There's a really good book on Amazon that a few people here might find a use for.
It's a professional insult book with 99 offensive insults.
There's one insult per page and a table on page 1 where you tick off the page number containing the insult you think most appropriate and give/send it to the "insultee".

It's called GET STUFFED by Dirty Jack McShagnasty: http://www.amazon.com/Get-Stuffed-Dirty ... et+stuffed

Amazon's website lets you look inside the first 10 or so pages.