two years on and still going against the current?

by **patayapete** » February 3, 2008, 2:08 am

hi guys,
well i took the advise offered by the forums graduates from w.b uni
i went to the village and met my g f family+ friends, i used the slowly slowly method of getting to know her?
so here i am after two happy years and i'm right back where i started!!
everything was ok until about four weeks ago,i left udon on the 31st jan
as there was an illness in my family.
it all started to go down hill around the time my gf's friend went back to the village with a wealthy farang in tow,as i spoke to my gf most days
i got a rundown on how much money this farang was spending on her fiends house .
i million here 200,000 bht there ,much more than my modest outlay over the last six months, which as i have no intention of living in the village i thought would only be a waste of money? so all my phone calls now include ''i don't have any money in the bank''(she paid 20,000 for a roof repair 5 weeks ago)''everything is much dearer now'' and after months of telling me she misses her 2 kids and wanted to go back to udon,she told me the money i send her( 8k p.m) is not enough and she is going to bangkok to look for work,
i came to this monthly amount after consulting the udon map expats who live around udon,maybe i am wrong but with no rent or air con to pay and no debts,i also pay for any extras ,i wonder if food/electrcity/bus prices have really
gone up that much??
i have no problem with her working, it just seems her friend's new wealth
is changing her expectations of what she should have,and i have no intentions of changing my plans every time a falang wants to throw cash around!
your thoughts on these happenings are wellcome.
cheers

by **beer monkey** » February 3, 2008, 5:42 am

it just seems her friend's new wealth
is changing her expectations of what she should have,

This is a common 'problem', they see others doing better than them(or so they think) and they want some of that cake too,would of thought the 8k is still good for the simple village life.
What amount is she asking for ????
Any work available for her in Udon..???

got a rundown on how much money this farang was spending on her fiends house .
i million here 200,000 bht there

Just think....the 1 million here and the 200.000 there her friend talks about , is quite possibly 'inflated'.

by **dill** » February 3, 2008, 6:24 am

beer monkey wrote:
it just seems her friend's new wealth
is changing her expectations of what she should have,

This is a common 'problem', they see others doing better than them(or so they think) and they want some of that cake too,would of thought the 8k is still good for the simple village life.
What amount is she asking for ????
Any work available for her in Udon..???

agree with this comment bm,as far as 8 thousand should be plenty unless she is seporting her family as well as her self.

got a rundown on how much money this farang was spending on her fiends house .
i million here 200,000 bht there

Just think....the 1 million here and the 200.000 there her friend talks about , is quite possibly 'inflated'.

by **Aardvark** » February 3, 2008, 7:17 am

Dont you just hate it when some knob walks in and starts throwing money around trying to make a name for himself... :mad:

Why Bangkok for work, there must be something local..? We have a house ma @ pa and two teenage girls in fultime school and 10.000 pm pays all the bills and there's always a little left over. Maybe you should suggest that if she gets work in BKK you wont need to send money anymore and see what reaction you get. I would think she's just going through a phase because her gf has a twit with a fat wallet, this will soon change as it always does when the new Falang goes home with his tail between his legs. Maybe at this stage a little patience is required. Good luck

by **Irish Alan** » February 3, 2008, 10:06 am

As Neil Hutchison says in his books Thai girls like to play, "My fahlang is better than your fahlang." So ensues a game of throwing figures around to see who has the best fahlang. Reminds me of the old cartoon of the boy and girl in the playground talking about what they have. The little boy loses it and pulls down his pants and points at his Dick... "I have one of these and you haven't." The girl pulls down her pants and points to her wotsit and says, "Well I've got one of these and with one of these I can get as many of those as I want."

by **lighspur1** » February 3, 2008, 10:18 am

Seems she is far more interested in the money and face than she is you. She was happy with fish she had on the line untill she saw there might be a bigger one in the pond.

by **PopsIcafe** » February 3, 2008, 10:36 am

Also think about this.....when the money runs out, then what is he going to do and how is his gf/tw going to look like in the village?????? Some of the farangs throw that money around like it grows on trees...then the trees becomes bare and what is he going to do then????

Pop's :pirate:

by **Galee** » February 3, 2008, 12:46 pm

I have a good friend in the UK who is married to a Thai lady and he informs me that within their circle of other Thai ladies envy and jealousy is still a major cause of unrest. When one husband buys a new car the others want a newer more expensive car.

I wonder if Thais will ever learn that the way to true happiness is not by measuring their material assets. Seems that they contradict their religion?.

by **gulfman** » February 3, 2008, 2:19 pm

I don't think that the desire to " Keep up with the Jones'" is particularly a trait reserved for Thais. It is the basis of most of our western sales culture, new clothes, new cars, latest electronic gizmo etc., with both women AND men trying to imply that spending ability is the only method of assessing a person's worth.

by **Bump** » February 3, 2008, 3:15 pm

Maybe just maybe instead of worrying so much it might just be time to find a person who fits your needs more. Your not married as far as I can tell, so you still have the freedom of choice.

More money you can include me in that group as well, don't know to many people who would not like a bit more.

I'm left with the impression that you are still in the real world sending money. So if you stop sending the money how is your life going to change?

If she goes to Bangkok and goes to work how does that effect you?

What were your expectations in the relationship, are they being fufilled?

Having WBU gradute course completed the first reletionship I had was long distance. First time through really did what she said she would do and was careful wiht the money she was given Visited her fro three months and then went back to work, she was all of sudden burning through 60K a month and that wasn't enough. The questions I asked you are very similar to what I asked you.

I found the answers that applied to me and terminated the relationship, if that is what you could really call it. Yuo seee what was really happening wasn't a relationship but me trying to exercise a dream not reality. Now there is absolutley nothing wrong with that if you are getting some joy out of it. But if that Joy turns to anguish might be time to rethink things.

