Relationship with Udon Thani Guy

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fatbob
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Post by fatbob » January 23, 2012, 5:15 pm

Do unto others as you would have them do to you, or in my terms 'treat others as you like to be treated', thats about as religious as I need to be. After reading your post Semper the hairs on my neck stood up, mate your one frightening individual, any relationship has to be worked at, give and take as they say, anyway as Dave Allen used to say 'May your God go with you'!



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Post by lepidoptra » January 23, 2012, 5:33 pm

coxo wrote:Dave Allen used to say 'May your God go with you'!
C'mon Coxo in this case Dave Allen would have said "Bring in the men in white coats"

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Post by Jello » January 23, 2012, 5:42 pm

chanchop wrote:He knows I have the software installed, and I told him about it when I got him the iphone as a birthday present...
A gift of a 13,000 baht phone with the caveat that I can track you anytime. Put yourself in his shoes (someone from a poor background) and think about how you would feel about that. Personally, I'd be offended by the tracking device, but I wouldn't turn down a 13,000 baht phone.
chanchop wrote:He has this strange habit, and his friends as well, to get a cheap hotel room and drink there, and this I know only coz I have been to several of such "parties"... But every time we are apart I get very insecure and wonder what he is up to, and he is patient enough with me to let me check, though he does get angry and switches off te phone sometimes...
That doesn't sound patient to me. Sounds like he puts up with it for a while then tells you how he really feels.
Thais are not direct and slow to anger.
chanchop wrote:However, the latest quarrel was the worst coz I called his parents... I couldn't understand why he kept going out at 3 or 4am! Anyways,
A really bad idea. If you really thought that it was OK to call a 30 year old mans parents to discuss his actions, then well, I don't know what to tell you.
chanchop wrote:I contributed to the car, paid the deposit of 50k baht but he is paying the installments and the "extra enhancements" himself. Ever since the car, the trips to Udon has been amazing, we have been to pattaya, roi et, Khon kaen, Nong balumphu, korat, just to name a few places. He also installed a hot water heater and a shower so I could sleep at his place, together with a sit down toilet after he found I really have a problem with the squatting toilets.
I think you said before he lives with his parents and sister? If so, remember Thais like modern conveniences too. Don't fool yourself into thinking these things were bought solely for you. However your visits probably prompted them to buy these things that they will use on a daily basis.
chanchop wrote:These days, he is paying for me when I am in Thailand, or we would share sometimes when the bill is larger. Things has improved, but we are still learning about each other and getting used to the dramatically different culture. Singapore has very British roots that is extremely entrenched in our society, and we are a lot more meritocratic than Thailand with very western, outspoken views. I hate it when he lies, and this is something I don't do, not yet at least. If he persists in telling his white lies that he feels are harmless, I will have to learn to tell them to, coz if you can't beat them, join them...
The white lie is a very Thai thing. He doesn't see it as bad the way we might. He sees it as saving you from any bad feelings. He probably assumes you do the same. Stick to your principles of being truthful and encourage him to do likewise. Just realize that that's against his way of dealing with things.
chanchop wrote:Well, will just see what happens and I am not going to ask him about the hotel again coz I don't have conclusive evidence that he was really there, coz I saw it in the afternoon when he switched his phone back on, but he could be anywhere else before that and also, the red dot appeared again right after, which could mean his phone picked up the free wifi there or the 3G signal for Dtac is stronger there.
This kind of thinking will only make you feel more insecure. Forget about it. Be secure by believing in yourself and that he's lucky to have you. When your not here, let him lead his life as he sees fit. When your here (or he's in your country) then its a different story.
chanchop wrote:I am insecure because I am unable to converse fully in Thai, though most common words are familiar now, but philosophical discussions still need the dictionary's help


If your having philosophical discussions with him then I envy you. I don't personally know any Thais that care to think to deeply about things.
chanchop wrote:and there is still very little sex like once a month or even less. He is affectionate like holds hands, kisses my forehead or lips and cooks for me when he visits in singapore, but this is really something I am not used to, this abstinence.
Have you talked to him about it? If he's not meeting your needs maybe you should start a casual relationship in Singapore. After all, your not married to him
chanchop wrote:He is also deeply religious and I am not allowed to touch his right hand now, coz he implanted some beads under his arm. It is a very different culture since I am Christian, and he also doesn't quite like me to touch his head.
Is he Buddhist? I've never heard of the beads in the arm thing. Do you know what the religious significance of this is?
If you don't know anything about Buddhism, pick up a book on basic Buddhist beliefs. It will give you some insight into Thai culture and the way they think. A good one is "What the Buddha taught".
chanchop wrote:One day I would probably write a novel about our story, but que sera sera for now, I love his company, I am happy with him and I guess we would see what else develops later.
That's actually a very good idea. Plenty of books out there written by men about Thai women. A women's view of Thai men would be something new.


