How do you deal with comparisons

Long distance relationships, mixed relationships etc...
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easterneye
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Re: How do you deal with comparisons

Post by easterneye » April 29, 2010, 12:04 pm

The question in the post is how do others deal with this problem so I will address that quite simply .

After my now wife and I decided to marry and as it was gonna be in the UK I took her into one of the gold shops in Udon and gave her the go ahead ( within reason ) to choose both rings ,, and I was amazed how reasonable , sensible she was . However,,,,, on a recent visit she did suggest chopping in some other gold bracelets , necklasses , I have bought her for some stupid priced badges of honour ,,,,,, I simply reminded her about what she had , earned , etc before she met me , and to look at what she has now , in other words do like I do live my life enjoying what I have ,, not worrying about what I might have.
To be honest I drive an old car and will keep it for another 5 years at least , whereapon I shall buy another old one ,, I wear a basic band of 9 carrot gold ring and a small brass ring ,, buy a lot of my clothes from charity shops ( for the one reason this helps other less fortunate people ) 100% own my home have NO debt and some good savings . IMO this is the key to a happier stress free life ,, not to be saddled with pointless debt to keep up with the Jones,s and the missus bless her has now stepped back , taken stock ,and realises how well off she is without this materialistic crap



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nkstan
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Re: How do you deal with comparisons

Post by nkstan » April 29, 2010, 3:13 pm

easterneye wrote:The question in the post is how do others deal with this problem so I will address that quite simply .

After my now wife and I decided to marry and as it was gonna be in the UK I took her into one of the gold shops in Udon and gave her the go ahead ( within reason ) to choose both rings ,, and I was amazed how reasonable , sensible she was . However,,,,, on a recent visit she did suggest chopping in some other gold bracelets , necklasses , I have bought her for some stupid priced badges of honour ,,,,,, I simply reminded her about what she had , earned , etc before she met me , and to look at what she has now , in other words do like I do live my life enjoying what I have ,, not worrying about what I might have.
To be honest I drive an old car and will keep it for another 5 years at least , whereapon I shall buy another old one ,, I wear a basic band of 9 carrot gold ring and a small brass ring ,, buy a lot of my clothes from charity shops ( for the one reason this helps other less fortunate people ) 100% own my home have NO debt and some good savings . IMO this is the key to a happier stress free life ,, not to be saddled with pointless debt to keep up with the Jones,s and the missus bless her has now stepped back , taken stock ,and realises how well off she is without this materialistic crap
Well I no longer own my own home,nor do I shop at charity store,although I commend the idea,the fact is I don't really shop for clothes at all and some of mine might look like charity store rejects.I am debt free have savings and a couple of pensions which i didn't get by wasting money to keep up with the Jones.I am ''relatively'' stress free,at least financially because of my prudent money management.
I don't think that,generally speaking,Thais have empathy for others outside their birth family nor are they well versed in money management,at least not those from the lower echeleons of the economic and formal education ladder!

Sometimes,I think there actions are those of children showing off to impress and I do admit that it angers me when the subject of comparison comes up after many conversations and past explanations.Why we don't buy a house,why we don't buy a new car,etc.etc.I usually reinterate all the reasons an explain that although we can afford those things,I think about the families future as my pensions will end when I die,so savings and investments will be the only means of maintaining the elevated lifestyle,giving the choices in life!

If I am really upset ,I will assure her that if showing off is the sole purpose of our relationship,she is welcome to trade up if she wants!

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Texpat
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Re: How do you deal with comparisons

Post by Texpat » April 29, 2010, 3:47 pm

Less is more.

I keep my Bentley and LearJet in a humidity-controlled warehouse in Phon Pisai -- along with my Montecristos and Krystal collections.

Aside from that (and a few properties in Monte Carlo, Miami and the Hollywood hills) I have nothing.

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old-timer
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Re: How do you deal with comparisons

Post by old-timer » April 29, 2010, 4:02 pm

nkstan wrote:.
Sometimes,I think there actions are those of children showing off to impress and I do admit that it angers me when the subject of comparison comes up after many conversations and past explanations.Why we don't buy a house,why we don't buy a new car,etc.etc.
OT has bought properties, cars, motorbikes, diamond earings for the mrs, had the home we live in built up to my standards, we go on holiday a couple of times a year, sometimes to the UK and sometimes in Thailand, The kids have the latest Playsation and mobile phones and laptops and go to decent schools and we all have BUPA healthcare and wear decent clothes and shoes. None of these things in my opinion should be compared to what someone else has or does. They are just normal things that families buy and do. How a Thai person outside the family looks upon it is up to them - it really is nothing much or unusual for families to have these things.

