Welshboy wrote:Stan.
A good reply to my off the wall idea.

It may work as long as you were in Business. Trading,renting or farming and you paid rent for your house you are living in to your company.

But at the end of the day. There is nothing better than the Love of a good woman within a happy marriage.

My belief is that except in very very rare cases,the Thai womans involvement is more about business than the heart.So the falang needs to take a business approach in dealing HIS hard earned finances that he brings to the relationship.

I have a friend that has built and owns several properties in Thailand.He has a business company set up with his lovely wife as an employee.She collects the rents and does the accounting while she attend Law school as he has a business situation in the USA that is seasonal.But it is a legitimate company,paying taxes and all!
I certainly agree about a happy marriage and gaining the love of a good woman,being fantastic,but in the meantime,business is business!

moorlandwalker wrote: If you want to see if your thai gf loves you or your money, don't offer sin sod above 50 000 Baht and don't pay her so much money that she doesn't need to work. She will only appreciate the value of money if she has to work for it. You can offer to pay for things for her family as and when they are needed, such as a replacement fridge, education for children.
But if you are not reasonably generous in this way you will be despised!
If their family value you as a person, and think you will be a good addition to the family and you offer some long term security then the relationship will continue. If your money is foremost in their minds it will end.

Thats exactly what i did/do. I paid no sin sod, got married overseas, until the wife was officially the wife and pregnant last year i gave her hardly any money and the most i have got her parents is a washing machine, even after we got married i sent her 5000 baht every two weeks, and no more

We are still together two years later, and have a new baby. It seemed to have worked. There was a time, for about two weeks about a year and a half ago when she said give me money or she will not talk to me, so i said bye bye and two weeks later she was on the phone saying sorry

I cant believe how many westerners get sucked in to the money train/drain, its laughable, you would think they value their pensions more

Mash is absolutely right in his article THAI ladies specially in ISAN will welcome any FRANG because their concept about westerners is all white Guys are walking ATM being married with a ISAN girls you starting support a whole sllizy net work which including a farmer Father looking for support to improve his corps mother looking for house repaier or alteration AND A BOy FRIEND under cover of cousin or relative will appear who will be strongly recommended from your sweetheart for support which will be a pickup truk or a considerable cash amount for his invisible business project.

So your heard earn money will also support her brother (UNDERCOVER BOY FRIEND) to give your wife good time in bed while you are away on overseas trip or on business the pickup truck will use for transportation your wife and her BROTHER to motels or other ISAN type entertainment avenues the most important thing your money also support the brother girl friend who he keep secretly because when you stay with your wife it's difficult for him to get in bed with your wife so he will have a other nice looking girl friend to spend his time during your stay at home.

This is common practice SO I support a idea of a member in this forum just keep a 1000 BHT per night practice and be happy and be safe. ("_")

Hi,
Myself, being elderly and the wife just 39, got married to give the wife security. Among other things. Also i can claim for her on my tax. Plus if i die, she gets a sum of 2,000GBP's, about 100,000B from my gov. towards funeral expenses. I paid for the house when i bought it, new. and car. Also she has her own brick built house in Korat. Both fully fitted out and no monies owing. Plus she will get a widows pension. Plus half of my other pension, which will be about 3,000B a week. Which should take care of her.
I have known the lady now for about eight years, so far so good, but i am not a fortune teller, so am unable to tell what will happen in the next years. I think this is the least i could do, after all the care she has giving me. If we were not married she would not get anything from my two pensions, which i have paid into most of my working life.
We got married at the Family office in Udon. Took about two hours, mostly waiting and it cost about 2,000B. The money we would have spent, or wasted, on a formal wedding with party afterwards, went towards a two week holiday on a tropical Island. Well worth it, in both our opinions.
Whichever way you do it i hope you are happy, that is the main thing. Good luck to you.
Cheers Doug.

douglas wrote:Hi,
Myself, being elderly and the wife just 39, got married to give the wife security. Among other things. Also i can claim for her on my tax. Plus if i die, she gets a sum of 2,000GBP's, about 100,000B from my gov. towards funeral expenses. I paid for the house when i bought it, new. and car. Also she has her own brick built house in Korat. Both fully fitted out and no monies owing. Plus she will get a widows pension. Plus half of my other pension, which will be about 3,000B a week. Which should take care of her.
I have known the lady now for about eight years, so far so good, but i am not a fortune teller, so am unable to tell what will happen in the next years. I think this is the least i could do, after all the care she has giving me. If we were not married she would not get anything from my two pensions, which i have paid into most of my working life.
We got married at the Family office in Udon. Took about two hours, mostly waiting and it cost about 2,000B. The money we would have spent, or wasted, on a formal wedding with party afterwards, went towards a two week holiday on a tropical Island. Well worth it, in both our opinions.
Whichever way you do it i hope you are happy, that is the main thing. Good luck to you.
Cheers Doug.

