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Long distance relationships, mixed relationships etc...
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arjay
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Post by arjay » December 6, 2013, 6:52 pm

Distraughtfather, you have my sympathies. A very difficult situation, which fortunately I have no experience of.

May I commend Mudshark's post, (above on this thread).

A couple of thoughts crossed my mind, depending what approach or route you decide to take.

1. Being cynical, it could be that your (new) wife had such an eventuality in mind all along.

2. As Mudshark said, Village/Buddhist weddings are not formal or legal marriages.

3. Nong Khai to Vientiane is a convenient border crossing point. There are flights to Hanoi, KL and I think Singapore from Vientiane.

3. I wonder if you decided to travel with your son, if there is a lady in your (SA) family, with the same name as yourself (e.g. mother or unmarried sister), who might travel with you, if you were travelling Internationally with your son. That might reduce the prospect of you being challenged or questioned at border crossings or airport Immigration desks.

4. However, if you followed that "quick exit" idea, I would think it difficult travelling with your son's passport about to expire. Most countries require passports to have 3 or 6 months unexpired validity, before allowing you to enter. Thus if you were to consider an accompanied "quick exit" I would think you would need to fly out directly to your home country, rather than firstly travelling to a neighbouring country. And only "transit" through any other country's airport terminal en route. I.e. avoid actually entering a third country. Thus maybe going via Laos would have complications.

5. I would anticipate that whatever heartache this is causing or likely to cause you, the same may well apply to your "wife".

6. If your son stays in Thailand, I would think your wife's parents or family would happily look after the child, and funding wouldn't be an issue.



Nick22
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Post by Nick22 » December 27, 2013, 12:03 pm

Well, I have a few thoughts but they aren't from an expert.

Firstly, don't listen to the people who are suggesting that you kidnap your son back with you to Thailand -- this is extremely hazardous, and it might work and it might have worse repercussions than you imagine. Thailand is signatory to the various treaties on the transportation of minors, and if your wife is obtaining Thai citizenship for him, that will complicate things.

Secondly, you likely had to sign a paper giving your wife permission to take your son back with her to Thailand; my wife had to have one of those to return home with our child, to pass customs and get on the plane. She hasn't kidnapped him. I'm not saying I approve of what she's done, but legally it's not kidnapping.

The people who are recommending that you try to save your marriage are saying something valuable. Marriage in Thailand is an affair of love and a transaction, and it involves clans, families, and more than just the two people who marry. Don't show up distraught and raving -- be cool and relaxed and show that you're not going to create a disturbing scene. Go to the older people who represented her at your wedding, they perform a form of surety for her behaviour. If the wedding is salvagable, they will know how to go about salvaging it. Don't be embarrassed about discussing the most intimate details, I've seen men show up and discuss these with elders with no regard for privacy. It's common, in rural Isaan. If the wedding can't be salvaged, see what people can work out about custody. If that fails, then it's time to try a lawyer.

And finally, here's my opinion, offered free and worth what it cost -- rural Thailand IS a better place to raise a child, your wife is right. Better than South Africa, better than Edmonton (where I am now), life is great there, it's only when they start school that the big drawbacks kick in . . . Tell your wife that you agree with her and that you want to work out how you can manage a life in two places.

Anyway, good luck! We have a toddler too, I can only imagine how awful your situation is. I know that if my wife did that, I would join her in Thailand if she was willing to give it a shot.

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Khun Paul
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Post by Khun Paul » December 27, 2013, 2:29 pm

Judging by many posts action however desirous, can be full of pitfalls and other problems which cannot be , should you end up on the wrong side of the law ( In Thailand ) you are liable to lose ALL access for life, now even though advice has been given, I for one would not even contemplate it. Sure I gave you advice previously, but as the story unfolds a new slant has risen , your wife came with your son back to Thailand, obviously with your permission, then the journey of bringing your son back unannounced as it were is fraught with many problems not least the legality of it.

Nick has offered you sound advice , while probably at odds with your emotional state, what YOU DO NOT WANT TO DO IS TO PUT YOURSELF AT ODDS WITH THE FAMILY AS A WHOLE. if that occurs you may never see your child again, they will ensure that. No matter what a lawyer says, they can be the most obstinate, awkward people I have ever known. Dialogue and gently gently will win the day in time not tomorrow nor even next month but it will win the day eventually.

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Post by bumper » December 27, 2013, 6:23 pm

I would say this always try a gentle stroke in Thailand if possible.

