Thai attitudes to marriage

I am interested to know what sort of range of attitudes to marriage there is among the female Thai population in contact with white males, and what reasons they give for that attitude.

Specifically, Wanting only a buddhist (family and friends) ceremony but not a legal marriage.

Also attitudes to re-marriage after a previous buddhist (family and friends) ceremony.
Is this rare, or common? What happens to the sin sod?

Are there cases of Thai ladies engaging in serial buddhist(family and friends) marriages as a means of making money from foreign partners? What is the attitude of their local community to this? Is this common or rare?

Thanks for your comments

Without wishing to start yet another debate on this subject it is my strong belief that a fairly high percentage of Thai females are already married and/or in a lenghtly relationship with a Thai male when they decide to "get wed" village temple style to a foreigner , IMO this is treated as a sport or money making passtime by the woman and in most cases assisted by her Thai partner who usualy becomes her brother during the "fleece " period . I have lost count of how many mates and folks i know who have been had over by these pickpockets whether for a house built on mums land a pick up for that brother or a lump of gold and a dowery. In many cases its treated likea businesss or pension plan for papa and all the hangers on .

This is my opinion and i know there are many happily wed Thai -farang partnerships and good luck to all .

Mash ....... aint no teacher or preacher just a humble shopkeeper

Spot on Mash!

"Mash ....... aint no teacher or preacher just a humble shopkeeper"

Maybe you could set up a school for newcomers in the back of your shop. You could be a Teacher and a shopkeeper!

randerson79 wrote:Spot on Mash!

"Mash ....... aint no teacher or preacher just a humble shopkeeper"

Maybe you could set up a school for newcomers in the back of your shop. You could be a Teacher and a shopkeeper!

Not a bad idea R79 ........... i have two reservations ?? how much could i charge per hour and do you really think any of the students would listen ??

mash ......... likes shopkeeping and sleeping not preaching or teaching.

A lot of Farangs could save themselfs a lot of money.
If they stayed at. 1,000bt for one night !

Those views seem to be quite widespread, but I also read that many Thai/Thai marriages do not sign up to make it a legal marriage, both in local villages, and in the cities, where i read that women may lose valuable rights by signing up to a legal marriage.
The village marriage is a very big advertisement of a couple's commitment, and there seems to be huge social pressure not to lose face by walking out. The sin sod also seems to be an effective mechanism to keep a couple together through quarrels.
I can see benefits of the non legal marriage to the European partner who can simply walk away if things go badly wrong, provided he hasn't handed over his life savings. He probably won't consider loss of face or social pressures an issue. ( are there any advantages to a legal marriage? )
But is there anyone on this board in a long term non-legal marriage who can offer thoughts on why a Thai women might want this non legal marriage, without it being a rip-off?

moorlandwalker wrote:I am interested to know what sort of range of attitudes to marriage there is among the female Thai population in contact with white males, and what reasons they give for that attitude.

Specifically, Wanting only a buddhist (family and friends) ceremony but not a legal marriage.

Also attitudes to re-marriage after a previous buddhist (family and friends) ceremony.
Is this rare, or common? What happens to the sin sod?

Are there cases of Thai ladies engaging in serial buddhist(family and friends) marriages as a means of making money from foreign partners? What is the attitude of their local community to this? Is this common or rare?

Thanks for your comments

There are as many attitutes as there are people. It depends on what kind of women you are looking for. What kind of attitude you have towards women will also be decisive in what kind of women you will meet and how they will behave towards you.

If you are genuinely interested in regular Thai women, with a normal attitude, then you won't have to ask these questions.

ditto...having wandered thru the wastelands of singlehood tilling the soil in search of the elusive siamese femme fatale, you will reap what you sow. nice man will eventually attract a nice woman, but like fishing, he will also attract a bevy of scammers, that need to be toss back like an undersized fish.
.
I cant really answer the OP questions . maybe its just a Buddhist thing, not a western religious thing at that.indeed, did thais get legally married as we no it, before westerners came along??.

It is always a good thing to investigate and ask sincere questions!The problem is that when one asks such a general question,it usually shows a bias in ones belief system or an assumption that all Thais are the same.Which they are not!

Asking the question and giving specific background and your experience.might help you get a ''possible answer''!

