Living with Wife's Parents, a Good Idea?

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milkman
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Living with Wife's Parents, a Good Idea?

Post by milkman » August 7, 2014, 4:31 pm

My wife and I built a big beautiful 3 bedroom house in Muang Udon 8 years ago, but have never spent a night there. Instead, her parents have lived there, while we've rented another place 20 minutes away. Everyone's been happy and we've all gotten along fine in our own places.

We're only in Udon a few months a year, so now we've decided to give up our rental. It seems foolish to pay rent for 12 months a year when we're only here 3 or 4. And when we come back, my wife wants us to move in with her parents. We'd have a beautiful nice bedroom, but...I'm reluctant. Partly it's that these people are sloppy, leaving things all over the place, never vacuuming. They even have a giant collection of plastic bottles and paper on the side of the house! Partly it's because we wouldn't have as much privacy as we've enjoyed until now, and I like not having to interact with people except when I choose. Partly I guess it's because I'm afraid I'd feel like I was back living with my parents, and that's not a real comfortable feeling.

My wife says I'll love it once I get used to it. Anybody have any experience doing this, and how did it turn out? Thanks for any stories or advice you can give. :D



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GT93
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Living with Wife's Parents, a Good Idea?

Post by GT93 » August 7, 2014, 4:49 pm

I liked it when my mother-in-law stayed with us. She helped out despite being sufficiently old that I expected little from her. She gets up early as do I. I enjoyed seeing her pottering around in the early mornings. She was tidier than the other Thais in the house.

I don't think you can expect farang standards of orderliness in Thailand. You're in their country and amongst their culture and to a certain extent I think it's easiest to try and adjust to their ways as much as you can. Your Mrs. might have been doing most of the adjusting (to you) so far.

While many things can be made into problems, I think there are also rewards for living more in the Thai manner. I suggest you give it a trial but tell the Mrs. it will be a challenge and it is just a trial for now. You might grow to really like it. You will probably need to keep practising patience. That's a good practice and a good skill to develop. Easier said than done. We're all working on some things.
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pf-flyer
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Living with Wife's Parents, a Good Idea?

Post by pf-flyer » August 7, 2014, 5:18 pm

Your posting has several comments that you need to take heed of. " we've all gotten along fine in our own places" ".I'm reluctant " and " that's not a real comfortable feeling ". Do not ignore your gut feelings. Those feelings are there for a reason. You and your wife need to have an honest and open heart to heart discussion in regards to your expectations and your wife's expectations and most of all your wife's family expectations. The wife's family is most likely not going to change. Are you and your wife willing to make the adjustments to that living environment ? If the living situation causes stress and puts a strain on your marriage. Is the money that you are saving by living with the wife's parents worth the stress and strain on your marriage ?
"Life is like a tube of toothpaste. Outward pressure brings out the inward contents."

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fatbob
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Living with Wife's Parents, a Good Idea?

Post by fatbob » August 7, 2014, 5:50 pm

Give it a try and see how you go, if you don't like it you can get a renter again. I stayed with my wifes family on and off for years, it wasn't ideal but it was ok at the time, I would head to Udon for an over nighter every two weeks for a bit of sanity and space, you never know until you try!

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BobHelm
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Living with Wife's Parents, a Good Idea?

Post by BobHelm » August 7, 2014, 5:54 pm

A little like pf-flyer I think you have answered the question yourself.
You can already see things that would make your stay uncomfortable & that will only get worse once you are actually there.

I would say that you would be better off making alternative arrangements.

At the very least I would have a plan that said I stayed for a short time (a week maybe) only & then go somewhere else. Maybe a planned trip to Chang Mai, for example.
This would give you a chance to try it & then sit back & reflect on the experience & see if it was something you could live with longer term...
Rather than something that had been agreed on & then have to be backed out of....

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Aardvark
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Living with Wife's Parents, a Good Idea?

Post by Aardvark » August 7, 2014, 6:05 pm

And don't forget that although you payed for and built the House, you will never be any more than a Guest ...

plumbers
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Living with Wife's Parents, a Good Idea?

Post by plumbers » August 7, 2014, 6:20 pm

Am i reading this right , you have a house you paid for but you do not live in it , your in laws live there and you rent.
Any way living with in laws of any nationality is never goint to be easy.

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maaka
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Living with Wife's Parents, a Good Idea?

Post by maaka » August 7, 2014, 6:33 pm

well me, I have lived alone for 30yrs, and now I am going to find it hard to start living with my new partner and her little boy next year..if I had to live with mama and papa also, I wouldnt do it..as it is I have told the wee woman I will live six months with her, and then head back alone to my remote island home for the other six months, and she has accepted that..If I become to like living with her then I might extend the time frame, but to be honest, they will find it hard to live with me..I am very particular, talk alot to myself out aloud, and whatever you do dont dare touch me when I am asleep, I nearly killed the last person to do that..old habits die hard...

Cant help think you will be the odd one out if you move in with the olds..depends how they treat you now I guess..never change a winning team they say, so if things are working well now, why change it for afew bucks...hell if your rental is vacant half the year, and I am looking for a bolt hole, maybe we can come to an arrangement further down the track...

like coxo says, you can always give it a go, but tell the Mrs first that its a trail run, or you will do it for a month at a time, or whatever, leave yourself a way out....hell arent I a cagey bugger..

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semperfiguy
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Living with Wife's Parents, a Good Idea?

