Unusual Pets - The Westerner ('farang')

Very good article.

Yes, do be careful, not all are house trained, and indeed can often be difficult to train, (older ones tend to be more set in their ways). Note many prefer a liquid diet!

Bravo Lee Now, go the next step and have it translated into Thai and publish,,,,,,

Alternatively

Keeping these exotic creatures – so-called ‘thai’s - has become quite fashionable in recent years. They often make excellent pets; they are generally docile, hardly ever intelligent, never loyal, not easily trained, and if looked after properly will not provide many years of entertainment and occasional pleasure, instead expect heartbreak. However, they need sympathetic care and are usually expensive to maintain. Many have their own money and some even work - these we would recommend as 'best buys'.

Choosing your thai
It is very important to make the right choice - remember 'a thai is not for life – and gone after presents at Christmas'. Any choice will lead to misery in the future, for you. A thai is, in fact, a human being almost, and must always be treated with a modicum of suspicion and is never to be trusted. To keep your thai content you must also be sensitive, tolerant and kind – or at least give the appearance of good manners. Try to consider the different needs of these often misunderstood creatures.
First, decide which sex you prefer. This depends partly on your sex, but in general females make better pets. However, they are very likely to roam, not easy to train and seem to be more likely not to adjust successfully to their new home. However, many find the males more stimulating.
There are several sub-types, which can be classified in different ways. There are the 'young migratory' who come here for a few weeks and then go back to college. The 'old migratory' usually are spotted in outside the rice planting season, when the weather in their home town is uncomfortably hot. Neither of these can be recommended, of course, as they do not stay around very long.
The rest either have a job here, or are living off others. Those with a job tend to be disgustingly low paid - too independent-minded to make very good pets. That leaves teachers - a good solid bet but dreadfully anally retentive. They are usually younger, but do tend to roam more than the elderly ones. Older people on a scrounge are also worth considering, but with not much to do many turn to alcohol. Beware of these.

Appearance
Extremely variable - much more so than normal people. It is hard to be specific, but they tend to be short, fattish, ungraceful, with various skin colors. Hair can be any color - young ones sometimes pink, purple, green, etc. - but normally brown, blonde or sometimes black. Old females often have blue hair; old males none, white or grey. Hair can be straight, straight or straight dyed. They almost all have large button noses and a flat nose-bridge. Many are almost flat to the face - as if quality control went out the window when God designed thais.

Training
thais are not easy to train if they cannot be taught a few words as their understanding of basic concepts is low. Although their own languages is usually tonal, without guttural inflections, none are capable of learning quickly unless it has something to do with slight of hand. When you get your thai, it will usually be poorly house-trained. thais should be taught the basic rules to prevent embarrassment to oneself and one’s friends and family.
If not, they will let you down by picking their noses, taking their shoes off indoors, waing correctly (all the time), always washing their hands before meals, unwilling to share food, inability to use a knife and fork and other gross and barbaric acts.
They are not tall enough to use sit-down toilets, and do not, without training, clean their bottoms with paper, but just wipe themselves with water. Fortunately, most are eager to please and quickly change their ways. Others will prove more recalcitrant, and prove very stubborn indeed to re-training. Best to avoid these types.

Cleaning
Keeping your thai clean is easy. They like showering and wasting water, and since they have many no sweat glands, you may often feel that they are dead. They must be encouraged to shower at least three times a day to make sure that they are alive. Many are covered in hair dye, so frequent washing is especially important. Costumes should also be washed often, since these can very easily become smelly. thais tend to have a good sense of smell. Strange given their typically flat noses.

Feeding
This is one of the biggest problem areas for keepers. thais do have a the natural need to eat rice at least three times a day - in fact some will eat it at all day and invite their friends to eat it to. They require (or think they do) 'chilli' and large pieces of fish. Most have childishly sensitive mouths, and the consumption of spicy food causes them actual pain but they wouldn’t tell you that.. To keep them happy with their food is therefore cheap.
They almost always refuse perfectly normal delicacies such as hamburgers, hotdogs, lasagne, pizza and French fries. However, do not despair. Remember they can be trained, and often can be weaned gradually onto proper food. Build down spiciness gradually, slowly increase the amount of potato, decrease the fish content and in a few months they will be eating properly like the rest of us. They may even become so civilized after a while as to refer to Eastern food as ‘tasteless mush’.

Conclusion
Compared with similar pets, such as monkeys, gibbons or orangutan, thais, although more expensive to look after, provide little entertainment and interest. There is a slight danger of getting too fond of them, but this is unusual. Treat your thai with care, and it will give you years of generally misery and deception.

I know the article is just a bit of light hearted fun, but is it just a little bit "kinky" to refer to your partner as being a pet?

Whatever fetish rocks your boat I suppose.

Galee wrote:I know the article is just a bit of light hearted fun, but is it just a little bit "kinky" to refer to your partner as being a pet?

Whatever fetish rocks your boat I suppose.

My point exactly Galee!

That is why Ichose to provide an alternative to illustrate the point!

I would not call my partner a pet even in jest and to be compared to animals took the biscuit, and no I'm not being sensitive or politically correct.

Brilliant! Light-hearted and from an unusual perspective - Orwell would be amused.

Nice to see some folks still have a sense of humor round these parts!

Keep the cool content coming, and enjoy the New Year festivities all!

~BA