OT.......... \:D/

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Texpat
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Re: How do you deal with comparisons

Post by Texpat » April 29, 2010, 6:14 pm

Wow, OT. Do you really have decent shoes?
Impressive! Do you buy those smartly-packaged premium shoelaces, too?
I'll bet you go all in for the top-shelf breakfast cereals at Tesco, huh?
(you forgot to tell us about flying business class) (that's the sure mark of a made-man) :roll:

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Re: How do you deal with comparisons

Post by old-timer » April 29, 2010, 7:08 pm

Texpat wrote:Wow, OT. Do you really have decent shoes?
(you forgot to tell us about flying business class) (that's the sure mark of a made-man)
Parick Cox shoes, Rockport boots, Nike trainers (3), scholl flip flops and a couple of pairs of those blue flip flops out of the big C for around 25 baht a pair amongst others.
As for travel, business class more times than I can remember and first class on Air France,Qantas, Eva, Emirates and Thai Airways a few times as well.
Texpat - very glad to see you have an overwhelming desire to know about OT's shoes and air travel.

OT........made right up.. \:D/

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Texpat
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Re: How do you deal with comparisons

Post by Texpat » April 29, 2010, 7:18 pm

Three nike trainers?
Whoa! Man, you're living!

What's on the wrist, OT? Lemme guess -- Tag Heuer, Movado or Cartier?
No way -- you're a Rolex man, I can tell.

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trubrit
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Re: How do you deal with comparisons

Post by trubrit » April 29, 2010, 7:25 pm

Texpat wrote:Three nike trainers?
Whoa! Man, you're living!

What's on the wrist, OT? Lemme guess -- Tag Heuer, Movado or Cartier?
No way -- you're a Rolex man, I can tell.
I would guess with O/T it depends what day of the week it is .

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Re: How do you deal with comparisons

Post by rick » April 29, 2010, 8:32 pm

Myself and OT are poles apart. never even heard about most of those brand names. I guess he is able to live the 'if you got it , flaunt it' lifestyle. I am happy with my 9 year old car and live on the 'if you need it, think twice, then buy whatever meets the need' lifestyle. i'm happy to use a bus if it gets me where i am going and never care about the label. keep up with the Jones? Why? I have no debts and want to keep it that way! In UK, they might have talked about me behind my back at work, when i used to work, but what they did not see was the house, triple garage on half an acre instead of the semi-detached with 30' garden. Appearances can be deceptive.

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Re: How do you deal with comparisons

Post by old-timer » April 29, 2010, 9:03 pm

rick wrote:Myself and OT are poles apart. never even heard about most of those brand names. I guess he is able to live the 'if you got it , flaunt it' lifestyle. I am happy with my 9 year old car and live on the 'if you need it, think twice, then buy whatever meets the need' lifestyle. i'm happy to use a bus if it gets me where i am going and never care about the label. keep up with the Jones? Why? I have no debts and want to keep it that way! In UK, they might have talked about me behind my back at work, when i used to work, but what they did not see was the house, triple garage on half an acre instead of the semi-detached with 30' garden. Appearances can be deceptive.
You are missing my point here rick, the OP was asking how we deal with comparisons, and I remarked in an earlier post that what falangs consider everyday things that we acquire throughout our working life, Thai people look at those possessions in a different way - they compare it to what they have and feel a certain amount of jealousy, whereas falangs generally don't. My Sisters that live in other parts of the world have pretty much the same things as me and so do all my friends in the UK. It has nothing to do with being flash or a "flaunt it" type lifestyle. It's just having normal things that most families have. Whats the point of working and not buying the things that will provide you and your family with a more comfortable lifestyle ?

OT....... \:D/

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Re: How do you deal with comparisons

Post by Bilko » April 29, 2010, 11:32 pm

Three trainers, how does that work. 2 left 1right, 1 left 2 right. unless you buy another three which will give you 3 pairs, i think !

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Re: How do you deal with comparisons

Post by Texpat » April 30, 2010, 12:02 am

Yeah, I know what you're sayin', OT.

