Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Long distance relationships, mixed relationships etc...
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jimjay
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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by jimjay » January 30, 2017, 6:23 pm

And a note about the age thing, normally the youngest female is saddled with a lot of family duties, like taking care of parents, as the older children have the benefit of having moved on with established lives and families of their own.

It's not a rule written anywhere that I know of. But it is quite common. So if you are dealing with a previously unwed woman, who has also never had a child, and is the youngest, expect to give her a bit of leeway and personal support in terms of being responsible for her Mom & Dad and especially any grandparents about. Often it's not just about money, but taking them out to doctor's appointments, weddings, funerals. Just like back home.

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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by mickojak » January 30, 2017, 7:57 pm

jimjay wrote:Any bets on how much more back & forth this will go? I'm betting at least a few more days.
I'll bet a few days if you keep adding to it! He He. 8-[ 8-[ 8-[
Mick

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jimjay
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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by jimjay » January 30, 2017, 9:32 pm

mickojak wrote:
jimjay wrote:Any bets on how much more back & forth this will go? I'm betting at least a few more days.
I'll bet a few days if you keep adding to it! He He. 8-[ 8-[ 8-[
Mick
Well said Mickojack -riddle is now solved on my end. :D

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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by tammakhun » January 31, 2017, 12:47 pm

StupidFarang wrote:Well, gave me an easier way out though, and a lesson learned. I'll be fine eventually only a bit disappointed and heartbroken :(
If you spend enough time in the same place, and actually are a likeably guy you'll meet and feel in love with many beautiful women. This country is awesome because here women chase men. The clubs in Udon are loaded with women who work real jobs: bank, hotel, nurses etc. If you're just there at random have limited chance - you'll end up with one who is bar style (girls with regular jobs who on an almost nightly basis, go out after working finding someone to finance their night out *this can be fun too though*). But if you go to the same places, make friends, etc. and aren't all being clung on to by bar chicks it is not really hard to meet regular women who are on their occasional night out.

Really however approach it I think taking it slow is most often best. Like just be friends, see next trip etc. Because falling in love with someone you've known for days or weeks is likely a recipe for heartbreak anywhere not just Thailand and not just bars. If on the other hand you frequent the same places often and have many friends there you can ask others about what girl you're interested in and have time to see them while out with your friends. You might find you like having friends and casual girlfriends much better and not be so interested in falling in love. But if you do fall in love, doing this way is much more natural.

About girls with regular jobs out at clubs. It is really not that much different. Women want guys with money. The difference is the lack of urgency. They have jobs. Many have a car and house already, but at minimum an apartment and motorbike. They don't need to find first guy who supports them. They are more selective and also you can go much slower. These girls aren't looking for a guy to send money so they can all live on a farm. With them it's go spend that same 20,000 on a holiday together having fun. Much different. A little more work. But far safer IMO

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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by StupidFarang » February 1, 2017, 1:00 am

Thanks Boo! Slow is the key...I'll see how it goes. :)

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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by miamaimee » February 1, 2017, 12:55 pm

OP, to add to my initial comment, I don't think you should stay involved with this girl for two reasons.

First, the "magic" you felt at the outset isn't worth a whole lot. That is very easy to experience here -- Thais are naturally warm and personable, whether you're going to a bar where they have some economic incentive to do it or dealing with ordinary girls you will get that many times over. I think it has less to do with the girl and more to do with a sort of positive culture shock you and many others experience when they're new to Thailand.

You will feel that again with another girl, probably many.

Second, it's just crazy for a girl to ask a guy for 40k shortly after they've met. Totally crazy. This is lottery-style (buying a hundred tickets in the hope that one will make her rich) or just plain exploitative (milk the target until he's dry) behavior. Those are the only circumstances under which a girl you just met asks you for 40k while you're overseas, bar girl or not.

It is just way too out of line with how things actually work here, and how much money that is. Of course you get guys who fall for this but that's exactly what they are, marks.

No way a healthy relationship is going to develop out of that IMO, regardless of her motives, precisely how that ask arose etc. the relationship with this girl is permanently soured.

So forget her, there will be another.

By the way, this is just hearsay but I know a couple guys who live on Samui and they say that because Samui is so tourist heavy, the working girls there are some of the nastiest... they are some of the best in the country at scalping a newbie.

