Female Advice: New Thai Girlfriend/Money

Long distance relationships, mixed relationships etc...
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CanadianGuy64
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Female Advice: New Thai Girlfriend/Money

Post by CanadianGuy64 » March 31, 2012, 6:29 am

Hi. I could really use some advice.
I met a girl on vacation in Thailand in January.
She lives in Phuket. I met her on a dating website before I visited. We spent the week together in Phuket.
She is from a village in the north of Thailand originally. She has been in Phuket for 6 or 7 years.
She is not a bar girl. She went to school to learn about working in the restaurant and hotel industry. She used to work 7 days a week, but now less because she only was able to get two weeks off a year with her old job, and needs to visit her mother more often than that.
She gave me a book to read "Thailand Fever" after I left.
It explained the Thai culture and expectations with respect to a dowry (her family is very poor), taking care of your girlfriend...
I am 47 years old and she is 31. I don't think the age difference is too much.
My problem is probably typical of any Western guy. Of course I think that she is beautiful and am happy to have met her, but I do want to find a girl who loves me, and is not just looking for money and security. She has me genuinely convinced that she loves me, but is putting pressure to move things along. She hinted some money coming her way when we first met could really help her to live more comfortably (she has very little: I saw her tiny apartment) , but I refused. I told her that I am not making enough money now to send her some (will not go into debt to help her), and am looking for a woman who really loves me. I do anticipate a good raise in the near future and let her know maybe I could help later when I could afford it.She kept talking with me daily on the telephone and on skype. She had to go home again to see her mother recently who has cancer (she sends money home to her mother). Last night, she was crying on skype. It seems she is very stressed out about her situation. Her apartment is very small and minimal. She has a lot of stress financially with her mothers sickness, and she doesn't want to be alone anymore. She suggested that I am the one she loves, but doesn't know how long she can live the way she is. Of course I know she wants to find security and someone who loves her.
She has also had to go to see a doctor for female problems lately, and I had the impression she is feeling more stressed as she has to pay for that too. I relented and offered to pay her personal medical bills. I asked how much and it was 20000 baht for 3 visits/treatments (without getting into specifics a quick procedure/injections and maybe a prescription was necessary). I let her know that I'd have to use my line of credit to give her the money, and I didn't intend on using it again to help her. I plan on paying my debt and will only consider helping her in the future if I have the money already.Since I've met her, it's been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. I've read horror stories about men meeting girls in Phuket, and being taken for a ride (losing a lot of money). I believe her when she says that she hasn't worked as a prostitute and I believe her mother is sick. I want to trust her, but I've only known her 3 months and need to know her better before committing to the relationship. I am planning on visiting again at the end of next month, and will see how that goes before committing completely. She has a profile on a dating website. She still has her profile posted. I've asked her to remove it. She says she will let me remove it when I am in Phuket again. She seems to be hedging her bets with me. Either she is looking for the most secure ride out or she doesn't really believe I love her unless I am willing to support her somewhat financially (this is what was suggested in "Thailand Fever": a difficult concept for a Western man to accept).
I sent the money this time to show I do love her, but hope to find that another request for money doesn't come soon and need to know the love she says she feels for me is genuine.
I would appreciate some advice from a Thai woman please (especially one who grew up in a similar situation). I know many men will read this and label me a sucker. Perhaps I am , but she has convinced me that she does really love me. I need to understand her point of view from a Thai woman who understands the culture my girlfriend grew up in. If she can be trusted and her actions are normal in your culture, I'd like to know. If something doesn't seem right, and you don't think I should trust her, I'd like to know that as well. When I visit in April, I plan on giving her a necklace and taking care of her while I am in Thailand because I do know she doesnt have much and I want her to be happy, but I don't plan on sending any more money until I am sure of her love and intentions. She seems to want to know which way this is going rather quickly. I told her we need time to get to know each other better, but if things were going well we could start planning a future together by the summer.
Adviced please Thai women from Udon and area!
Thank you.

tonytuy2005
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Female Advice: New Thai Girlfriend/Money

Post by tonytuy2005 » March 31, 2012, 9:49 am

Forget her !!!!!! They are all the same !!!! Actress !!!!! I live here long time and i have a million of story like your !!!! It's a big game !!! Take care yourself and stay away from girl like this !!!! Believe me !!!!!

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Adhoc
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Female Advice: New Thai Girlfriend/Money

Post by Adhoc » March 31, 2012, 10:02 am

This is an easy one - she's lying. No medical problems, no sick mother, heard it all many times before. If you like this girl, just arrange to meet her when you come here, have your fun, pay her for her services, leave. But whatever you do, do not believe one word of any story like this.

