Consolidated Joke Thread

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vidmaster
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by vidmaster » May 10, 2018, 1:16 pm

Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their
soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall. As yet, the store wasn't ready,
with only a few shelves and display racks set up.

One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some senior is going
to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."

Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to
the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in a
loud voice asked, "What are you selling here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You must be doing well. Only
two left."

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by vidmaster » May 11, 2018, 12:15 am

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick, and he had a half empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple of minutes later, he asked the priest, "Father, what causes arthritis"? "Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man." "Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper. The priest, thinking about what he said, turned to the man and apologized. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have arthritis, Father, but I just read in the paper that the Pope does."

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by tinpeeba » May 11, 2018, 2:33 am

The Duchess returned to the Manor one evening and encountered her butler in her boudoir. She looked the butler straight in the eye and said:
“James, take off my dress.” James took off her dress.
“James, take off my petticoat.” James took off her petticoat.
“James, take off my bra.” James took off her bra.
“James, take off my panties.” James took off her panties. The Duchess turned, faced her butler again and in a soft but firm voice said:
“Now then, James, never let me catch you wearing my clothes again.”

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by vidmaster » May 13, 2018, 4:05 am

A woman had a son but he only had a head,
he said to his mom I wish I had a body so I could play football with my friends. "His mother replied I will wish for it and you never know"
The next morning he ran down the stairs and said "mom I now have a body and head but wish I had arms".
To which his mother repeated what she said the day before. Next morning the little boy ran down the stairs and he said "mom I only need legs and I can play football".
Next morning he ran down the stairs out the front door and bang,he was knocked over by a bus and died.
The moral of this story is quit whilst you're a head.😩😳🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » May 13, 2018, 12:31 pm

DWXz7abU8AAXDzF.jpg

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » May 15, 2018, 6:02 pm

555 !! Is Right Laaaddd,Is RIGHT......
DdEQaBOX0AEZOeE.jpg

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » May 17, 2018, 7:34 pm

Can't Win The Premiership Themselves So Lets go & celebrate someone else's.....
32579355_1750533034983584_3708126479620505600_n.jpg

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » May 17, 2018, 7:36 pm

Spot The Mistake ??
DdVZMqOW0AAsFWE.jpg

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » May 17, 2018, 7:38 pm

And Another One.....From the Deludes....
DdVZMqKWAAIfhGS.jpg
Zoom In on the DATE...

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by UdonExpat » May 31, 2018, 9:53 am

Why did the coffee file a police report?

It got mugged.

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by vidmaster » June 2, 2018, 10:51 am

I went to see my doctor today as he had some results from my last visit , he said sit down i have good news and i have bad news , so i said ok whats the good news , he said you have 24 hours to live , i said wow ok but whats the bad news and he said well i should have told you yesterday .

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » June 2, 2018, 11:36 am

Deoa3ivXUAAY6GM.jpg

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » June 2, 2018, 7:17 pm

Since my wife left, I've bought a motorcycle, drugs and am currently in bed with two prostitutes.

She's going to be pissed off when she comes home from work.

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » June 2, 2018, 9:26 pm

One For Dezzer & The Other Deludes !!!
DesBT8WW0AA3rTC.jpg

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by dezzer111 » June 2, 2018, 9:59 pm

747man wrote:
June 2, 2018, 9:26 pm
One For Dezzer & The Other Deludes !!!DesBT8WW0AA3rTC.jpg
Very Droll mate can you remind me when to laugh :-k
"You'll Never Walk Alone"L.F.C.

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