Good on you Doug. That reflects exactly my situation and thinking. Plus an extra saving on income tax if she is a dependent relative .

Skipping thru this post 2 things spring to mind ..

1 ... A real wedding is on the farm and not a ฿20 name change in BKK

2 ... Security

Without looking, stumbled upon BenZona's post above from June 19 2011. It iseems related to his unfortunate predicament this week (other thread) about his wife leaving him.

*****
Is there a thread: Farang attitudes toward marriage with a Thai woman?

I am perhaps over generous with my wife in many respects. Properties and cars are in her name, and I have not kept purse strings held tight, except during her temporary involvement in an MLM venture that was sucking our accounts dry.

Though I always had an issue with funding little envelopes to her parents on mother's day, father's day, new year, Songrkan, and both birthdays. This is six envelopes per year, and the minimum rate of giving in this family is 10,000 baht per envelope.

I can see why the younger generation takes care of their parents when it is out of need, indicative of decent family values, this is the Asian system. It is a cultural expectation that I felt did not apply to us, because frankly my wife's parents are wealthier than I will ever be, and they cut my wife of their family business when she married me because "in Chinese culture, the girl marries out". This way they could make her two younger brothers millionaires by giving them the family business, without any discussion or consideration whatsoever of my wife's feelings and desire to also be part of their business. I am told this is an old fashioned Chinese thing, not a Thai thing.

However since early this year, in the spirit of marital harmony and living in this country and culture, I am funding these envelopes. Some battles are not worth fighting. I'd rather she be perceived as a dutiful daughter, than a girl who married a foreigner who after many years in the country still doesn't understand or appreciate their culture.

Seek first to understand, then to be understood. I had to understand my wife's postion as a Thai/Chinese daughter and their cultural way of doing things, and how important this was to her (I did not get that for many years) to adjust my way of thinking.

Also:
Sometimes when you win, you lose.

Well spotted rct, that certainly throws a new light on his situation, to me a letter of arrogance, little understanding and bordering on cruel to someone who you are planning on spending the rest of your life with.
There is certainly two sides to every story and until her side is put forward I for one will be out with the jury.

coxo wrote:Well spotted rct, that certainly throws a new light on his situation, to me a letter of arrogance, little understanding and bordering on cruel to someone who you are planning on spending the rest of your life with.
There is certainly two sides to every story and until her side is put forward I for one will be out with the jury.

What exactly does this have to do with his wife making a holy show out of the guy and their break-up?

I wrote on this thread as a general comment about seeking mutual understanding with one's partner.
(Didn't mean to target BenZona.)

We are all unique individuals, as are our partners whether coming from villages some of which then go to work in entertainment fields, or more privileged backgrounds with higher levels of education and work/life experience. Seeking deeper mutual understanding and compromise that satisfies both in the relationship, can only be desireable.

I made an admission above, of what I now perceive to be my own stubbornness, that had allowed resentment to build up in my wife over a long period of time. While I do not like the "money" element that is in this culture (that we are judged by these envelopes etc even when the family does not need it), my opinion is not going to change the culture, so better to go with the flow in this country that welcomes my presence.

If one marries a woman from a family with financial struggles, who are still good people and hard working, well, one should want to continuously help them if in a position to, even if token amounts, so they can live better, especially because it makes one's chosen wife happier. Though if the family were lazy drunks who gambled and squandered etc, that is another matter.

It seems to me that when one seeks the ''truth and understanding''within a culture that accepts lies,corruption,avoidance of responsibility with the always convenient excuse or reason of ''face'',it is very very difficult if not impossible!In many cases, doing so only increases the tension,resentment and problems.
It is hard to evaluate the situation when one doesn't have a clear understanding of the facts and the ''players''.LUCK seems to be a big factor for those that feel successful.Time is a major factor!

nkstan wrote:It seems to me that when one seeks the ''truth and understanding''within a culture that accepts lies,corruption,avoidance of responsibility with the always convenient excuse or reason of ''face'',it is very very difficult if not impossible!In many cases, doing so only increases the tension,resentment and problems.
It is hard to evaluate the situation when one doesn't have a clear understanding of the facts and the ''players''.LUCK seems to be a big factor for those that feel successful.Time is a major factor!