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Bertie_Wooster
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Female Advice: New Thai Girlfriend/Money

Post by Bertie_Wooster » March 31, 2012, 10:05 am

Of course I think that she is beautiful and am happy to have met her, but I do want to find a girl who loves me, and is not just looking for money and security.

20000 baht for 3 visits/treatments

She has a profile on a dating website. She still has her profile posted. I've asked her to remove it. She says she will let me remove it when I am in Phuket again.

I know many men will read this and label me a sucker. Perhaps I am , but she has convinced me that she does really love me.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
If you are looking for love, then please find a babe who is able to take care of herself. If the relationship is predicated on your taking care of her, that is not a relationship. That is a rental and in the future if money problems do appear why would she stay?

20k for 3 hospital visits sounds like quite a bit unless she went to the international hospital and mentioned that she had a foreign boyfriend to cover the charges. 20k in hospital fees goes along way. I could be wrong, but I don't think so.

Refusing to take down her profile just told you that whatever weight that you thought you had in the relationship is not there.

Convinced that she loves you: She won't take down her profile... Does that sound right?

Sorry to sound negative, but there have been too many guys with good intentions being taken for a ride by some of these women. If you are a decent guy then there are plenty of nice women out there who have a job, are able to take care of themselves and are looking for love.
Bertie_Wooster

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Prenders88
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Female Advice: New Thai Girlfriend/Money

Post by Prenders88 » March 31, 2012, 10:07 am

tonytuy2005 wrote:Forget her !!!!!! They are all the same !!!! Actress !!!!! I live here long time and i have a million of story like your !!!! It's a big game !!! Take care yourself and stay away from girl like this !!!! Believe me !!!!!

What he said :D
Udon Thani, best seen through your car's rear view mirror.

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maaka
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Female Advice: New Thai Girlfriend/Money

Post by maaka » March 31, 2012, 10:25 am

send me a PM with her photo, or her name, and I will tell you if I have come across her in the last five years of internet dating..I just about no them all..indeed, check to see how long she has been on the website, then ask yourself, would a sexy looking woman like that, be still online after 1, 2, 3, 4 yrs...

generally a good thai girl wont ask you for money. this lady is making all the right moves a scammer would make ie..rush to get things going, sick mama story, wants money to pay for health issues, stay on internet until later...

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trubrit
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Female Advice: New Thai Girlfriend/Money

Post by trubrit » March 31, 2012, 10:28 am

I think I have heard this story before . Many times in fact.You wanted a woman's view so I read your post to my wife. She hasn't stopped laughing . :lol:
Ageing is a privilige denied to many .

Philrjones
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Female Advice: New Thai Girlfriend/Money

Post by Philrjones » March 31, 2012, 10:34 am

Hi,

I have to agree with the previous posters. Girls like this are very keen to find a green horn who doesn't really know what it going on. Honestly, I've seen it many time. I don't mean to sound offensive either - it happened to me and I was suckered into giving 30,000 baht for a sick mother etc.

Not all the girls on dating sites are dishonest let me say. But let me also say this: It is VERY easy for a girl here with a profile on a dating site to have interest from a bloke in the UK, one in the States, one in Australia, one from Germany - get the picture. I remember a Thai girl her showing how many blokes had contacted her - I remember she was up to 28. Now the girls aren't stupid. They can easily arrange for each farang to come here at different times of the year. Plus each of them to send her money to help mother, the farm, papa, shopping and living (a sick parent is the classic most widely used one). If she has 5 blokes and they send her just 5000 baht per month - work it out.

My Thai wife from Udon says 20,000 baht is a lot for 3 doctor visits. (We've been using Paolo hospital recently for a new baby). She also says - a girl from up here somewhere going to Phuket and not working bar?? Pull the other one.

All I can say is this - if a relationship starts and she quickly asks for money to help a family member, help her live a bit better - what ever the reason, then run a mile. They get 10 out of 10 for being able to cry on the phone, plead innocence etc. I've seen blokes here spend a fortune on their cheating partner. What they don't know is that as soon as you go back to your home country, she's lined up the next one. No word of a lie - I've seen a bloke here give gold to a girl who I knew, then later the same day I saw her at the gold shop with her Thai boyfriend selling it.

Call me cynical if you like, but that is reality here. You need to come here and find a nice girl, and you won't do that by going to the bars. One that has a proper job, can mostly support herself etc. That way, if things go well, you know she doesn't NEED you for money, but she WANTS you. There's a big difference.

Anyway, you've already told here when you're coming, so she's prepared. You need to come unannounced - that;s if you're still interested in her. Go with the gut feeling - if something doesn't feel quite right, you can be damn sure it isn't.

