When you married, you married a person that is different from you. They think differently and have a personality different from you. That is what attracted you to each other. If you would marry a person that is a carbon copy of yourself ; you would be bored to death with each other. Like I said; A good marriage does not come automatically. It takes work and commitment of both parties. You will always have disagreements. It's how you and your wife deal with the disagreements that makes a difference. You deal with the disagreements with loyalty, love and respect for each other or can deal with the disagreements out of an un-loyal attitude, selfishness and pride.
Love is not a feeling. Caring for the feelings of those you love are very important in a marriage. It is a choice that says " I chose to love you even though we are going thru tough times." True love always gives unselfishly. Selfishness is a individual that takes and makes demands. The words that you use during a disagreement can be very hurtful so guard your heart and your emotions. You cannot un-ring the bell.

pf-flyer wrote:When you married, you married a person that is different from you. They think differently and have a personality different from you. That is what attracted you to each other. If you would marry a person that is a carbon copy of yourself ; you would be bored to death with each other. Like I said; A good marriage does not come automatically. It takes work and commitment of both parties. You will always have disagreements. It's how you and your wife deal with the disagreements that makes a difference. You deal with the disagreements with loyalty, love and respect for each other or can deal with the disagreements out of an un-loyal attitude, selfishness and pride.
Love is not a feeling. Caring for the feelings of those you love are very important in a marriage. It is a choice that says " I chose to love you even though we are going thru tough times." True love always gives unselfishly. Selfishness is a individual that takes and makes demands. The words that you use during a disagreement can be very hurtful so guard your heart and your emotions. You cannot un-ring the bell.

Well spoken Sir!

parrot wrote: On our anniversary each year, we toast the military chaplain who warned us our impending marriage wouldn't last a year because 'most marriages of Americans to Asians don't last longer than that'. We've gone through a box of bottles of good wine toasting that chaplain.....and plan on another box or two to boot.

Again, congratulations!

And a very belated congratulations from me pf-flyer.

Parrot do you think the chaplain was trying to help you by pointing out that you had many challenges ahead of you if an inter-cultural marriage was going to work?

We thought that selling everything and saying goodbye to the kids was the toughest thing that we had to endure before we flew off to Thailand. HA....!!!! That was just the beginning of the challenges. My wife and I spent about 17 years of our married life as members of an independent Baptist church. We practiced an adherence to an individual James 1611 version of the Bible. We read completely thru the Bible every year. No other versions accepted. I was a Deacon in the church and wife was on just about every committee in the church. We were in church Sunday morning, Sunday Evening and Wednesday for Wednesday night bible study. We finally left because we got fed up with the newly installed pastor running the church in the fashion of an organized religion and the bottom line was always " How much money was in the offering today. " Most of the men on the church board were yes men and they did not want to offend their new buddy. They were afraid to be honest with themselves and to speak their own conscience. Moving from that environment to the culture of Thailand was a quantum leap for both of us.

GT93 wrote: Parrot do you think the chaplain was trying to help you by pointing out that you had many challenges ahead of you if an inter-cultural marriage was going to work?

Had he put it that way, I wouldn't have had a problem. But he basically said, "I give it one year".......not the sort of thing I was prepared for when I took my Buddhist tealock in for a briefing by the chaplain. We got from him what we wanted when we walked in for our counseling......a check mark on our loooong checklist.

Then the security manager in my intelligence squadron had to 'interview' my wife....another checklist requirement. There was nothing to like about the security manager who asked too many 'personal' questions for my blood. My wife often told there were a large group of communists in her village....which wouldn't bode well for me and my security clearance. I heard from others what the security manager would ask....so I simply told my wife to walk in and pretend she couldn't speak a word of English. Another check on the checklist.
Oh, so many stories to tell!

pf-flyer wrote: We finally left because we got fed up with the newly installed pastor running the church in the fashion of an organized religion and the bottom line was always " How much money was in the offering today. "

Reminds me in some ways of the local dominant religion.

Its very nice that you are still studying.