What to do with a "pilfering" step child?

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Bandung_Dero
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What to do with a "pilfering" step child?

Post by Bandung_Dero » June 11, 2022, 3:40 pm

Just saw this comment in a recent post (Deans' Fire) and thought it worthy of a new thread:-
My thoughts are with Dean and hope he can rebuild quickly.
His step daughter in a fit of anger apparently after she was caught raiding the till
Me, my step daughter went through a stage in her early teens where she went shopping in my wallet. Wasn't much, 100 here, 200 there. I thought long and hard as to what I might do and decided not to approach her about it nor tell Mrs Dero.

I put her on a weekly allowance, ie. the "pocket money" we (most of us?) received as kids. This worked a treat, she asked if she could call me "Pa Pa" and still does 15 years down the track. I still give her an allowance even though she is financially independent now.


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Re: What to do with a "pilfering" step child?

Post by tamada » June 11, 2022, 3:55 pm

Makes sense BD. Mrs tam had/has them all on a daily allowance. Gets a bit of a bonus on birthdays or getting good grades (dad forks out for pizza). During the long school holidays, the oldest lads interned in construction with their uncle

Now that a couple have graduated but STILL squat at home, Mrs tam hits them up for utility bills (and dad still forks out for pizza).
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Re: What to do with a "pilfering" step child?

Post by stattointhailand » June 11, 2022, 3:57 pm

If the "petty pilfering" is just for sweets/toys etc you may get away with that Dero, but when its for drugs/booze/gambling debts/boyfriend debts I'm afraid the odd B100 not gonna make a whole lot of difference

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Re: What to do with a "pilfering" step child?

Post by Bandung_Dero » June 11, 2022, 6:41 pm

Wasn't until I read DM's post did I understand how bad the situation was in the Dean household.
TTF, I took a softly/softly approach during an early age and helped to raise a responsible and mature young lady.
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Re: What to do with a "pilfering" step child?

Post by stattointhailand » June 11, 2022, 6:55 pm

Bandung_Dero wrote:
June 11, 2022, 6:41 pm
Wasn't until I read DM's post did I understand how bad the situation was in the Dean household.
TTF, I took a softly/softly approach during an early age and helped to raise a responsible and mature young lady.
I'm sorta keeping the gentle dad persona as best I can, but must admit there are times when I need to bite very hard on my tongue ..... it does seem to be working so far. One thing I still cant get through to Mrs Statts is that I dont like the grovelling on birthdays/fathers day etc but seem to run into a no listen brick wall Thai culture thing with that, so we just have a very quick kneel wai thank you up you get compromise :-$

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Re: What to do with a "pilfering" step child?

Post by tamada » June 11, 2022, 7:15 pm

I've told the teacher's at the front door drop off at school that my youngest does not need to turn and wai me. He's already pissed on the toilet seat, left the shower running, poked me in the tummy, called me poompui and wasted half my Alpen already for me know he loves his dad too much.
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Re: What to do with a "pilfering" step child?

Post by Whistler » June 11, 2022, 7:26 pm

tamada wrote:
June 11, 2022, 7:15 pm
I've told the teacher's at the front door drop off at school that my youngest does not need to turn and wai me. He's already pissed on the toilet seat, left the shower running, poked me in the tummy, called me poompui and wasted half my Alpen already for me know he loves his dad too much.
Smart kid
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Re: What to do with a "pilfering" step child?

Post by stattointhailand » June 11, 2022, 8:27 pm

tamada wrote:
June 11, 2022, 7:15 pm
I've told the teacher's at the front door drop off at school that my youngest does not need to turn and wai me. He's already pissed on the toilet seat, left the shower running, poked me in the tummy, called me poompui and wasted half my Alpen already for me know he loves his dad too much.
Hard to believe hell be 36 this year tam :-"

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Re: What to do with a "pilfering" step child?

Post by AlexO » June 11, 2022, 9:13 pm

Bandung_Dero wrote:
June 11, 2022, 3:40 pm
Just saw this comment in a recent post (Deans' Fire) and thought it worthy of a new thread:-
My thoughts are with Dean and hope he can rebuild quickly.
His step daughter in a fit of anger apparently after she was caught raiding the till
Me, my step daughter went through a stage in her early teens where she went shopping in my wallet. Wasn't much, 100 here, 200 there. I thought long and hard as to what I might do and decided not to approach her about it nor tell Mrs Dero.

