Thai Children And The Lack Of Discipline

Today I need a rant because I just can't shift this from my brain, so let the therapy begin.

I have a nephew who in my opinion is not a human child but the Antichrist. Large crows follow him around, haunting music fills my mind when I catch sight of his eyes, the full works.

Despite being only five years old his list of misdemeanors grows daily but yesterday he excelled himself and so did his parents when it came to any form of discipline.
His father came home from work driving his brand new Honda Civic just collected from the showroom ten minutes before and is proudly displaying it to the family. "Damien" picks up some stones and starts throwing them around the carpark which he has done many times before and is told not to do it several times as he always is. He then decides throwing them at the car is even funnier and connects with its bonnet causing a dent and scratch.
After a couple of minor taps on his arm by the mother in law, his father gives him a cuddle because Damien is upset.
Damien's father is a police officer!!!!
Five minutes later Damien is running around outside again without a care in the world.

If it was me the kid would not be able to sit down for a week!
I have tried to explain to the wife that due to the whole families lack of disciplining Damien they are perpetuating his behavior, in fact he probably feels he is rewarded for it on occasions but they give me this nonsense about "Naughty kid can be smart kid"
Absolute BS, for me any kid that needs to be told fifty times not to do something and still does it is either bad at heart and needs to learn there are consequences to his actions or is just plain dumb.

They seem to believe this softly, softly approach is the way to go and seem to think I'm the one in the wrong when I do things like ban him from my house, that was for writing all over my floors and walls with indelible marker for the tenth time!

Its doing my head in, any suggestions?

Roy... Does this treatment of this little sh1t not remind you of society today, and the number one reason why old grannies cant walk the street without fear of their lives?? when i was a kid the teachers used to instill morality into you also the sense of right and wrong, and if you were a bit of a handful the parents would re-enforce the teachers view by giving you a good hiding too!!! Now the poor teacher is stuffed!!! and NO discipline, right and wrong, morality is taught to the kids because the parents are too busy holding down 3 jobs a piece... so now we have kids using the pc brigades rules against the system... its loonacy!!! also when i was a kid PC Barnsley was on the beat and if he caught us being naughty he would give us a good hiding then take us home to our dad and he too would give us a good hiding, a copper bringing you home for all the neighbours to see brought shame down on the familly... And guess what??? i dont have any psycological scars and neither does anyone i know from that era!!!!

I know i agreed to it but ive changed my mind!!!! Dont bring him to see my planes!!!!!

Roy, I cannot tell the number of times I've seen this behavior between parents and off-spring (particularly with boys) here and in the Philippines. It is very troubling to watch and I cannot imagine how I would react if it were a 'nephew'. Your banning the boy from your home after 10 offenses seems waaay too lenient in my opinion, I'm still a believer in 3 strikes - you're out!

I feel, like you, that the root cause is a basic lack of discipline and failure to take/teach responsibility. I've never heard the 'naughty kid = bright kid' analogy but my retort would be, "responsibility = respect, naughty kid = NO RESPECT, it doesn't matter how 'bright' the child might be. If you expect him to be respected in later life, you'd better teach him to be responsible for his actions." Of course, I'm no Dr. Spock, (the renowned child psychologist whose own child finally committed suicide), but here in LOS they lust for respect and cannot stand loss of face, so I feel this approach might work.

Just my 2 cents worth.
P.S. I'm NOT interested in meeting your in-laws.

Roy,

Having seen the "little darling" in action, and the end results, I think that your on a hiding for nothing, its not only the Father & mother that aspirates the problems, its the enlarged family.

They all consider that his antics are cute, and consider it a form of entertainment.

Whatever you endeavour to do, your going to be wrong, and likely to alienate the whole family. heads they win, tails you lose.

Tell me about it lads. An errant son literally cost me my first Thai marriage. He was 7 when I married her and 22 when I divorced. In all that time my efforts to install a sense of discipline and respect in him just backfired and I always got the flack.At 19 he became a "father'. At 20 he sired a second one, to a different girl. No job or any attempt to get one. As we lived in England and I had got him citizenship, he just signed on the dole, got a council house, sired a couple more kids. His mum bought him a car, which he smashed within 6 months, not insured. Guess who was expected to foot the bill. Compare that to his 4 year younger sister who was expected to help around the house, hold down a part time job and eventually went to the University of London, where she graduated with honours, all without any motherly assistance.What is it that is so special about Thai boy kids.?Then in later life the females complain Thai man no good. Bloody hell its the mothers that make e'm like that.