The regular girls who come down from BKK or elsewhere that just want to party for a weekend on the other hand can be a lot of fun for a fling.

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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by StupidFarang » February 2, 2017, 3:20 am

miamaimee wrote: Second, it's just crazy for a girl to ask a guy for 40k shortly after they've met. Totally crazy. This is lottery-style (buying a hundred tickets in the hope that one will make her rich) or just plain exploitative (milk the target until he's dry) behavior. Those are the only circumstances under which a girl you just met asks you for 40k while you're overseas, bar girl or not.
I know. I totally agree. I suspect her parents made a go at me on this. I am not defending her, but if I had to add up all the times she has said sorry for this, i'd need a calulator! I dunno...

I'm not gonna go on and on on this, but for those who are still interested in what's happened lately, i can tell you this:

I have tried to find something that made it easier for me to get out of this, without being the bad guy. I know I can just tell her to b***** off, but I cannot seem to find a single thing to fault her, besides from the initial money thing.

- She is still at home with her parents and kid. I know 100%, no doubt. Asking again and agin when I will be back. Even put a picture of us as her facebook profile picture! (I certainly did not ask her to do this, I just happen to see it one day) I know there are other ways to communicate, but this is a public profile picture, so other potential sponsors would see this straight away.
-As I said before, bad English skills. I mean really bad! We are down to single word conversations here, and even then she has difficulties. I understand now she is using google translate a lot on her phone when messaging me.
-No tattoos, hate smoking. I smoked in Thailand, but I dont smoke at home. Constanty nagging me about that i must not smoke. She hated when I smoked.
-Wants me to learn Thai. Every day I must learn words and phrases, and I must repeat. Gets a little upset when I dont remember them :)
-I ordered the book some of you adviced for me, Thailand Fever. But I also found it as a torrent, so I downloaded it, because I payed for it anyway, so not feeling guilty about that. I tell her about the book, and she asks if she can look at it. I send her as an pdf file, and she actually reads it!! I mean..who bothers reading hundred and some pages if not really needed...?
-Always videos me when she goes to bed. Does not disappear at evenings, leaving her phone off. Same thing in the morning.

I have many more examples in which she really surprises me, but I am not giving them all away here.

I cant make anything out of this. I keep reading read horror story upon horror story on bar girls...they are just evil people and only out to scam you...but the truth of the matter is that I have no less than 5 friends of friends that have married a bar girl...and they are all doing fine. Longest marriage is 10 years now, and still they are happy! :shock:

I know money attracts women...but no less so here in Europe, I am sure you know this as well as me. So I dunno...

If this is an act, i will wholeheartedly recommend her for a job in Hollywood, because she would clean house at the Oscars! If this is a scam, it's a long term one, thats for sure :lol:

I'll see how this turns out, but I am extremely cautious, and dont plan on leaving all my earthly belongings to this girl anytime soon :)

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Khun Paul
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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by Khun Paul » February 2, 2017, 5:45 am

Your honesty does you proud, whatever you decide top do about this situation, at least you are fully aware now of the pitfalls and no-one can say I told you so.
GHood luck and smooth sailing in these stormy seas.

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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by Artfullmover » February 2, 2017, 5:55 am

Interesting tread so I thought id throw in my 50 satangs worth

Some solid sound advice and sharing of experiences that can help people understand life in Thailand.

I would not be that concerned about the initial 40k request - She doesnt know you and probally is testing the waters. Like we see thai girls I see they see us the same - easy come easy go.

What I take out of this she is attempting to catch herself a "falang. Some see this as a personal challenge and pride thing. The question is that once she has you will she stop there.

Seems to me she is keeping you busy and filling in some of your time and giving you some level of relationship/friendship - What''s that worth to you?. At the very least you are learning a lot about Thailand and one side of its culture".

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maaka
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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by maaka » February 2, 2017, 6:11 am

maybe she just wants to be at home with her child, and not no bar life...
some girls are forced into bar life to provide for thier family, doesnt mean they like it..
shes real young. maybe shes smart too in knowing the bar life has a stigmar attached, even with other Thais...oh no shes a bar girl, sort of thing..my missus is always trying to put me off from wandering, by telling me bar girls have HIV and aids etc etc..so they dont get looked on by there own people to well...