Fully understand your point of view Stan, especially coming , as it does, so soon after your divorce . However I disagree about the time factor, other than the obvious , that we all change in many ways , over time. A marriage can go wrong from day one. I have been divorced twice. The first after 28 years, the second to a Thai, after 13.In both cases, the reason was due more to a change in me. What I still wanted from life, my hopes and ambitions, which I felt weren't being fulfilled within the confines of marriage . My first wife , mother of my daughter, accepted this and admitted, in her own words, " I was too much for her."So we divorced and still remain good friends to this day.The second wife , the Thai one, changed in the completely opposite direction. From being the stereotypical Thai lady, from a modest background, she became, after a few years in England, a successful, career minded, business woman. Which meant that , from being the husband caring, Asian style lady we all love, she changed to the very sort of female I had initially run away from . Oh yes , she still understood her wifely obligations to me, but felt paying someone else to cook and give me massage, yes even a mia noi to take care of the personal side, fulfilled the requirement .At first I accepted , even enjoyed this, but eventually I realised, that wasn't the sort of marriage I wanted. So we divorced, not amicably because she didn't understand why I wasn't happy with my lot .
Now I am coming up to our 10th anniversary with my present wife. We have our moments but generally because of my previous experiences from which I have learnt, we are enjoying our time together. I have settled down to a life of contentment and it's me that has changed to the Thai way of thinking, accepting it , warts and all. Not wanting her to change to mine .The future? Who knows but I am enjoying today .

I certainly agree that people change on both sides of the relationship with time,My reference to ''time''was meant to point out that those changes will happen and can go either way effecting compatibility.
My divorce was amicable as there was no scam planned,time brought changes that made for less compatibility.

Different personalities having some similar beliefs, such as practicing the same religion and a clearer understanding of the culture and language,should allow acceptance of each others ''warts'' much easier,plus allows for less change.

I got involved,as many do,very fast w/o much understanding of the culture,studied very intensely the language in the first few years including reading and writing,but I was to defensive about all the untoward remarks and conversations I would overhear,that I eventually withdrew my desire to pursue assimilation into the culture.Choosing to insulate myself with firm boundaries which was satisfactory for me,but to the detriment of my wife's identity and happiness as her personality was being transformed until she was in the confused in-between state that was difficult for everyone.I accept that I am a controller and made mistakes culturally that effected our marriage,We both are much happier on our own,I am very supportive to her now and her future.We both meant well in our marriage!I am lucky that she was not submerged in greed and deceit ,So is she,because She is still financially secure,free of my control,yet able to ask for counsel as she finds her way.It is my intention to be there for her as she needs it,there is no lack of trust!
The types of people,whether they have ''good hearts'' or selfish motives that override everything else make the difference and I would certainly agree that the attempting to change each other is detrimental to the health of the relationship!

A few comments on my comments so i just thought id add i cant believe that some of you actually think the way to love is to feed some middle aged leeches all of your spare cash so that they can buy a buffalo and you get to keep your woman

If it means i dont hook up with another Thai scammer then ill stick to my "sort out your own bloody life and be grateful for whatever you get" attitude, for anything is better than nothing.

I have my own family to support before i support someone elses than you very much. Spoon feeding these people endless cash and gifts does nothing except make them sponge off you more, and set precedence for others

I just looked at my bank account, in seven months i sent my (now) ex over $4000, I think that should be enough for someone who spends 50 baht a day on food and lives in a barn dont you?

If its not good enough for some of you, bite me!

More than 60 million Thai people with more than 60 million attitudes. Why do so many Western men pick the girls with the bad attitudes?

Frankie 1 wrote:More than 60 million Thai people with more than 60 million attitudes. Why do so many Western men pick the girls with the bad attitudes?

Here we are back to, given the choice, a thai woman would rather have a thai man.
Only when the good thai men are taken, then the thai woman looks around for a farang. To put it cynically.
I guess we farang would also first try to see if Heidi Klum were interested in us. It would be much easier, same Western culture etc.

After then taking the plunge into thai culture, there is indeed a fine line between subsidizing inlaw's buffalo indiscriminately compared to accepting that some measure of support is the norm. When in Rome do as the Romans (or butt out of Rome).

What is scary is these accounts of "everything was going fine but suddenly the wife rans of with kids and/or money".

Back to the OP question, I think that if a woman marries legally, then her "mss" (unmarried) status is changed to "mrs" (married). And after divorce, the title is not changed back. She is forever a "mrs", which lessens her status on the market.
Perhaps not an overriding factor, but just something that also might be behind the village only request.

Fact is the village-only request sounds suspicious, IMHO normally a woman would want legal marriage to tie her farang down. Since the OP first post is old it would be interesting to hear if he has found out the reason for the request now.