I put her on a weekly allowance, ie. the "pocket money" we (most of us?) received as kids. This worked a treat, she asked if she could call me "Pa Pa" and still does 15 years down the track. I still give her an allowance even though she is financially independent now.
Same happened to us about 4 years ago. Step-Daughters teacher rang the missus from school and asked did we give her 200baht. Being 8 years old at the time no way was she getting that amount to go to school with. Long talk that night and it seems as if it was a bout of jealousy as another kid in her class was flashing quite large sums about, no doubt without the parents knowledge. It seems to have nipped the petty pilfering in the bud.
This brings me onto Deans situation, a drug addled step-daughter who is out of control, robbing from her mum and step-dad who work bloody hard to make a living and then in a fit of anger/rage torches the premises. As Jon (DM) posted there are rising levels of desperation for funds to purchase drugs and alcohol in some cases, and Deans step-daughter is now at the upper levels. Way past the Good Talking to stage and unfortunately if some serious action is not taken, the the 'next time' could be far worse. For the step-daughters sake perhaps a session of 'cold turkey in the monkey house will turn out to be a better solution for the girl. Horrible quandary to be in, but maybe better now before any permanent damage to the girl or Dean and his missus.

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Re: What to do with a "pilfering" step child?

Post by papafarang » June 12, 2022, 10:53 am

to be honest its not just a case of pilfering, when she robs she goes the whole hog ,two ,three thousand baht a time. on top of that she just helps herself to the stock, opens an apple pie takes a bite and then just puts it back, spots potato salad and eats a bit from one and then gets another and does the same. 4 pots of potato salad in 24 hours. top it all off she's a chain smoker 80 a day costing us just short of 2000b a week. customers buy bottles of spirits and put their name on the bottle and she just drinks them all. i keep some small bottles of sangsom . last time i purchased 6 bottles, a customer put his name on it for his coffee and she decided it was hers ,so i replaced the bottle for him . then she took the last 4 bottles. this morning i have to go and buy a bottle of gin and a bottle of hong thong that she stole. everything has to be kept locked up including ourselves for fear that she might set fire to our accommodation while we sleep. no way to live. when i do catch her stealing she just gives me a blank stare, tells me to FO and then just goes back to the sofa.
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Re: What to do with a "pilfering" step child?

Post by glalt » August 30, 2022, 10:50 am

It is apparently past time to get the police involved and give her some time in the monkey house. Your options are very limited at this point.

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Re: What to do with a "pilfering" step child?

Post by FrazeeDK » August 30, 2022, 3:11 pm

gotta hold people accountable for their actions at some point. Trouble is, the GrengJai system just tends to overlook all sorts of social then criminal infractions committed by the Yaa Baa addicts, the Lao Khai alcoholics, the inveterate gambles or sometimes a combo pack of all 3. At what poin does it reachl a Popeye level "that all I can stands, I can't stands no moah...!!"
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Re: What to do with a "pilfering" step child?

Post by maaka » September 1, 2022, 10:47 am

pocket money works for little kids..I basically pay my step son to work for me, but even now he has stopped talking to us
eats in his room, doesnt help, (shovelled 10 truck loads of dirt at 68yrs and he did exercises in the garage, played guitar or had a sleep, while papa was sweating away out the window... doesnt seem to care since he started going to the ex's grandparents on weekends and holidays... I think his mothers sharp tongue wounded him bad while I was out of country, and theynow play this no talking no helping game, waiting to see who will crack first, with me in the middle...
if I was in Deans shoes, and its easy for me to say, I would come down hard on that one..burning the families living down is up there at the top..the repair bill alone is immence..if she on drugs crystal meth then you will have a hard road to even begin to reel her in..sounds like shes bordering on alcoholic..its always a worry to find a knife in your chest in the middle of the night from out of control people, and Siam has alot of that lately..police, or disown her, leave her and move away, and try and help her...none is an easy choice,,the ball is in her court in alot of ways...

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Re: What to do with a "pilfering" step child?

