Consolidated Joke Thread

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » November 26, 2017, 5:42 pm

If women are so perfect at multi-tasking, how come they can’t have a headache and s*x at the same time?

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » November 27, 2017, 1:56 am

Electricity is a wonderful thing. Do you realise that of we didn’t have electricity we’d be watching television by candle light?

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » November 27, 2017, 1:25 pm

Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex.

I woke up this morning with a huge correction.

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » November 27, 2017, 3:15 pm

Mick and Paddy were on a plane.

Halfway through the flight, Mick said, 'If this plane were to turn upside down, do you think we'd fall out?'

Paddy replies, 'Not at all, we'd still be mates'.

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » November 29, 2017, 1:15 am

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his
boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip,
the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it
opened its mouth to swallow both.
As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, "Oh, my God!
Please help me!"
At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the
atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the
clouds, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!"
"Come on God, give me a break!!" the man pleaded. "Two minutes
ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » November 29, 2017, 9:12 pm

Thought I would share with you what happened this morning.............................
Good deed done for the day - in the queue at Tesco express this morning there was a little old lady in front of me, she had £27 of shopping but her card got declined!
I was feeling generous, especially at this time of year...........
after all, that is someones gran................
so I helped her put it all back on the shelves...
every little helps

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