Married 40 years on 8 October and still learning.
I very thankful to have a Thai wife that would easily pass for age 25 even though our ages are only 6 years apart. I was stationed at Udon RTAFB in the 70s when we met and got married. I was previously stationed at Korat RTAFB and Phan Rang AFB South Vietnam. I spent most of my military enlistment time in South East Asia. We have a Son and a Daughter that are both married and We have three granddaughters back in the states. My wife takes very good care of our home and me. When I worked at the University and when she would stop in at my office to visit me; the staff and faculty that did not know who she was thought that she was one of our university students. I have been on this forum for several years. This forum has been very useful to me. I have learned allot from the experiences of other people on this forum. After being married for 40 years I must say that a good marriage does not come automatically. It takes commitment and work from both parties to make a good marriage. We spent 38 years of our marriage in Pennsylvania. Moving to Thailand and building a house was a challenge that was bigger than we ever imagined or expected. We had intense and dramatic disagreements in just about every issue that you could imagine ( mostly about culture issues causing changes for both of us concerning how we are going to live in Thailand and pressure from interpersonal issues with family ). We found ourselves asking how are we going to make it. We were shaken to the core of our souls. I can say now that it is a decision that is made in the heart. I can say that it is a decision that I need to remind myself of now and then when those emotions start acting up. I remind myself not to worry about other people's perception of us.
I know of a lot of instances back in the states also of people compromising their finances and their happiness trying to keep up with and impress other people.
I still love my wife more than ever and I can truthfully say that I would marry her and do it all over again. I could have all of the worldly possessions that you could imagine and if I did not have her in my life; it would be a very empty life. It is the relationship that is important; it is not about possessions. Possessions do not give you fulfillment, love and companionship in return.

Bravo... its a long journey but only the most blessed of us get to make it 44 years for me an my bride nice to hear someone else has been so blessed sincerely kularb and john scoggins

Hats off to you and your wife on your anniversary! My wife and I know many handfuls of Thai/American marriages that have passed the 25 year mark.......and at least a handful of marriages that have passed the 40 year mark.
Like you, our move here was the most daring thing we've done.....sold our house/possessions and pulled up roots to move here. We knew many people who wanted to do the same thing, but didn't have the courage to try it.

On our anniversary each year, we toast the military chaplain who warned us our impending marriage wouldn't last a year because 'most marriages of Americans to Asians don't last longer than that'. We've gone through a box of bottles of good wine toasting that chaplain.....and plan on another box or two to boot.

Again, congratulations!

Beautiful words

Quote "On our anniversary each year, we toast the military chaplain who warned us our impending marriage wouldn't last a year because 'most marriages of Americans to Asians don't last longer than that'. We've gone through a box of bottles of good wine toasting that chaplain.....and plan on another box or two to boot."
Thanks... They ( The Chaplain on camp and most of the family members back in the states ) said the same thing to us and behind our backs when and after we got married. I worked graveyard shift during that time so that I could do the necessary paper work during the daylight hours for the U.S. Military and Thai government; that I know that you would be familiar with. During that time there was a coupe and most of Bangkok was closed down for several weeks and we had to redo some of our paper work. I will never forget the several Thai ladies with a Thai passport that came to us during that time and asking for advise on what they could do about a G.I. that had promised to come back and take her home with him and never did. I consider myself very fortunate that we have made it this far. I am very thankful to have a beautiful, loving and patient wife that has put up with me for so many years. There is a saying that Marriage & Gold are similar in a sense that they need to have the impurities purged out by fire. We have endured many fires over the years. Selling and letting go of our house and everything else that we had collected for 37 years that we could not pack into checked luggage was not easy for either of us. We had alot of yard sales. ( Everything must go ) Saying goodbye to our Sons family and Daughters family and the grandchildren was the toughest.
My wife said the most beautiful thing to me several days ago that I have ever heard.
Here it is " If I have the chance to live another life again. I want to live that life again as your wife "
I told her that I feel that same about her.

Congratulations, good to hear a realistic positive story, good luck.

Congratulations and well said!

We are 9 years married and getting ever stronger each year. Two amazing kids. I look forward to the next 31 years and then some. How so very lucky and wonderful it is for us all to have truly found "The One".