Why, just yesterday I went out for an enchanting dining al fresco extravaganza with my wife and some friends.

They all bought the standard 25 baht noodle bowl. But I enjoy the high life, you see. I've worked hard for it. I'm a bit of an international jet-setter myself. I don't have Caspian beluga sturgeon caviar every day (maybe twice a week), but I still enjoy my fine dining. Keeping with that theme, I cut loose and threw down on the goi tiew pisade -- 30 baht. I know what you're saying... I'm an arrogant, self-absorbed glutenous playboy zillionaire showing off in front of my friends and family. But hey, that's the life I've chosen and I'm not ashamed of my ridiculously obscene wealth. Subsequently, I chose a delightfully nutty, and slightly fruity aperitif that was a scintillatingly complex cross between mossy stones and tanned leather. The maitre'd referred to it as aperitif du jour -- Archa. Sure I could have opted for that bilge swill Issan Bier, but, like I said, spending a little extra on the high life doesn't seem to phase me.

I even splashed out on a tip for the little honey who brought over some extra kap moo (crackling dermis le swine). I'm a renaissance man, of sorts, who can recognize high-quality service when I see it. I also took notice of the discreet way she wiped the swarming ants off the fine and sturdy plastic table before our highly discerning party were seated. First class. Surely, a well-heeled man like yourself knows this sort of exceptional service should not go unrewarded. Upon departing the immaculately swept and manicured curb, I slipped the dear a shiny silver/gold piece conspicuously embossed with the phrase "๑๐" denoting authenticity and value. I was happy to oblige.

Here's to the high life OT. :guiness:

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Re: How do you deal with comparisons

Post by maaka » April 30, 2010, 5:48 am

someone said money cannot by class..well I believe it can in Thailand, or that Thais believe it can..I have mixed with the full range of thais from Govt Ministers, to working as a builders labourer, and there is a distinct class structure..I think alot of this comparison stuff, flaunt your wealth stuff, is not so much about thais showing off that one is rich, but more about showing off that I am no longer a poor farmers daughter, a low paid shop assistant, or a massage girl, and that even though I may have married a farang, I now also own a new house and land, my kids go to the best schools etc etc, and so I should no longer be treated like some lower class slave, I have a new station in life..I wear gold seeeeeee..

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Re: How do you deal with comparisons

Post by nkstan » April 30, 2010, 8:01 am

I think the Thai married to a falang is looked at as a prostitute,marrying to live outside her ''class''.After all,class is born ,not bought in their eyes,except for the ones that are trying to ''outshine'' the other Thais!But we all know that what is good for one,is not OK for strangers :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Re: How do you deal with comparisons

Post by Glyn » April 30, 2010, 9:13 am

Sorry guys, I just got to hijack this thread a second and ask, why does someone continually refer to himself in the third-person?

I'm thinking it's an old age thing, or a sign of loneliness, but maybe (esp. considering the context of the text that follows) it's just a sign of someone who has a way-to-high opinion of their-self.

Anybody else got any ideas?

Back on TOPIC

This whole thread was to discuss ways around how to deal with the partner/neighbour/friend that brags; and the wife/gf that gives a nonsense what the neighbour/friend has/says.

Thankfully almost all of you that decided to list your life's accomplishments, to give your opinion, was that of humbleness, yet one of you had to use the thread to do exactly what it wasn't intended ie. brag about your wealth. Texpat - I'm not referring to your posts, they were brilliant, and a perfect example of what sarcasm should be.

You know it's really not hard to analyse people on this forum, you simply click on previous posts and there it is a massive summary of everything you've ever said for all to see. Just as well so many hide behind silly names and don't let people know who they are. I know many people personally on this forum, they are nice people - or I wouldn't have made the effort to be around them, funny thing is I like what they say on the forum, even if I don't always agree. They may have an alias but they don't worry about their anonymity.

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Re: How do you deal with comparisons

Post by arjay » April 30, 2010, 12:27 pm

Just having got back and re-visited this thread, my immediate thoughts are:

Texpat I'm sure you can contribute something more constructive than sarcasm and mocking! ;)

Yes, they do seem to act like children. Should we treat them like children?

I strongly agree money can't buy class, but it would seem that many of those from the poor village background think it does.