Let me say these are just my opinions. I don't know you or your boyfriend, this is just based on what you've posted.
I do believe that people often beat themselves up worrying what the other person is doing in a long distance relationship and if you want to keep your sanity, you need to develop a different view of what the relationship should be. You have no control over what he does when he is not with you so don't worry about it. Concern yourself with how he is when your together.

I'm sure I get some flack for this comment but what I see with some Thais is they believe that what I don't see/hear/know about doesn't affect me. And it's often true, if you chose to live you life like that.
8)

Update:
chanchop wrote:Yes he does, as a singer in singapore, and he makes pretty good $ too... About 10k - 12k sgd a month. However, I have asked him to stop working, as I am really uncomfortable with so many women growing money at him to go out with them etc. so he agreed a few months ago, and is now preparing to open a shop in udon town since rental is only 5-7k baht a month. Clothing prices range from 80-280 baht and that seems like a pretty good venture with low risk, so I would be sharing the cost of setting up this biz. He is still doing some research on buying pattern, but likely we will do a online store with a real store at udtown where people can pick up their clothes / buy as a walk in.
Wait a minute, 10k - 12k sgd a month? That's average 272,000 baht a month or 3,264,000 baht per year if he works all year, and you talked him into giving that up to sell cloths at the market?? Well if this post isn't total BS then my advice to HIM is to drop you like a bad habit!
:lol:
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Aardvark
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Post by Aardvark » January 23, 2012, 5:53 pm

I think he's Gay 8)

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harmonyudon
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Post by harmonyudon » January 23, 2012, 7:28 pm

Are you all jelous or what??

If ChonChop is happy with her relationship, let her??????

Goodluck again ChonChop??

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Post by trubrit » January 23, 2012, 7:54 pm

semperfiguy wrote:For those of you who despise so called "religious overtones", how about some good old fashion secular wisdom for success!
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Post by Laan Yaa Mo » January 23, 2012, 7:56 pm

The toughest people to 'brainwash' are dedicated Communists, fundamentalist Christians and aristocrats because these people believe they are right.
You only pass through this life once, you don't come back for an encore.

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semperfiguy
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Post by semperfiguy » January 23, 2012, 8:39 pm

trubrit wrote:
semperfiguy wrote:For those of you who despise so called "religious overtones", how about some good old fashion secular wisdom for success!
3988623385_4442e2c630.jpg
You're funny trubrit! I've missed hearing from you. I was wondering when you were going to get in on this. You know...there was a time when God spoke directly to the people after HE gave Moses the 10 Commandments on Mount Sinai. The following is their reaction from The Book of Exodus, Chapter 20:

18 When the people heard the thunder and the loud blast of the horn, and when they saw the lightning and the smoke billowing from the mountain, they stood at a distance, trembling with fear. 19 And they said to Moses, "You tell us what God says, and we will listen. But don't let God speak directly to us. If he does, we will die!" 20 "Don't be afraid," Moses said, "for God has come in this way to show you his awesome power. From now on, let your fear of him keep you from sinning!" 21 As the people stood in the distance, Moses entered into the deep darkness where God was. 22 And the LORD said to Moses, "Say this to the people of Israel: You are witnesses that I have spoken to you from heaven.


I'd say that would be our same reaction today if God spoke directly to us, so be glad that it's only us humans expounding on the Word of God for the time being. In due season we will all have our chance to hear HIS voice one on one, and I'd say there won't be a single critic in the crowd!
Colossians 2:8-10...See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, which are based on human tradition and the spiritual forces of the world rather than on Christ. For in HIM dwells all the fullness of the GODHEAD bodily; and you are complete in HIM, who is the head of all principality and power.

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Post by BobHelm » January 23, 2012, 8:55 pm

& yet less than 2,000 years after that the son of god lived on earth for 30 odd years & must have spoken to thousands (5,000 alone in one sitting if the loaves & fishes miracle is to believed).
Yet there is not 1 recorded incident when anyone was terrified....
Umm...sounds like rather an excuse by people to control people to me...

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Post by semperfiguy » January 23, 2012, 9:34 pm

BobHelm wrote:& yet less than 2,000 years after that the son of god lived on earth for 30 odd years & must have spoken to thousands (5,000 alone in one sitting if the loaves & fishes miracle is to believed).
Yet there is not 1 recorded incident when anyone was terrified....
Umm...sounds like rather an excuse by people to control people to me...
You're partially right Bob! If you owned a barn full of horses that caught on fire and you had the option to send in another horse that spoke horse language and could lead them out safely, I'd say that's the option you would go with. Jesus is the God Man...100% God and 100% human! A hard concept to grasp, but nonetheless true. It was all part of the Father's plan to send a human to communicate HIS message of reconciliation in terms that we could all understand. Jesus was accepted by few, despised and rejected by most and the High Priests and many in the Jewish community were terrified of Him because they were afraid that Jesus would upset the status quo and their high standing within the community. It's no different today. If someone walks and talks like Jesus, the world calls them a frightening individual and a lunatic and is ready to nail them to a cross.

