relationships

How do you deal with the Thai family?
First of all I hope you will excuse my English.
I understand that some of you, have been living in Thailand for ages. I am relatively new here. I came to Thailand 1ฝ year ago. By that time I lived in Hua Hin. Then I met my boyfriend, and we moved to Udon a year ago.
And now I need your advice.
My boyfriend loves his family very much. I knew that Thai families are close when I met him. But I don

Sounds like your boyfriend is besotted with his family! Not sure I know of any girls who go to those lengths to please their relations. My girlfriend certainly doesn't and her family wouldn't dream of invading our privacy.
She does speak to her family by telephone but only a few times a week. Nothing like twenty odd times a day!
Normally, when a Thai man meets his wife he tends to withdraw from his own family in order to take care of the new one. It's quite normal for a Thai man to move into the family home of his new bride but rarely the other way around.
My girlfriends brother is working in Chonburi and his girlfriend had a baby. Because the mothers family couldn't (or wouldn't) help the baby stays with my girlfriends mother and the son sends money home each month to buy clothes, food etc.
Your relationship does sound a little strange.

Hope fully you won't be offended by these questions? The answers may help you.

Does your boyfriend work?
Is he younger or older than you?
Does he give you money to take care of the house, yourself, etc?
Does he get upset when you don't want to join him on his visits to the family, or does he appear happy about it?

I can assure you, that I have asked myself all these questions myself.
1: yes, he does work.
2. He is younger than me. A lot younger than me.
3. He doesn

If your husband is the eldest child then he is "pee" and the others are "nong" and it is his responsibility in Thai culture to sort out problems and look after family members in trouble.Females are not usually expected to take a physical lead in such matters if there is a brother around.
As for the extended family i am afraid that comes with the territory and it is advisable to live a good distance away from your partners relatives if you possibly can.Thais operate a kind of open house where anyone can pop in at any time without calling first.Can be very annoying but it is possible to control it if you sit down and explain the differences in cultures.

Well I doubt that your going to change the family apect, you say he is good to. That a you seem to realize means a lot. Maybe you should think in term of finding a few activities for yourself, when he has famliy business you won't be stuck waiting. Yes it difficult for you and him in translating conversations. If your like me you just get numb to it after awhile.

We don't live close to family but someone will call everyday. That OK make her happy and doesn't change my life much.

I find my sanity in visiting other farrang to speak english, we have two Danish nieghbors maybe a chat wiht them once in awhile would help.

I ride my motorcycle, for my time. Now that being said the wife and I are together the majority of the time.I enjoy it when she has somethign that she wants to do, without me. I get invited everytime but some times I know it's a Thai break she needs and I just don't go.

She shares activities with me but somethings are simplier more fun for her if I'm not in the mix, like shopping. Ocassionally I will want lunch with farrangs that my Harry's time she knows when I go there it is alone.

Try to find something that you can do for yourself, in those periods he is not available. Hey your female try some shopping trips. I bet you can do that for hours and never even spend a baht.

Nothing in the world stops you from going out to Harry's and having lunch and he is Danish.

I don't think you can change how he approaches his family, but you can change what you do with the time.

Rays perfectly correct, its not a Thai-farang thing, its just as farangs we are more aware of it. The Thai wives around me seem to have an answer. When their husband goes home to his family, which believe me, from what I see, is quite often and for extended periods too. They simply find a Gik to amuse and entertain them. They certainly don't sit at home brooding.
If your not aware of what a Gik is, there is a whole forum on the subject. i'm sure someone will post a link.

GIK, something like this

That looks terrible boring. But I know that my major problem is that I have no work, and no friends. This means that I am too depending on my boyfriend. I would never have thought that it would happen to me. But it did.

gik would be mia noi for men, or second wife, or husband for ladies, also as they say here, butterfly-metaphor for going from flower to flower, person to person, a joking suggestion to maybe you need a boyfriend to keep you smiling when hubby away with family.

i'm also a private person who doesn't like all the relatives around. not to sound demented, but one reason i pursued my present GF, as her parents are deceased and large family of 7 brothers/sisters are scattered about and only one within comfortable driving distance to house, with only one visit in 10 months. but that phone stays busy.

You got me there. But what do I know. I'm just a stupid falang.
And, okay it sounds more interesting than the picture indicated.

Am I the only one that doesn't understand a word? There is crucial information missing in the first post about who is who with what background - or is it just a satire and nobody recognized it?

After reading the first post again, the lady is asking for advice from anyone who might have experienced a similar situation that she finds herself in but I didn't notice the satire.

Advice? It may not be possible due to financial reasons or BF/TH's family reponsibilities but a move back to Hua Hin or Bangkok or Chiangmai (as examples) might be the answer, Danish. Your BF could still talk to his family/friends continuously on the phone and could make his visits regularly since buses, trains and planes are always available. You would be living in a place where you could make friends with other farangs, go to movies, malls and beaches so you might enjoy life more than you seem to be doing at present time. If you made an occasional visit to BF's home village, it would not be as boring an ordeal as it seems to be for you now and the family would probably make a big fuss when you visit.

If this isn't possible, then maybe you should take some classes in Thai that are offered here or other hobbies. Knowing a bit of the language might make life in Udon more bearable and it would keep you busy.

Just my opinion from the cheap seats.

I can empathize with the problems being described. My ex TW used to drag me out to the village on a regular basis - and then leave me standing there holding up a pole with nothing to do or anyone to talk to. Used to have to drag another falang along with me just to have someone to talk to. Of course, when there and the family needed or wanted something - then of course I was included in the conversation and saw a lot of hands being stretched out.

I know a lot of falang females that have come here and experienced the same that you are experiencing in one form or another. Simply stated, especially in this area, there isn't much to offer a falang woman. In reality, there really isn't much to offer a falang man on a regular basis. The majority of men here are with a woman who is with them almost 100% of the time.

There are some falang women here - though one doesn't see much of them. Know that there is at least one that working at one of the local schools - believe that she is French. You can PM me for additional details on her. Another falang woman here is English - and can be found at the City Lodge. Sure that she can empathize with you. Her name is Tracy. She might be a bit rough around the edges - but nice none the less.

Bottom line is don't expect too much too fast. Everything here happens slow.

Dealing with a Thai family is always difficult and different. Bear in mind that you don't need to go every time - but if you don't go once in awhile, the family may be offended - and think that you don't like them. Thais don't want people not to like them - especially if you are part of the family through marriage.

Good luck.

Danish wrote:That looks terrible boring. But I know that my major problem is that I have no work, and no friends. This means that I am too depending on my boyfriend. I would never have thought that it would happen to me. But it did.

There is a pretty good size Danish community in Nong Khai.Plus ,it is a jumping off point to Laos and we get a lot of falang tourists staying a day or two.Quite a few women!There are several woman teachers living here and a large contingent of ''the Travel To Teach''group!

It is very interesting to have you posting your experiences!Keep it up and all the best to you

of course don't forget that monthly farang bonding, psyco therapy, alcohol testing, intellectual exchange meeting by that motley crew, which is sometimes referred to as forum meeting phase 1 or pre- forum meeting which takes place every 1st saturday of the month at the night market. non moderated, but closely supervised by our signifigant others.

come and join the fun/therapy. it works wonders