I am one of the most causious dudes in the world. Hell I known my love for 7yrs and I still am trying to find boogie men in her wardrode, or waiting for her to slip up, but there nothing for her to slip up with..generally its because I got burnt when I first came her to Thailand, and then what with all these old codgers rattling on here about bar girls, scams and trolls, had me spooked that everyone was out to push me off a highrise in Patters...( wont go near a balcony now especailly with someone standing behind me...hahaha)

look Matey, just roll with your girl..maybe shes the one, maybe not.

I am a tight arse as well, but realize that women are always burning up money on some 1770 furniture, once used by Ab Lincoln or someone, so Thai girls are no different..hell she is probably dirt poor.. however, my missus never asked me for one dollar, but she is good at steering my wallet in certain directions at times, but what the hell, I have everything a man could poke a stick at...theres a $30,000 Rocket 3 motorbike sitting now in my lounge, and I have never so much as started the motor, so whats afew dollars to keep her ( and me ) happy...just dont go overboard..

90% of thai/ farang relationships fail in my opinion...there is also more to it than just the relationship...theres family, money, kids, house, land, visas, work, car, boredom, language, culture, politics ...get her talking your language or you will be banging heads with her for alongtime.....my missus speaks the lingo, but there are still many times where I am floundering because of the cultural difference, their way of thinking, our lack of knowledge, lack of language and understanding.....

steady as she goes, is a good one...dont commit more than you can walk away from, is another...

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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by StupidFarang » February 2, 2017, 7:52 am

Khun Paul wrote:Your honesty does you proud, whatever you decide top do about this situation, at least you are fully aware now of the pitfalls and no-one can say I told you so.
GHood luck and smooth sailing in these stormy seas.
Thank you Paul for your kind words. I promise I wont come complaining :)
Artfullmover wrote: What I take out of this she is attempting to catch herself a "falang. Some see this as a personal challenge and pride thing. The question is that once she has you will she stop there.
Yeah...i have no clue. Im completely lost...I guess I will just see where this takes me. Im not putting anything more in it than I can risk. Atleast im trying to... :?

Thanks guys!
Last edited by StupidFarang on February 2, 2017, 10:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

DuiDui49
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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by DuiDui49 » February 2, 2017, 10:06 am

God morning SF !

I hope you can take a joke,okey ;) When i read THIS i don't know why the heck i thought about YOU and your long distant relationship..it's NOT for sale yet but here you can read moore about this gadget.

http://tech.thaivisa.com/this-gadget-wa ... paign=news

Have a good day SF.. ;) :D
Best regards
//DuiDui

“May we ever choose the harder right, instead of the easier wrong.” — Thomas Monson

"To grow and mature demands time and willingness to learn from your own misstakes"

StupidFarang
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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by StupidFarang » February 2, 2017, 10:28 am

DuiDui49 wrote:God morning SF !

I hope you can take a joke,okey ;) When i read THIS i don't know why the heck i thought about YOU and your long distant relationship..it's NOT for sale yet but here you can read moore about this gadget.

http://tech.thaivisa.com/this-gadget-wa ... paign=news

Have a good day SF.. ;) :D
Hahahaha I will consider it!! :lol: May be perfect for us!

Tartempion
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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by Tartempion » February 3, 2017, 11:31 am

Well yes, she is really serious and sincere.

First: the bad news:
greedy parents, a child, far away relationship does NOT work.
Who is keeping who on the line?
For 40K baht?
Not me sir, 10k would be enough to keep the meter running.

Who am I?
Visited Thailand 20x between 1990 and 2001.
Fell in love at least 40X, but was not willing to run a far away relationship.
Retired and moved to Thailand January 2002.
Invited a childless woman to live with me I met late 2001.
Took me 5 years to build a house far from the madding crowd, as was in my dreams.
16 years later I loathe her family, greedy bunch of people, did not meet the family the first 4 years.
Paid the family 500K over the years to keep some alive or out of prison.
Someone is paying me back slowly, will take an other 2 years to get 250K back, if ever.
I will not pay any more to the bloody family, except the stupid mother I give her 1k monthly to survive.

Am I happy?
Yes, fairly, but could do without the continuous family problems: drug addicts, casino addicts, in debt with loan sharks...

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Re: Bar girl advice for stupid farang...

Post by zothman » February 3, 2017, 4:04 pm

[-X

Dont put your hands in Thai mud ... you will regret and cry all your life .. my own experience

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