Post by semperfiguy » August 7, 2014, 8:53 pm

Milkman, I would give this place a try if you're only staying in Udon for two months at at time. My wife and I dropped in to take a look for a friend coming into town to live with his new gf, and we think the place is really superb. The one bedroom suite is very roomy and well appointed. It has a microwave and fridge and one is allowed to bring in a countertop electric cooking stove. If I didn't own my own home and had it to do over again, I would be living in this place. The suite is 12,000 per month with all utilities included. The new swimming pool will be completed after rainy season is over. This place is newly constructed, so everything is brand new and very well maintained. The staff is extremely cordial and speak English well.

http://www.hisoplace.com/jonghongpuk.php

I can't speak to whether or not you should move in with the in-laws since I don't know you, your wife or her family; but I can tell you that I wouldn't do such a thing under any circumstances. Chances are your wife will start answering to her parents and not you, and that's a recipe for disaster. Just a thought!!!!!
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redwolf
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Living with Wife's Parents, a Good Idea?

Post by redwolf » August 7, 2014, 9:30 pm

I wouldn't bother.
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Drunk Monkey
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Living with Wife's Parents, a Good Idea?

Post by Drunk Monkey » August 8, 2014, 12:00 am

redwolf wrote:I wouldn't bother.
Agree with that redwolf.
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maaka
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Living with Wife's Parents, a Good Idea?

Post by maaka » August 8, 2014, 5:01 am

why dont you move into your lovely house, and move the in laws to the rental...
at least you get to enjoy the house you built..

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pf-flyer
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Living with Wife's Parents, a Good Idea?

Post by pf-flyer » August 8, 2014, 7:30 am

[quote="semperfiguy"] Chances are your wife will start answering to her parents and not you, and that's a recipe for disaster. Just a thought!!!!![/quote]

In a lot of situations the wife's family will not hesitate to expect your wife to be more loyal to them than she is to your marriage. I they will use that advantage to get their way. I have see it happen over and over again. Be smart. Do not be gullible. Promises will be made with no intention of keeping them.
"Life is like a tube of toothpaste. Outward pressure brings out the inward contents."

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fatbob
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Living with Wife's Parents, a Good Idea?

Post by fatbob » August 8, 2014, 7:43 am

Why not just try it, if its no good then you move out, nothing ventured nothing gained, my wifes family do not interfere with anything we do, it seems posters here are claiming ALL Thai's to be exactly the same, this perception is ignorant, its up to you to claim your space and to lay down some basic rules if you live together.

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merchant seaman
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Living with Wife's Parents, a Good Idea?

Post by merchant seaman » August 8, 2014, 8:00 am

First thing I would do is have them clean the place up, get rid of the plastic bottles and paper and explain you expect it to stay clean.
No man has a good enough memory to be a succesful liar.

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Zidane
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Living with Wife's Parents, a Good Idea?

Post by Zidane » August 8, 2014, 8:11 am

milkman,you cannot be serious...... #-o
A recipe for disaster and divorce.
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Just when I thought our chance had passed,you go and save the best for last.

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noosard
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Living with Wife's Parents, a Good Idea?

Post by noosard » August 8, 2014, 9:33 am

I built my 2 story house 3 years ago for the wife and 2 kids
Papa moved in probably 2 months after we did
I was away a lot at that time so was security for the family
Took mama about a year to shift in
also got the sister's 2 kids as well
at this stage they just slept in the down stairs lounge kitchen
End of last year I bought a new bed and put the old one in the spare room for Ma and pa to use
Pa is very quiet and likes things clean
Ma helps wife with the mushrooms picking every night between 1 and 2am
Having Ma and Pa living with us makes things mainly easier for my wife and me
We can leave the kids pretty much anytime
Pa cooks for them mostly
but the kids like farang type food more I think
so my plate gets attacked a fair bit
Mostly Ma and Pa give me space
which is upstairs

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Zidane
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Living with Wife's Parents, a Good Idea?

Post by Zidane » August 8, 2014, 10:34 am

I should qualify my post by saying it is not to do with the parents being Thai.My reaction would have been the same if my ex English wifes parents would have suggested sharing a house with them in England.....I value my privacy.

You can imagine the scenario.You come down in the morning to the kitchen but cannot get near the sink for unwashed dishes and plastic bottles strewn on the floor.In the meantime,mama is over the stove cooking fried maggots in a fish sauce for your breakfast !
You go into the lounge to watch TV but find papa sprawled on the sofa watching the Thai boxing !

When members of my wifes mentally and morally challenged family from Chaiyaphum or Bangkok occassionally come to stay with us its like living in the monkey enclosure at Chester Zoo.....with apologies to any monkeys reading who may be offended by this remark !
I just go upstairs,put on the aircon,switch on the TV,lock the door and let them get on with it.
Our cat isnt daft as he chooses to stay upstairs with me than mix with the family.

Seriously,milkman,you have made a bit of a rod for your own back by letting the in-laws live in there permanently.
They will see it as their house,not yours and your wifes.
Good luck with resolving this issue.
Just when I thought our chance had passed,you go and save the best for last.

thaiguzzi
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Living with Wife's Parents, a Good Idea?

Post by thaiguzzi » August 8, 2014, 10:49 am

My MIL is one of the greatest human beings i've ever met anywhere. Love her to bits. Lived in her house the first 18 months i moved here. She regularly comes to visit and stay a night or three with us. If she moved in permanently (widower) it would not bother me in the slightest.

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fatbob
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Living with Wife's Parents, a Good Idea?

Post by fatbob » August 8, 2014, 11:10 am

thaiguzzi wrote: by thaiguzzi » August 8, 2014, 10:49 am

My MIL is one of the greatest human beings i've ever met anywhere. Love her to bits. Lived in her house the first 18 months i moved here. She regularly comes to visit and stay a night or three with us. If she moved in permanently (widower) it would not bother me in the slightest.
Thankyou!!! =D>

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