It doesn't seem to help to discuss, debate, explain, rationalise, persuade or make comparisons, - they have their built in prejudices, which are almost impossible to shake. They are particularly evident when one's partner is going back to the visit the village, - they are under great pressure to show evidence of their wealth!! :roll:

I've even used comparisons like, well are you saying that you would rather have gold, than food in your stomach, a roof over your head and your child going to a good school. And the reply, albeit given against a background of frustration from my line of argument, was yes.

I am not convinced that it helps to debate the point with them. My partner's answer is I talk too much.

I can identify with Stan's comments/experiences quite well. Despite having pointed out and explained things, it has little affect.

Yes, as Glyn and OT point out my OP was seeking advice as to how to deal with the comparisons that they often seek to make.

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Re: How do you deal with comparisons

Post by Zidane » April 30, 2010, 12:36 pm

Do you not find that the Thais who are incredibly wealthy are pretty low key about it ?
Its the ones who are middle of the road who aspire to great wealth who are the ones that try to flaunt it.....new car,buying gold every month,never ending building improvements etc.
These are the people who will never be a class act no matter what they try to do.....all "fur coat and no knickers".....some of the wives and girlfriends quite literally !! 8)

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Re: How do you deal with comparisons

Post by trubrit » April 30, 2010, 12:53 pm

Zidane wrote: .....all "fur coat and no knickers"....)
God I haven't heard that saying for more than 50 years. It was one of my old mothers favourites. The funny thing is , I used to believe it and every time I saw someone in a fur coat I assumed she had no knickers on . :lol:

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Re: How do you deal with comparisons

Post by old-timer » April 30, 2010, 1:50 pm

Bilko wrote:Three trainers, how does that work. 2 left 1right, 1 left 2 right. unless you buy another three which will give you 3 pairs, i think !
I stand corrected - I've given myself a punch in the gob for not making things clear.
Texpat wrote:Yeah, I know what you're sayin', OT.

Why, just yesterday I went out for an enchanting dining al fresco extravaganza with my wife and some friends.

They all bought the standard 25 baht noodle bowl. But I enjoy the high life, you see. I've worked hard for it. I'm a bit of an international jet-setter myself. I don't have Caspian beluga sturgeon caviar every day (maybe twice a week), but I still enjoy my fine dining. Keeping with that theme, I cut loose and threw down on the goi tiew pisade -- 30 baht. I know what you're saying... I'm an arrogant, self-absorbed glutenous playboy zillionaire showing off in front of my friends and family. But hey, that's the life I've chosen and I'm not ashamed of my ridiculously obscene wealth. Subsequently, I chose a delightfully nutty, and slightly fruity aperitif that was a scintillatingly complex cross between mossy stones and tanned leather. The maitre'd referred to it as aperitif du jour -- Archa. Sure I could have opted for that bilge swill Issan Bier, but, like I said, spending a little extra on the high life doesn't seem to phase me.

I even splashed out on a tip for the little honey who brought over some extra kap moo (crackling dermis le swine). I'm a renaissance man, of sorts, who can recognize high-quality service when I see it. I also took notice of the discreet way she wiped the swarming ants off the fine and sturdy plastic table before our highly discerning party were seated. First class. Surely, a well-heeled man like yourself knows this sort of exceptional service should not go unrewarded. Upon departing the immaculately swept and manicured curb, I slipped the dear a shiny silver/gold piece conspicuously embossed with the phrase "๑๐" denoting authenticity and value. I was happy to oblige.

Here's to the high life OT. :guiness:
I am a bit of a loss with your posts, I don't find them sarcastic because I have no idea what you are going on about.

OT...... \:D/

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Re: How do you deal with comparisons

Post by maaka » May 1, 2010, 5:36 am

not sure if Glyn was referring to me or not, but his comment regarding someone talking in the third person sense came just after me last statement here..if it was me, I can assure you I do not have a high opinion of myself at all..old age, no I dont think so, loniness, well 25yrs living alone on a remote island out on the edge of the world, can have a man talking to himself more than in the third sense, and when ones custom and culture is to talk to and acknowledge mountains, buildings as if they were people, and the dead, so if it was me you are referring too, then perhaps you will allow me some elbow room if I talk in a slightly different manner to that in which you are use too..

sorry for going off track folks..just wanted to clear that one up if it was referring to me..right of rebuttal and all that..

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