I totally agree with Trubrit, I have a niece just a little older than Damien and she is a little Angel but if she steps a foot out of line she seems to get punished.
The thing I find frustrating is the one time I really lost my temper with him, think he nearly took the wifes eye out with a fork at a family dinner if I recall, and smacked his arse so hard that even I felt guilty there was a definite improvement in his behavior. For a couple of weeks he was almost normal around me but any good done is quickly undone by the rest of them.
I think smacking kids is a last resort, with my own child I never had to because he was punished in other ways early on, you know the type of thing, removing a favourite toy, bed early, that kind of thing.
He learnt quickly that his actions had consequences and was bright enough to take that on board but Buddha give my strength when I am forced to spend more the 5 minutes in this brats company.
Thinking about it, maybe the family think Buddha will magically bestow respect, manners and self discipline at a later date and they don't need to worry
Thinking more about it, if thats true put me down for some of that self discipline stuff to please Buddha, I seemed to have missed out on that one

bigwavedave wrote:
I know i agreed to it but ive changed my mind!!!! Dont bring him to see my planes!!!!!

I did tell you he was a little on the lively side Dave
Don't worry after the latest episode I am not taking him anywhere

It's the bad ones that get the attention. Anyone have any good reports of raising Thai boy's?

My gf has a 2yo boy that has stayed with us before and is now coming back. I have mixed feelings about this.

Three months ago she shipped him off to her sisters to stay while she is going to school, but now insists that she needs to be with her son and wants to bring him back to stay with us. Understandable point of view form a mother.

My problem is that I thought that it would be no problem for me to help in raising her son, but I based this thought on my own experience raising kids in the western world. She seems to think everything should be up to the childs desires and not us. These are some of the disagreements we've had with when he was living with us before:

BED- She wants to let him sleep in our bed, I want him to sleep in another room. The comprimise was he sleeps in another bed next to ours, but is usually in our bed by morning. When can he start sleeping in his own room? When he is no longer afraid to sleep alone according to her.

SLEEP- I have tried to explain that a child needs to be on a sleep schedule and be put to bed at the same time every night. A child will always fight the urge to sleep to stay up to play. Her answer is that she can't make him sleep if he's not tired. So he's allowed to stay up until he passes-out or the lights go out and there's nothing for him to focus his attention on to stay awake.

EATING- At meal time, I want him to sit and eat until he's finished, then he can wash up and play. She will allow him to alternately eat and run around the house with food in his mouth and hand playing thus getting food everywhere.

NO!- Since she dosn't want to spank him for misbehaving (and she offers no alternative to this), so when he is misbehaving, after telling him no a couple of times I resort to yelling which scares the sh-t out of him. She doesn’t like this either because it scares him.

SCREAMING- If he isn't getting something he wants he starts screaming. I say let him scream, he needs to learn he can't have everything he wants. She gives in (thus reinforcing that screaming get him what he wants) and say's she doesn’t like to see him unhappy.

HITTING- If he is misbehaving and she picks him up he will sometimes deliberately hit her in the face. She will of course hold his hand so he cannot do this. I'm not sure that hitting a child to teach him not to hit is right, but if she doesn’t do something to stop this behavior I'm afraid he'll be beating her up when he's 15 and she tells him he can't borrow the motorbike!

I see all of this as a perfect recipe for raising a spoiled brat that will make my life miserable! If you've had a good experience raising a Thai stepson here I'd like to hear about it.

Only two years old and she can't control him? You don't need our advise you can see it for yourself.
As for the sleeping alone thing. My present step son will be 12 years in December. After a lot of fights I have forbidden him to sleep in our bedroom, so guess what? The wife sleeps in his. When we tried making him stay alone, he pee'd the bed, made himself sick with crying and generally managed to f--k my nights sleep up. Oh yes, I forgot. I am the bad one. Welcome to the step dad club.

wow, i feel blessed. raised 2 kids in states, for about 8 yers, starting at 5 and 6 yrs old, undiscipled, until i suggested i take over. within a month, 2 angels and never hit them. most of you have seen Gem, had a tough time dealing with me and ma break up, but got over it, and is a 'gem'. again, as pointed out, no need to hit kids. i can only remember once when i was a kid, playing near the train track and warned, so expected. out father was big, would yell, and that was enough. there is always something the kid wants, that you can deny, until rational thinking sets in, then it runs on autopilot.