Long distance realtionships are difficult at best, but you have doubts, sound like the girls in the village are playing her like a violen. Someone is playing music, either the envy music by the villagers or she is serenading you.

In any event doesn't sound like your happy.

My suggestion to you is really look at what your needs are, decide how far you are willing to adapt those needs for a relationship. Will those needs with adjutments be met in this relationship? If so maybe you got something worth fighting for.

Remember two things you can not do it alone takes both of you. Secondly the only person you can change is yourself.

I eventually found my dream with a lot of adaption on my part. But it didn't happen over the internet and it didn't happen as a long distance realtionship.

It's fine to get thoughts and frustrations out in a forum like this, most of us have been down the same road you are on. But, in the end it is really up to you to decide what is best in your life.

Good Luck

by **BKKSTAN** » February 3, 2008, 3:30 pm

Bump wrote:Maybe just maybe instead of worrying so much it might just be time to find a person who fits your needs more. Your not married as far as I can tell, so you still have the freedom of choice.

More money you can include me in that group as well, don't know to many people who would not like a bit more.

I'm left with the impression that you are still in the real world sending money. So if you stop sending the money how is your life going to change?

If she goes to Bangkok and goes to work how does that effect you?

What were your expectations in the relationship, are they being fulfilled?

Having WBU gradaute course completed the first relationship I had was long distance. First time through really did what she said she would do and was careful with the money she was given Visited her fro three months and then went back to work, she was all of sudden burning through 60K a month and that wasn't enough. The questions I asked you are very similar to what I asked you.

I found the answers that applied to me and terminated the relationship, if that is what you could really call it. You see what was really happening wasn't a relationship but me trying to exercise a dream not reality. Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with that if you are getting some joy out of it. But if that Joy turns to anguish might be time to rethink things.

Long distance relationships are difficult at best, but you have doubts, sound like the girls in the village are playing her like a violen. Someone is playing music, either the envy music by the villagers or she is serenading you.

In any event doesn't sound like your happy.

My suggestion to you is really look at what your needs are, decide how far you are willing to adapt those needs for a relationship. Will those needs with adjustments be met in this relationship? If so maybe you got something worth fighting for.

Remember two things you can not do it alone takes both of you. Secondly the only person you can change is yourself.

I eventually found my dream with a lot of adaption on my part. But it didn't happen over the internet and it didn't happen as a long distance relationship.

It's fine to get thoughts and frustrations out in a forum like this, most of us have been down the same road you are on. But, in the end it is really up to you to decide what is best in your life.

Good Luck

Advice doesn't get any better than this IMO! =D>

by **arjay** » February 3, 2008, 3:36 pm

Agree with all the above, but most particularly Aardvark.

Yes, it is a shame that there will always be someone around with more money than sense, or who they hear of allegedly giving big money!

Tell her you know of 3 or 4 other farangs who send/give 5K baht per month to their wives, and suggest that the one giving the big money will probably be "here today and gone tomorrow", whereas the ones giving 5K will be here for the long term and may be able to give more later.

A good test would be to tell her that you are working less hours at home currently and therefore will have to reduce what you are giving her to 6K per month. Though that shouldn't be a problem if she is going to get a job!

If she loves you, she will cope with it.

Be aware that you are probably giving her more than she is likely to earn, unless she is selling (herself).

If she keeps pushing, call her bluff and be prepared to move on!

by **beer monkey** » February 3, 2008, 7:21 pm

Galee wrote:I have a good friend in the UK who is married to a Thai lady and he informs me that within their circle of other Thai ladies envy and jealousy is still a major cause of unrest. When one husband buys a new car the others want a newer more expensive car.

Yes a major cause of unrest in some circles, also along with the 'Tall Tales' and 'chinese whispers' that occur.

by **patayapete** » February 3, 2008, 8:57 pm

hi guys thanks for all your input its really apreciated
firstly while i was in the village i checked the house out and he has spent 1mil+ imo.
second he has lived in thailand for quite awhile and is allegedly a partner in a pole decorating bussiness in pattaya :shock:

(so he has a bit of dough and not likely to go anytime soon)
third my gf's friend met him in the pole palace and then went to work in BKK as a beauty therapist :shock:

and lastly although my gf has been a diamond and i've had hardly any problems with her in two years,i get the feeling something has changed?she was allways a happy person but in the last four weeks she allways sounds misseriable,
and add to that if she goes to BKK as a poor issan girl by the time she pays out her expenses, what she will be left with will make little difference to her situation?
so either she has a great paying job lined up,or she thinks the grass is greener in BKK,
well not saying i'm cynical or not trusting but before she gets to BKK i will make a few adjustments to the bank account i set up for her,and persue a damage limitation exercise.thanks again for all your comments.
p.s the link is in capital i think?? :shock:

cheers.

by **garyk** » February 5, 2008, 12:49 pm

Wow, this is so strange. Or maybe it is common. I came to Thailand three months ago and meet a school teacher and she was the best woman you could of dreamed of. Now her gf got a rich man who is throwing money around like it grows on trees. I have met him and she keeps him drunk 24 seven. But he seems to have plenty of money. Now that she is talking to her gf. She is very unhappy with me, asking me for gold and a new home. I am not poor by any means but i will not through money away. I have told her to wait for a year then i will marry her and we can start a life togeather. But let me tell you after living here. I have learned that money and status is number 1. You are somewhere down on the list.... I haven't figured out where yet. P.S. She and I are close to the same age. So we get along great.. But now she wants a righ farang. ( Getting along is way down the list when money is concerned.... With her anyway.
Good luck... I am heading home to regroup.... But will be back to try again.....

two years on and still going against the current?

two years on and still going against the current?

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