You may force the Mother back to your Country would you really want a live like that?

As to the child gentle doesn't work get legal advice. As Tina Turner said " Whats love got to do with it"

You can read the law for yourself, it's written in English I think the area you would start to look at would be section 1501

http://www.samuiforsale.com/law-texts/t ... art-1.html
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Nick22
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Post by Nick22 » December 28, 2013, 1:17 am

Khun Paul is right as well -- remember that you didn't marry just your wife but her entire family. It's easy to imagine a scenario where your marriage breaks down, but you can still share custody of your son with her relatives -- you spend a few months there a year with them, stuff like that. Of course it all depends on the people involved, just like everywhere else, but don't assume that estrangement from your wife has to mean estrangement from everyone else on her side of the family.

And in all the years I've spent in Thailand, I have to emphasize that I've never once made a situation better by being angry, tense, or impatient.

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Post by bigsnake » January 22, 2015, 9:59 am

So what can you do with a CHEATING Wife when the House is in HER name<>no matter what a THAI court will say split 50 50 which is nonsense<>but what can YOU DO?

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merchant seaman
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Post by merchant seaman » January 22, 2015, 10:03 am

Only thing you can do is walk away and forget it.
No man has a good enough memory to be a succesful liar.

bumper
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Post by bumper » January 22, 2015, 10:49 am

maaka wrote:I would talk to Sebastian at Isaan Lawyers.com as my methods to acquire said son back would be extreme and covert. However, I take it your son holds a South African passport, and is obviously a SA citizen, and thats how he got out of your country and into Thailand..what does your embassy say on the matter..surely it will stand up for one of its kidnapped citizens..the boy may have a Thai mother, but he is South African born and breed...ask your embassy now before she gets his thai passport..that is why she is getting a Thai passport, so as to alter his nationality and therefore stave off any foreign claim to him...

best listen to others who have been thru the same situation...
That is your answer, you can;t force her. As I read it your not legally married, Saw nothing about filing with the Ampher Ect.

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jackspratt
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Post by jackspratt » January 22, 2015, 11:01 am

Please note the date of the OP. :D

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GT93
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Post by GT93 » January 22, 2015, 11:32 am

If I was posting in December 2013 I would have suggested trying to make some compromise with the wife - the child is schooled in South Africa and has his school holidays in Thailand and the Mrs. lives half the year or so in South Africa. If not that, then the other way around with the poster in Thailand as often as he can be. Yes, a lot of trust is needed for that solution.

I'd add that being schooled and raised in Isan isn't bad. If the child does well in school in Isan, there are still lots of opportunities in Thailand. Skilled Thais can have a high standard of living in Bangkok these days.

Stickman had a column some months ago about how girls' income in Bangkok is now so high that many farang just don't earn enough in Thailand to be financially attractive to Thai girls.
Lock 'em up - Eastman, Giuliani, Senator Graham, Meadows and Trump

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Khun Paul
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Post by Khun Paul » January 22, 2015, 12:41 pm

The advice given previously was probably the best, the latest concerning schooling, is not the best scenario for your child, this ( education ) is so important that you would regret even allowing your child to pursue education here, BUT if you have no option funding for private tutors will ensure the shortcomings of the current education system is negated to some extent.

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GT93
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Post by GT93 » January 22, 2015, 1:23 pm

From memory KP Stickman actually said farang teachers just don't earn enough baht in Bangkok to be financially attractive to more and more Thai girls now. Thailand is changing. Salaries are increasing. The stats say Thailand has been growing economically.

About a decade ago my oldest step-daughter dropped out of M 5 because of boyfriends. The next year she went to a technical college in Udon. She did well there and after graduating she went to an Isan university. After graduating from there she went to work in Bangkok. As young people do she changes jobs every few years looking for a better job and more money. She's on the way. If the education can be afforded there are heaps of opportunities in Thailand. Meanwhile in farangland there are heaps of waiters and waitresses with university degrees.

I don't buy the argument that education in Thailand is a bad idea. Immigrants in farangland face a lot of difficulties getting their qualifications recognized or just getting decent employment. The first generation do it really tough.

With farang help (or anyone paying for the education), a Thai kid has lots of doors open to use his or her talents in Thailand. I think the OP's child with help from the OP can do well in Thailand.
Lock 'em up - Eastman, Giuliani, Senator Graham, Meadows and Trump

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