Gem's mother and family would do all the negative above, best thing was her leaving, thank you. so no conflicts with my kid rearing style. when Ree joined the family, it was decided, I am the disciplinarian, no if and or buts. sometimes she has problems with it, not understanding, she's a kid, and an airhead, and you have to tell her 20 times, and she will alway test you. she has now gotten past the ignore Ree occasionally, and only listen to me, that after a couple stern talks. maybe in couple years, she'll stop being an airhead, from experience, common sense and real memory/thinking won't kick in for another year or two. she is already a self starter in the morning, wakes herself and preps for school, wakes me for limo service. no complaints here.

think most of my luck is no distractions and outside influences. Ree is fairly patient, as not raised kids before, so accepts my judgement, with some reservations, be she sees it's working and patient for couple more years, so hopefully can stop repeating herself over and over.

good luck, sounds like a few need it.

Hey chaps i had to deal with the '' New society '' at home here it seems to be worse, couple with the fact that Boys are considered better than girls in the Thai order of Things.

Girls make money ...sin sod.. etc and boys just cost, the quicker you get rid the better.

personally my wife has a younger brother.. ( she is not a child bride before anyone says anything). and he does listen to me, on the odd occasions he steps out of line I say something and I get hassle, but after time using logic..mt wife understands that her brothers actions are not good and has a go.

Thai society has lost the plot they try and instill old fashioned ideas onto upwardly mobile younger generation with mobile phones and internet access.
the old style loses out big time and we see the results, the shame is the police and schols kow tow to this softly softly ideas and now the fight is trying to get discipline back, which they may win only after a long battle.

It just seems to be the Thai way to not discipline the boys!What does one do when they are confronted with this ,not understanding it to start with?
For me,I set limits and boundaries in my relationships with all people!I feel that I have 2 choices,either accept or take control of what effects my life!My relationships with Thais are very minimal because of these boundaries and so be it!
Fortunately,I don't have a stepson,but if I did ,he would be disciplined and if the wife didn't comply,they would both be gone!Yeah yeah,it is a strong way of doing things,but I have found that in some areas of MY LIFE,giving away control,causes me to much misery and I am not willing to waste my remaining years mucked down in misery because I didn't set strong enough boundaries and keep my word from the get go!
Roys situation with his nephew is the type of thing,I will not allow to be part of my life!I would ban the lot from my home and the wife to,if she didn't stand with me.
Obviously ,I don't have many Thai relationships in my life!And that is OK with me!I can get along fine w/o catering to people!I can smile ,say hello,chit chat superficially,but if they try to get close,they hear the boundaries and limits of my life and can make their own choices about friendship or not!
I don't expect perfection,but the attitude and effort must be there!

Yes Stan I can see your point of view but for me that's a little too dogmatic. Take my circumstances. I have a very good relationship with my wife and normally with the son. I would go so far to say 95% good and only 5% slight problem. So I choose to close my eyes to the latter. Now that doesn't mean I don't care about them, I do, and given the choice I would put my foot down and solve them in the way I know that works. If I did that however I would have destroyed the relationship with the boy, and whats more will undoubtedly got into conflict with the wife. So I choose to grab the 95% good and ignore the other 5%. It seems a fair compromise to me. After all if I was 100% happy I wouldn't know it because I wouldn't have anything to compare it with.So a little bit of misery makes you appreciate the good times more.
I will say however from my own experience, if you marry a woman with a boy child, no matter how loving and faithful to you she is, you will ALWAYS take second place to her son. If you aren't able to accept that then you shouldn't get involved with her.

Sounds like the little lad needs a few lessons from 'Super Nanny' Jo Frost , she works wonders with little tearaways....and you never know he might well grow out of it...only another 12 years to go Roy....or he might get interested in something like football(Or model planes) that could turn him around, seen it happen within the family.