Post by maaka » September 1, 2022, 2:53 pm

I meant...she either wants help to kick the habit, give up drinking and pinching, or worse, or she doesnt..

I grew up without my kids as their mother's ran off with other guys, and kept me out of the picture...all I know is at teen age they begin to start thinking about Dad, ( or Mum ) and even if you have given them the best of best, you get shuffled somewhat to the side..YOUR NOT MY DAD can come into it..

I find in my case the missus will talk about our boy , but is short on action..saving face I think drives this..one cannot shout and tell the boy to f...ing pull your finger out and go help your papa...They also, I have found, when talking about matters to the boy, with mum intrepreting that their is no logic, or even a future plan..

The boy came to mama to ask for money to fly himself, and Uncle, to Bangers and back, to sit a test at the Police School for future Officers..Mama said she not paying for Uncle,,so they went by car..No one told me, or asked me , who was going to pay for the five years living and studying in Bangers, if he succeeded..Moi of course,,but moi doesnt have a spare 500000bt lying around, and if he had come to me first I would have told him, and if he had said there were 3000 people testing for just 100 places, I would have said give up, as he is not the brightest star in the sky..he missed by a mile..Missed the football college too, missed being chosen as school head...all off his own bat, but methinks grandparents of his deceased father are driving things, and poisioning him against us...anyhoo, kids are easy, teenager a right handful, and saving face adults are like trying to read a horse..

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Re: What to do with a "pilfering" step child?

Post by noosard » September 1, 2022, 3:01 pm

Horses are easy to read
kids not so much

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Re: What to do with a "pilfering" step child?

Post by maaka » September 1, 2022, 3:45 pm

having had horses they are pretty easy to read when you know what your looking for

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Re: What to do with a "pilfering" step child?

Post by Khun Paul » September 1, 2022, 5:27 pm

I would nopt even begin to try to advise anyone who had a recalcitrant teenager let alone a STEP child mis-behaving .
Officially when working had to deal with many a domestic which resulted from this situation , used members of the family from afar to assist.
Here though it si different story what with face-saving , family getting involved, my best advice is to sit back and do nothing just watch and support if possible the other half of YOUR relationship .

In some situations aka Deans for instance the family home is also a place of work which adds another problem.


All the best to those who strive I have a good ear for listening .
I will recount one minor problem I dealt with officially, it concerned a teenager ( male loud mouthed one brain cell type ) and his mother. What the boy was unaware was that her Brother big chap ex-squaddie had just turned up, I was asked to leave which I did and the Uncle educated the boy , following a period in hospital he returned home a nicer bloke you could hope to meet. Education was done and no offences committed, no complaints and no more Police input. The end justified the means, the old Ways and Means Act.

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Re: What to do with a "pilfering" step child?

Post by jackspratt » September 1, 2022, 5:36 pm

Khun Paul wrote:
September 1, 2022, 5:27 pm
... I was asked to leave which I did and the Uncle educated the boy , following a period in hospital he returned home ....
GBH .... always the answer. ;)

And a dash of accessory before the fact by the local plod. 👍

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Re: What to do with a "pilfering" step child?

Post by Khun Paul » September 2, 2022, 7:25 am

jackspratt wrote:
September 1, 2022, 5:36 pm
Khun Paul wrote:
September 1, 2022, 5:27 pm
... I was asked to leave which I did and the Uncle educated the boy , following a period in hospital he returned home ....
GBH .... always the answer. ;)

And a dash of accessory before the fact by the local plod. 👍
Maybe buit had you seen the mother and the house you would have done the same.
No-one complained and the Mother denied that I was even there before the event. Sometimes justice not only needs to be done and seen to have the correct effect . Not that I condoned the situation but when asked to leave with ZERO evidence of any crime I had to go .

Like the old days when a Police officer clipped you around your ear, and your parents also smacked you for not only getting caught but also for showing up the family. These days parents care little and attack the Police for seeing their PRECIOUS doing something wrong and then catching them ....
bring back the Hue and Cry and instant justice , worked for centuries
Laws may be written in Black and white but we all know the VAST amount of GREY Areas that are also there !!

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Re: What to do with a "pilfering" step child?

Post by jackspratt » September 2, 2022, 11:36 am

Your "anecdote" has more holes than a Swiss cheese. 🧀

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