I have experienced that there are many reasons for some gals to not get legally married.Everything from naeivity,to having a Thai husband/BF,less complicated,not wanting to change their surname, takes to long to get a contested divorce ,to purposeful scams,wanting to enmesh your feelings of connectivity so firmly by the illusion that they are not legally ''trapping'' you!

Also,when legally married,in a contested divorce,you have some rights to the things you have paid for,legally 50%,including land although you can't legally hold title to it.If you are not legally married,your chances of gaining anything is much lessened if in her possession,as it is claimed as gifts!

Many Thais are well aware or believe that most falangs,especially ''newbies'' are arrogant, assumptive and really lacking in knowledge of how things work in Thailand versus their home countries,therefore easily manipulated and overcharged compared to many that have been here for awhile and hold degrees from WBU,and classified as''You to smart''!

The mindset for wanting to be together is usually quite different also.Security,not feelings of physical attraction is the prime motivation usually, especially when a large age difference is involved.

There is a lot of prejudice in Thai society and most of the gals,not all,take on a lower social status when married to a falang ,versus a feeling of accomplishment when they ''capture and manipulate'',at least amongst their peers and in their own minds.

A major fact,IMO,is that Thais and falangs are so culturally different,their thinking is mostly or almostly opposite.The family has much to say in the decisions made by the girl as she is a major breadwinner and raised to think of her family first!

IMO,physical attractiveness and the initial elevated attention we receive is the main component to our desire to take on a Thai mate,although there are some that believe the Thai female is more subservient and ''dutiful'' which ,IMO,can be the actual case in some,but is usually motivated to ''sink the hook''in most.

IMO,Thai females are overwhemingly more attracted to Thai males,but economicly,especially in Isaan,they are not able to provide as well!Given a choice between a Thai and a falang equal in wealth and future financial stability,we falangs would mostly be relegated to the viewing section only!

Spot on nkstan and the last pragraph of your post is soooooooo true.

moorlandwalker wrote:But is there anyone on this board in a long term non-legal marriage who can offer thoughts on why a Thai women might want this non legal marriage, without it being a rip-off?

I am legally married but can offer one explanation for it based on conversations with various ladies . If in a Buddha wedding ,the wife has the same rights as the man to kick their partner out if he is unfaithful. However in a formal marriage contract, whilst the man can sue for divorce if his wife is unfaithful, the wife doesn't have this right and simply has to put up with the situation .Possibly the reason why so many mia nois are tolerated. It would appear that most legal marriages, within the working class couples, are based on the benefits available to the spouse of a government employee, such as medical care, death benefit and pension. That is why a lot of men , including some farang, prefer to legally tie the knot, if their intended is in such employment.

Wow tb... I didn't know that a registered marriage emasculates the wife inasmuch that only the 'common law' equivalent of the Buddhist-only ceremony allows her to cut off your pecker.

I registered our marriage years ago but never bothered with the Buddhist/family/sin sodt rigmarole. The wife used to say it would be nice to do it now we are in Udon. However, when I suggested that she pick an auspicious date this summer, she has been back-pedalling a bit on what always appeared to be her wish. Go figure.

Thats a good read NKSTAN for a newbie like myself. Thanks

Some insights from another source from the Thai wife point of view:

There is prevalent and strong social pressure to compete for who gets the most sin sod, who gets the highest monthly allowance, biggest house etc. from their partner / husband. Equally prevalent is the competition for a conspicuous consumption lifestyle.
Sin sod is very much a strong and ongoing tradition in the community, but not at inflated rates.
A village only ceremony may reflect lack of trust that the man will be around for long, suspicion that the man already has another wife /partner back home. If the man suggests a village only ceremony it will be assumed that he has another wife back home.
If you want to see if your thai gf loves you or your money, don't offer sin sod above 50 000 Baht and don't pay her so much money that she doesn't need to work. She will only appreciate the value of money if she has to work for it. You can offer to pay for things for her family as and when they are needed, such as a replacement fridge, education for children.
But if you are not reasonably generous in this way you will be despised!
If their family value you as a person, and think you will be a good addition to the family and you offer some long term security then the relationship will continue. If your money is foremost in their minds it will end.

As I said. A Thai female viewpoint.