we never liked her. The look of amazement on their faces when I said I loved her , still do, was a sight to behold .I am now happily remarried to another Thai girl , coming up to ten years. She's never been to England and I have no plans to take her. Members of my family have been invited here but have so far declined the invitation .Shame really but that's life. It still goes on, as does the joy and happiness my present wife and I share together .

My Thai wife and I have been married almost 40 years. She has 2 sisters that have been married to farangs almost the same number of years. We (and her sisters as far as I know) have never experienced anything close to the original poster. My family accepted her from the start although she was a bit worried about that. I simply told her I married her because I loved her (and still do) and if my family did not accept her then was their problem.

We have been back to Udon Thani several times over the past years and have never been shown anything but respect from her family members still living there. That might be because I always showed her parents and other family members equal respect.

I took my former Thai wife to the States back in '92 and all my family and friends were absolutely spellbound by her charismatic personality. She was 34 going on 21 and was very humble and naive, and that drew people in like a magnet. I was very concerned about how my father would respond to her because he is a US Marine who survived the campaign on Guadalcanal but relived it every day of his life up until his death in '96. To him every Asian was either a Jap, a nip, a gook or a slant eye...he painted them all with the same brush. But my wife made a special effort to hug him every time she saw him, and she would always call him Papa. It wasn't long before he was butter in her hand. When he died the two of us were on either side of his hospital bed holding his hand as he took his last breath, and the rest of the family (Mom, 3 daughters and another son) were all at home fast asleep. Dad loved her like his own daughter.

While the story ended sadly for the two of us, she is still back in my hometown and is beloved by everyone who crosses her path.

Pf that is a poignant story. There is no question that Asians are looked down on by a certain element in US society. That's the element I learned to stay away from when I lived there (and here also). I am somewhat estranged from my biological family, especially my former wife and children, so there is no question that they disapprove of my interracial marriage, but I couldn't care less. To paraphrase what TB said above "Friends are the family that you choose".

I am sure that if I tried to relocate my wife to the US (not a chance) she would be miserable, even though I had many Thai/Lao friends there. There is no way we could come close to duplicating our lifestyle here besides subjecting her (and our child) to any form of discrimination. I, on the other hand have been treated with nothing but courtesy and respect by her family and friends here in Issan. Example, last weekend we took a trip which took us through Cha Nu Man. We stopped and wife looked up an old school chum who she had not seen since University. They welcomed us with open arms, complimented my wife on having such a handsome husband (well, I think it was meant as a compliment, she said "you must have been very handsome when you were a young man"), offered to cook for us (we had just eaten) and when we were leaving the woman handed my daughter (21 months old) a 100 baht note. Which she proceeded to try to eat. They asked us to please come back soon and stay over with them and they would show us around the area.

So, as pf says, cherish your Issan wife and enjoy. If the rest of the world doesn't like it, the hell with them.

Hi,
Trubrit. The saying we had was, you could choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. How true. I have been living in LOS now since 2005 and knew my Thai wife 3 years before coming to live here. Although she has never met my wife, my daughter said to me, if your happy, that's the main thing. Trying to get my daughter to come to LOS for a holiday, she does not like flying, so will not take the long flight. Funny really, as she flew all around the world with me until she was 12, and seemed to love flying then. Still she's in her late 40's now.

years ago it was totally unacceptable in Thai soceity for a Thai to marry anyone other then a Thai. This as changed over the years and is a lot more acceptable. Thais are for the most part though still very predjudice against non Thais. Thaskins political party translated met Thai loves Thai.

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Mod Note
Some text removed as it may offend under Lese Majesty legislation
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Thai's don't seem to openly express their predjudice but it is still there.

My wife's family treats me with the same respect I give to them, and always makes me feel welcome and a member of the family. My mother, kids and grandkids love my wife, because, as my mom often says 'It is obvious she makes you happy.' My eldest daughter has commented on how she helped me to overcome the withdrawal I had gone through, and always includes her in any correspondence. So I have not experienced the type of prejudice the OP talked about, except with ignorant people who think all Thai women are bar-girls. I don't give a rats a$$ what those people think, and tell my wife to ignore them because they are ignorant. If anything is said, I usually respond with 'yeah, and every woman in Vegas is a hooker'...(then think to myself) like your mom.

KB

well, the TW and I have been together 38 years now.. Married in Amphoe Khumpawapi on 21 October 1975.. No overt racism, prejudice or ill-will from any of my family or friends in the States.. Ended up doing 21 1/2 years in the U.S. Army so our kids (3) didn't experience any overt racism or prejudice in what was a completely integrated environment.. Cultural issues?? You bet!! But nothing we both couldn't struggle through.... In the last 17 years (post U.S. Army) we've spent over 12 years in SE Asia, and frankly I haven't experienced any bad times with Thais, Lao, Viets, or ever been shook down for bribes or favors.. I don't take a candied view of things, I guess we've been lucky in how things have worked out.....

Thanks to all of you. This dialog helps me to process the thoughts in my mind that my wife and I are not the only couple that are going thru this.
From the begining, my wife’s entire family has always made me feel welcome and a part of the family. In the 70's we lived for about 1 year at Choke Boonmar on soi Gatoy (Spelling?) behind the Paradise Hotel. I love Thailand and The Thai People. I embraced the Thai Culture and I did not want to leave Thailand when it came time for us to leave.
We go to visit my wifes family every other year or so and stay with them for about three weeks. They always refer to me as “Pee I “ My Thai is very rusty . They have never referred to me as Farang.
When we go to downtown Udorn my sister in-law holds me and my wife’s hand when we cross the street. She says that she wants to look out for us.

We are making plans to sell out move to Thailand in 2012. We have been getting our guidence from the Thai Embasy in Washinnton DC and My wife and I will be applying for a retirement visa.
Moving was not a decision that we made lightly.
Our children live hundreds of miles away from us and they have given us their full support. They are all ready making plans to come and vist us when get setteled in.
We have been preparing for this for about the last 5 years or so.
Thanks again for your help.
Reading your postings has helped me alot. I have learnt alot from this forum and I read it all of the time.

About three years ago my brother told my mother a lie that my wife and I ignored him and did not speak to when we saw him and my uncle in a resturant. We did great them and speak to them. My mother called our adult children to tell them how horrable we were. My wife and I went to reconcile with my mother that it was a lie but my mother insisted on defeneding my brother. My wife got down on here knees and beged my mother to reconcile with her but she refused.
I watched as my my wife was on her knees pleading and I saw her tears droping on my mothers feet but she would not forgive.
I finnaly had enough and I picked my wife up and we left. We never went back.

Nella Fantasia

In my fantasy I see a just world
Where everyone lives in peace and honesty
I dream of a place to live that is always free
Like a cloud that floats
Full of humanity in the depths of the soul

In my fantasy I see a bright world
Where each night there is less darkness
I dream of souls that are always free
Like the cloud that floats

In my fantasy exists a warm wind
That breathes into the city, like a friend
I dream of souls that are always free
Like the cloud that floats

Not to put too fine a point on it pf- but after your post about your lying brother and your begging wife... your mom was a proper c*nt. Same for your siblings but your kids sound great.

Those with broader minds look forward to welcoming you and your wife to Thailand (Udon?) next year.

Thanks.... We will be building in Amphur Nong Harn near Tumbol Puck Thop ( Spelling ? ) .