Consolidated Joke Thread

[747man]

......

[747man]

[747man]

A man walks up to a lass in a night club and says "Hi, the names Bond."

She says "Don't tell me - your first name's James?"

"No," he replies "it's Uni - I'm here to fill your crack."...

[747man]

Attention...Vince Munday.......

[Chuchi]

[747man]

I Think It'll be VERY Quiet on Here Today......

21761522_10203477797461587_6285322605503100698_n.jpg (8.78 KiB) Viewed 3330 times

[747man]

What’s the difference between Covid-19 & Liverpool FC?

Covid-19 is still a threat in Europe

[Barney]

Out is Australia, Could be topical just replace the Facebook with UM or any other forum people log onto.




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[tamada]

Out is Australia, Could be topical just replace the Facebook with UM or any other forum people log onto.




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

That's priceless Barney. Especially with Australian media trying to outdo each other with "Where did this coronavirus come from?" shows.

[AlexO]

Jeez babes the tiny tiny shorts make us soo so clever.

[747man]

I’ve heard a rumour that due to the recent toilet roll shortage, people are using lettuce leaves instead.

This is only the tip of the iceberg!

[Drunk Monkey]

I’ve heard a rumour that due to the recent toilet roll shortage, people are using lettuce leaves instead.

This is only the tip of the iceberg!

QuaLITY of the highest order Alan ,, thankyou

[747man]

I’ve heard a rumour that due to the recent toilet roll shortage, people are using lettuce leaves instead.

This is only the tip of the iceberg!

QuaLITY of the highest order Alan ,, thankyou

Jon, It Just might KEEP you Smiling

[Drunk Monkey]

I’ve heard a rumour that due to the recent toilet roll shortage, people are using lettuce leaves instead.

This is only the tip of the iceberg!

QuaLITY of the highest order Alan ,, thankyou

Jon, It Just might KEEP you Smiling

I love your posts on this thread mate , youve made me laugh out loud many times ..not forgetting when you turned up at Chern Chim many years back in those Lilac shorts and the big Everton badge on the back of your SUV..

Keep the jokes coming Alan

DM

[747man]

I’ve heard a rumour that due to the recent toilet roll shortage, people are using lettuce leaves instead.

This is only the tip of the iceberg!

QuaLITY of the highest order Alan ,, thankyou

Jon, It Just might KEEP you Smiling

I love your posts on this thread mate , youve made me laugh out loud many times ..not forgetting when you turned up at Chern Chim many years back in those Lilac shorts and the big Everton badge on the back of your SUV..

Keep the jokes coming Alan

DM

No I Didn't The Lilac Shorts were Worn at you're other place by The Airport....I Saw how jealous YOU Were,Because You're Legs hadn't seen the Sun since you was in Junior School In Yer SHORT Kecks & Were as White as a Virgins Knickers.... But Yeah,You did see the BIG Everton Badge at CC & It's STILL On the back of the 4x4 to this day,Best 500 Baht I Ever spent.." Once A Blue Always A Blue "

[tinpeeba]

Plane with 5 passengers on board, Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel, the Pope and a ten year old school boy. The plane is about to crash and there are only 4 parachutes.
Trump said I need one. I’m the smartest man in the USA and am needed to sort out the problems of the World!’, takes one and jumps.
Boris said ‘I’m needed to sort out Britain’. He takes one and jumps.
The Pope said ‘I need one as the world needs the Catholic Church.’ He takes one and jumps.
Angela said to the ten year old: "You can have the last parachute. I've lived my life, yours is only just starting."
The 10 year old replied: "Don’t worry, there are 2 parachutes left, the smartest man in the USA took my school bag."

[vidmaster]

I ran out of toilet paper and had to start using old newspapers. Times are rough. I saw my bum in the Mirror but the Sun really does

[vidmaster]

An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit. "How many children?" asks the
council worker "10" replies the Essex girl "10???" says the council worker..
"What are their names?"
"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne"
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have
to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they
all do it..." "What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker.
"That's easy," says the girl... "I just use their surnames."

[vidmaster]

Had to self-isolate, so 'er indoors is now 'er in the garage, while I swan about in the house

[747man]

My girlfriend asked me to pass her a tube of lip balm, but I passed her a tube of super glue by mistake.

She’s not talking to me now.