Absolutely... There are no guarantees in life. Life is not always fair and just. That is why is said " and still learning ". My entire biological family including my mother disenfranchised Me and my wife several years before I retired. Their bigotry had finally surfaced. Their tolerance of us had finally ran out. My mother took her anger that was fueled by my younger brother and his wife's lies and hate and jealously toward us and her refusal to reconcile with us to her grave. My father died in a drowning accident when I was 9 years old. My two faced lying brother hired a lawyer after my mother died to make sure that I did not inherit anything. There wasn't anything that I wanted. They including my mother even went as far as to attempt to sway our adult children against us. It did not work....I will always remember a quote from my college calculus professor " You can work hard or you can learn to work smart. My goal is to teach you to work smart ".. I chose to learn to work smart.

run faster, jump higher PF-Flyer! Been with my Thai wife about the same time frame.. Good times and bad times but we're still together.. Too ornery to split up I guess..

if she doesn't throw me out before may 26th itll be 45 years another farlong- thai marriage that everyone said would not last....a lot of fighting and a lot of making up in 45 years sanook sabi
here in florida for now see you in October khun kularb and john cheers

Congrats farlong68, glad you and yours did not pay attention to those that said it would not last. Myself I am only at the 10 year mark on this marriage after losing first wife after 30 years together.

30+10 you get ur 40 year pin... lucky in love twice, twice blessed cheers john

Very interesting and encouraging read, thanks for posting.
I am just a few years into marriage and we live well in farangland. We have had some stormy years too but the rollercoasterides are getting fewer and less steep.

I was curious, if any might want to comment, what was the main problems when relocating back to Thailand upon retirement. I can imagine a million problems of course, but the "puzzling" thing was that problems arise when you have been married happily 30+ years.
After 30+ years I imagine all misunderstanding and culture differences with in-laws and wife would be well understood and a modus vivendi had been found ?
I don't mean to be nosy into any personal issues, just wonder about if you might have general comments on why relocation is/was a challenge ?

Also good point Semperfi about being careful with shared bank accounts, however rosy things may seem.

Thanks all

When you married, you married a person that is different from you. They think differently and have a personality different from you. That is what attracted you to each other. If you would marry a person that is a carbon copy of yourself ; you would be bored to death with each other. Like I said; A good marriage does not come automatically. It takes work and commitment of both parties. You will always have disagreements. It's how you and your wife deal with the disagreements that makes a difference. You deal with the disagreements with loyalty, love and respect for each other or can deal with the disagreements out of an un-loyal attitude, selfishness and pride.
Love is not a feeling. Caring for the feelings of those you love are very important in a marriage. It is a choice that says " I chose to love you even though we are going thru tough times." True love always gives unselfishly. Selfishness is a individual that takes and makes demands. The words that you use during a disagreement can be very hurtful so guard your heart and your emotions. You cannot un-ring the bell.

parrot wrote: On our anniversary each year, we toast the military chaplain who warned us our impending marriage wouldn't last a year because 'most marriages of Americans to Asians don't last longer than that'. We've gone through a box of bottles of good wine toasting that chaplain.....and plan on another box or two to boot.

Again, congratulations!

And a very belated congratulations from me pf-flyer.

Parrot do you think the chaplain was trying to help you by pointing out that you had many challenges ahead of you if an inter-cultural marriage was going to work?

We thought that selling everything and saying goodbye to the kids was the toughest thing that we had to endure before we flew off to Thailand. HA....!!!! That was just the beginning of the challenges. My wife and I spent about 17 years of our married life as members of an independent Baptist church. We practiced an adherence to an individual James 1611 version of the Bible. We read completely thru the Bible every year. No other versions accepted. I was a Deacon in the church and wife was on just about every committee in the church. We were in church Sunday morning, Sunday Evening and Wednesday for Wednesday night bible study. We finally left because we got fed up with the newly installed pastor running the church in the fashion of an organized religion and the bottom line was always " How much money was in the offering today. " Most of the men on the church board were yes men and they did not want to offend their new buddy. They were afraid to be honest with themselves and to speak their own conscience. Moving from that environment to the culture of Thailand was a quantum leap for both of us.

GT93 wrote: Parrot do you think the chaplain was trying to help you by pointing out that you had many challenges ahead of you if an inter-cultural marriage was going to work?

Had he put it that way, I wouldn't have had a problem. But he basically said, "I give it one year".......not the sort of thing I was prepared for when I took my Buddhist tealock in for a briefing by the chaplain. We got from him what we wanted when we walked in for our counseling......a check mark on our loooong checklist.

Then the security manager in my intelligence squadron had to 'interview' my wife....another checklist requirement. There was nothing to like about the security manager who asked too many 'personal' questions for my blood. My wife often told there were a large group of communists in her village....which wouldn't bode well for me and my security clearance. I heard from others what the security manager would ask....so I simply told my wife to walk in and pretend she couldn't speak a word of English. Another check on the checklist.
Oh, so many stories to tell!