Consolidated Joke Thread

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tamada
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by tamada » November 1, 2021, 12:45 am

Screenshot_20211031-174322~2.png
52.143 x 7 = 365.001


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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by Earnest » November 1, 2021, 1:04 am

I haven't a scooby doo, Alan. Let Tam advise you as he's had the benefit of a Scottish education.
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by rick » November 1, 2021, 1:23 am

The earth takes 365 and a bit ( about a quarter) days to circle round the sun. If the year was only 365 days over a few centuries the seasons would slowly shift until winter would actually happen earlier and earlier until it happened in Autumn. That is why we have leap years, and every 400 years, also miss one leap year. That keeps the seasons at the same time of the year. That's no joke.

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by stattointhailand » November 1, 2021, 1:36 am

If you thimk that bloody insane, try and find a sensible reason to keep daylight saving time .......no b*llsj*t about farmers

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by thewatchman » November 1, 2021, 9:16 am

image_2021-11-01_091308.png
Taken sometime last night someone running round Goodison Park dressed as a trophy to scare all the Evertonians :shock:
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » November 1, 2021, 11:07 am

Earnest wrote:
November 1, 2021, 1:04 am
I haven't a scooby doo, Alan. Let Tam advise you as he's had the benefit of a Scottish education.
So Steve,You're Finally Admitting that YOU are THICK :-k :-k :lol: :lol:

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by Earnest » November 1, 2021, 8:49 pm

No, I'm saying I don't know.
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by thewatchman » November 2, 2021, 9:32 am

250273897_4688663174517387_9116834993793013363_n.jpg
laughing at the occasional visitor and failed taxi drivers

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » November 5, 2021, 10:28 am

An elderly man living alone in Scotland wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Paul, who used to help him, was in prison (strange ways) Manchester . The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Paul,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Paul.
At 4 a.m. the next morning, CID officers and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
TRUE STORY 🤣🤣

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by Earnest » November 6, 2021, 2:23 am

Ha, ha, yes, very good. :lol:

And you say it's true? Maybe it should have been added to Doo Doo's 'really happened' thread.
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by Drunk Monkey » November 6, 2021, 7:40 am

Image
Claret n Blue all way thru .. Up the Iron
L2 Season 19/20 Codheads 0 Scunny 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2qrsItFUug
8 minutes is the point of lift off !!!!!!!

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by joepai » November 6, 2021, 4:42 pm

Umm.jpg
I was born with nothing and still have most of it left

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by Earnest » November 6, 2021, 4:44 pm

Ha, ha, yes, saucy!
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by stattointhailand » November 6, 2021, 5:24 pm

Getting near the advent calendar season, so a quick reminder to avoid buying the Microsoft advent calendar, as every time you open too many windows the whole lot shut for no apparent reason.

Also the Jehovah witness calendar, where every time you open a door there's someone there telling you to f*** off

Just been advised that the Eton Old Boys advent calendar goes on sale this week, you dont have to do anything as daddies friends will open all the doors for you
Last edited by stattointhailand on November 9, 2021, 1:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by Drunk Monkey » November 7, 2021, 9:36 am

easy mistake ..

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Claret n Blue all way thru .. Up the Iron
L2 Season 19/20 Codheads 0 Scunny 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2qrsItFUug
8 minutes is the point of lift off !!!!!!!

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » November 9, 2021, 11:52 am

There was a young man from Brighton
Who thought he’d at last found a tight ‘un.
He said, “Oh my love,
It fits like a glove.”
Said she, “But you’re not in the right ‘un.

Sorry!

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by Earnest » November 10, 2021, 5:24 am

Ho, ho, yes, very good, Alan. :lol: I'd have a hard time bettering that one. :?
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » November 10, 2021, 11:41 am

FDvTlY5WQAEp1Gn.jpg

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » November 10, 2021, 11:43 am

Earnest wrote:
November 10, 2021, 5:24 am
Ho, ho, yes, very good, Alan. :lol: I'd have a hard time bettering that one. :?
Now, Now Earnest.....Don't You know Sarcasm IS the LOWEST Form of WIT ?? [-X [-X

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » November 10, 2021, 1:04 pm

Pheeewwww !!
252243789_7151834794834150_6697245076551209366_n.jpg
:roll: :oops:

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