Thai attitudes to marriage

It seems to me that when one seeks the ''truth and understanding''within a culture that accepts lies,corruption,avoidance of responsibility with the always convenient excuse or reason of ''face'',it is very very difficult if not impossible!In many cases, doing so only increases the tension,resentment and problems.
It is hard to evaluate the situation when one doesn't have a clear understanding of the facts and the ''players''.LUCK seems to be a big factor for those that feel successful.Time is a major factor!

nkstan wrote:It seems to me that when one seeks the ''truth and understanding''within a culture that accepts lies,corruption,avoidance of responsibility with the always convenient excuse or reason of ''face'',it is very very difficult if not impossible!In many cases, doing so only increases the tension,resentment and problems.
It is hard to evaluate the situation when one doesn't have a clear understanding of the facts and the ''players''.LUCK seems to be a big factor for those that feel successful.Time is a major factor!

Fully understand your point of view Stan, especially coming , as it does, so soon after your divorce . However I disagree about the time factor, other than the obvious , that we all change in many ways , over time. A marriage can go wrong from day one. I have been divorced twice. The first after 28 years, the second to a Thai, after 13.In both cases, the reason was due more to a change in me. What I still wanted from life, my hopes and ambitions, which I felt weren't being fulfilled within the confines of marriage . My first wife , mother of my daughter, accepted this and admitted, in her own words, " I was too much for her."So we divorced and still remain good friends to this day.The second wife , the Thai one, changed in the completely opposite direction. From being the stereotypical Thai lady, from a modest background, she became, after a few years in England, a successful, career minded, business woman. Which meant that , from being the husband caring, Asian style lady we all love, she changed to the very sort of female I had initially run away from . Oh yes , she still understood her wifely obligations to me, but felt paying someone else to cook and give me massage, yes even a mia noi to take care of the personal side, fulfilled the requirement .At first I accepted , even enjoyed this, but eventually I realised, that wasn't the sort of marriage I wanted. So we divorced, not amicably because she didn't understand why I wasn't happy with my lot .
Now I am coming up to our 10th anniversary with my present wife. We have our moments but generally because of my previous experiences from which I have learnt, we are enjoying our time together. I have settled down to a life of contentment and it's me that has changed to the Thai way of thinking, accepting it , warts and all. Not wanting her to change to mine .The future? Who knows but I am enjoying today .

I certainly agree that people change on both sides of the relationship with time,My reference to ''time''was meant to point out that those changes will happen and can go either way effecting compatibility.
My divorce was amicable as there was no scam planned,time brought changes that made for less compatibility.

Different personalities having some similar beliefs, such as practicing the same religion and a clearer understanding of the culture and language,should allow acceptance of each others ''warts'' much easier,plus allows for less change.

I got involved,as many do,very fast w/o much understanding of the culture,studied very intensely the language in the first few years including reading and writing,but I was to defensive about all the untoward remarks and conversations I would overhear,that I eventually withdrew my desire to pursue assimilation into the culture.Choosing to insulate myself with firm boundaries which was satisfactory for me,but to the detriment of my wife's identity and happiness as her personality was being transformed until she was in the confused in-between state that was difficult for everyone.I accept that I am a controller and made mistakes culturally that effected our marriage,We both are much happier on our own,I am very supportive to her now and her future.We both meant well in our marriage!I am lucky that she was not submerged in greed and deceit ,So is she,because She is still financially secure,free of my control,yet able to ask for counsel as she finds her way.It is my intention to be there for her as she needs it,there is no lack of trust!
The types of people,whether they have ''good hearts'' or selfish motives that override everything else make the difference and I would certainly agree that the attempting to change each other is detrimental to the health of the relationship!

A few comments on my comments so i just thought id add i cant believe that some of you actually think the way to love is to feed some middle aged leeches all of your spare cash so that they can buy a buffalo and you get to keep your woman

If it means i dont hook up with another Thai scammer then ill stick to my "sort out your own bloody life and be grateful for whatever you get" attitude, for anything is better than nothing.

I have my own family to support before i support someone elses than you very much. Spoon feeding these people endless cash and gifts does nothing except make them sponge off you more, and set precedence for others

I just looked at my bank account, in seven months i sent my (now) ex over $4000, I think that should be enough for someone who spends 50 baht a day on food and lives in a barn dont you?

If its not good enough for some of you, bite me!

More than 60 million Thai people with more than 60 million attitudes. Why do so many Western men pick the girls with the bad attitudes?

Frankie 1 wrote:More than 60 million Thai people with more than 60 million attitudes. Why do so many Western men pick the girls with the bad attitudes?

Here we are back to, given the choice, a thai woman would rather have a thai man.
Only when the good thai men are taken, then the thai woman looks around for a farang. To put it cynically.
I guess we farang would also first try to see if Heidi Klum were interested in us. It would be much easier, same Western culture etc.

After then taking the plunge into thai culture, there is indeed a fine line between subsidizing inlaw's buffalo indiscriminately compared to accepting that some measure of support is the norm. When in Rome do as the Romans (or butt out of Rome).

What is scary is these accounts of "everything was going fine but suddenly the wife rans of with kids and/or money".

Back to the OP question, I think that if a woman marries legally, then her "mss" (unmarried) status is changed to "mrs" (married). And after divorce, the title is not changed back. She is forever a "mrs", which lessens her status on the market.
Perhaps not an overriding factor, but just something that also might be behind the village only request.

Fact is the village-only request sounds suspicious, IMHO normally a woman would want legal marriage to tie her farang down. Since the OP first post is old it would be interesting to hear if he has found out the reason for the request now.