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papaguido
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Female Advice: New Thai Girlfriend/Money

Post by papaguido » March 31, 2012, 10:37 am

CanadianGuy64 wrote: She has also had to go to see a doctor for female problems lately, and I had the impression she is feeling more stressed as she has to pay for that too. I relented and offered to pay her personal medical bills. I asked how much and it was 20000 baht for 3 visits/treatments (without getting into specifics a quick procedure/injections and maybe a prescription was necessary).
10,000bt a visit? Most Thais have low cost government health insurance, I believe it's the 30bt scheme, which as far as I know hasn't changed.
She has a profile on a dating website. She still has her profile posted. I've asked her to remove it. She says she will let me remove it when I am in Phuket again.
There are some women who have learned to exploit the internet dating sites and turn them into a business. They're nothing more than scams, stringing along any number of guys to support them financially.

Stop supporting her and see how quickly she loses interest in you.

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arjay
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Female Advice: New Thai Girlfriend/Money

Post by arjay » March 31, 2012, 10:45 am

Last night, she was crying on skype. It seems she is very stressed out about her situation. Her apartment is very small and minimal. She has a lot of stress financially with her mothers sickness, and she doesn't want to be alone anymore. She suggested that I am the one she loves, but doesn't know how long she can live the way she is. Of course I know she wants to find security and someone who loves her.
You're getting that from her when you only just know her. Consider how much the ante will be upped if you were to get into a relationship with her.
She has also had to go to see a doctor for female problems lately, and I had the impression she is feeling more stressed as she has to pay for that too. I relented and offered to pay her personal medical bills. I asked how much and it was 20000 baht for 3 visits/treatments (without getting into specifics a quick procedure/injections and maybe a prescription was necessary).
Yep, as said already, way over the top on price and beyond the reach of most Thais. Sounds more like cosmetic surgery prices.

What job does she say she has? How much would she earn doing it? Where and how did you meet her. Some clues for you there.
Maaka wrote:generally a good thai girl wont ask you for money. this lady is making all the right moves a scammer would make ie..rush to get things going, sick mama story, wants money to pay for health issues, stay on internet until later...
Spot on.

You are definitely being milked, probably along with several others at the same time. Her MO gives it away. As said a genuine Thai girl wouldn't directly ask you for money.

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harmonyudon
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Female Advice: New Thai Girlfriend/Money

Post by harmonyudon » March 31, 2012, 10:46 am


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trubrit
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Female Advice: New Thai Girlfriend/Money

Post by trubrit » March 31, 2012, 10:52 am

trubrit wrote:I think I have heard this story before . Many times in fact.You wanted a woman's view so I read your post to my wife. She hasn't stopped laughing . :lol:
As a postscript to that. My wife doesn't believe you can be for real but if by chance you are , she want's to meet you . :lol:
I am tempted to let her as well . :-" :lol:
Ageing is a privilige denied to many .

jai yen yen
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Female Advice: New Thai Girlfriend/Money

Post by jai yen yen » March 31, 2012, 10:57 am

Walk away, turn off your phone, change your email, and go somewhere else for your next holiday. Look up Stickman.com and read the stories from guys like you who learned the hard way like I did as well. P.S. I have met a great lady as have many on this site but you have to be careful.

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harmonyudon
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Female Advice: New Thai Girlfriend/Money

Post by harmonyudon » March 31, 2012, 11:05 am

trubrit wrote:
trubrit wrote:.... My wife doesn't believe you can be for real but if by chance you are , she want's to meet you . :lol: I am tempted to let her as well . :-" :lol:
@truebrit,
You did accuse barowners of pimping....got you now...hahahaha :-" :-"

@canadianguy,
Come with 20.000bht to Udon and 20 different girls/women will love you (20days) vellllyy vellllyy vellllyy much.... \:D/ \:D/

CanadianGuy64
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Female Advice: New Thai Girlfriend/Money

Post by CanadianGuy64 » March 31, 2012, 11:10 am

Thanks all for the advice.
Of course, not anything very encouraging.
Maaka: I'd like to send you a pic to see if you recognise her, but unable as of yet as I am a new member.
Bertie: Thanks for the intelligent and nonjudgemental advice. After reading your message I decided to send her a message. I'm sure the answer will tell me all I need to know.
1. Are you going to delete your profile on the dating website? If you love me, you don't need it anymore. It's easy. Step 1,2... (she claimed she wasn't able to delete it from her computer: weak, I know).
2. If I told you I wasn't going to give you any more money until it was time to buy a fiance visa, would you still be my girlfriend?
Waiting to hear back. The silence may already be my answer.
Trubrit: Happy I could entertain you and your wife. I may look foolish, but I've never encountered deception like this in my days. Hard to believe someone would stoop so low.
Phil: Thanks for the honesty and the lack of judgement on your part.

Thanks all. I'll still give her a chance to prove herself, but I can see which way this is heading.
Honese opinions from all is appreciated, really.
Cheers.

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