In my previous post I was referring particularly to hearing the voice of God the Father. I'll never forget the words on a billboard sign near my home in Tennessee. It said "DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE...GOD"!
Colossians 2:8-10...See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, which are based on human tradition and the spiritual forces of the world rather than on Christ. For in HIM dwells all the fullness of the GODHEAD bodily; and you are complete in HIM, who is the head of all principality and power.

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Post by BobHelm » January 23, 2012, 9:44 pm

semperfiguy wrote: Jesus was accepted by few, despised and rejected by most and the High Priests and many in the Jewish community were terrified of Him because they were afraid that Jesus would upset the status quo and their high standing within the community. It's no different today. If someone walks and talks like Jesus, the world calls them a frightening individual and a lunatic and is ready to nail them to a cross.
Then you are saying that the Church leaders today are as corrupt & out of touch with God's teachings as they were when Jesus was on Earth??
semperfiguy wrote:I'll never forget the words on a billboard sign near my home in Tennessee. It said "DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE...GOD"!
If true, given the evil that exists in the world & happens every day & goes unpunished I would suggest that it is difficult to imagine just what would actually wake God up for long enough to go anywhere.

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Post by semperfiguy » January 23, 2012, 10:14 pm

BobHelm wrote:
semperfiguy wrote: Jesus was accepted by few, despised and rejected by most and the High Priests and many in the Jewish community were terrified of Him because they were afraid that Jesus would upset the status quo and their high standing within the community. It's no different today. If someone walks and talks like Jesus, the world calls them a frightening individual and a lunatic and is ready to nail them to a cross.
Then you are saying that the Church leaders today are as corrupt & out of touch with God's teachings as they were when Jesus was on Earth??

That wasn't exactly my point Bob, but by golly I think you're on to something here. I'd say you're 100% correct if you are referring to a certain specific Church/s which I will not name. That's a topic that I won't be addressing on this forum.
Colossians 2:8-10...See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, which are based on human tradition and the spiritual forces of the world rather than on Christ. For in HIM dwells all the fullness of the GODHEAD bodily; and you are complete in HIM, who is the head of all principality and power.

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Post by Jello » January 24, 2012, 7:24 am

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UFF DA!

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Post by trubrit » January 24, 2012, 7:26 am

semperfiguy wrote: That's a topic that I won't be addressing on this forum.
Thank god, with a small g, for that anyway.
Semper, don't you realise you are no better or worse than the Thai people with their, what we consider to be , weird obsessions, erecting a house to pacify the spirit whose land they now occupy, tying ribbons round trees to the soul living in them and a thousand other strange happenings.All of which are unusual to say the least in our western eyes.We just laugh generally and accept that it's because they are a simple people who don't know better, but we accept it because it's what they believe , what they have inherited from generations past. Who knows they may even be right. Normally it doesn't annoy us because they don't try and convert us to their belief . We can observe and form our own conclusions from our own free will . You however are apparently from the replies annoying, dare I say even angering, some members who for the most part have their own beliefs, or maybe none, but don't attempt to push them on others on this , a non secular forum. You seem possessed, you would say by your God, some might think the devil. Your mind is so controlled you are unable to answer the simplest question in words of your own but quote from a book said to have been written 2,000 years ago, by whom is not proven, but is open to considerable doubt, in which most of us, not only don't believe, but openly derise. I am not knocking your faith, just simply saying keep it to yourself and those that share it with you. It doesn't belong on the forum .You are one of my favourite contributors on many subjects and I enjoy reading them so don't suggest I make you a forum foe, because then I would miss them. Far simpler for you to keep, what are after all, private thoughts on religion, well private. Or save them for the pulpit. You will get a lot more respect than the ridicule which you are presently generating .
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Post by rct » January 24, 2012, 8:03 am

May discussion on this topic get back to and stay on Chan Chop and her Udon Thani Guy?

In other words, suggest those who are so interested in religion, move your debate to another thread.

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Post by Dudde » January 24, 2012, 8:34 am

Chan Chop, as you said it's pretty common for the guys to rent a cheap room for a night's party. The guys in our village, ofcourse accompanied by girls do it all the time.

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Post by fatbob » January 24, 2012, 9:50 am

Yeah those hotels you pay by the hour, they have those handy curtains at the carpark to keep your car clean.

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Post by trubrit » January 24, 2012, 10:11 am

coxo wrote:Yeah those hotels you pay by the hour, they have those handy curtains at the carpark to keep your car clean.
Now come on guys, stop baiting or teasing the poor lass. I think we all know what is going on and in her heart so does she, so lets let it rest, we've nearly all been there and got the T shirt. It bloody hurts but did we listen? No. Of course we didn't. You have got as much chance of changing her feelings as you have Semper's . :-"
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Post by lepidoptra » January 24, 2012, 10:20 am

rct wrote:In other words, suggest those who are so interested in religion, move your debate to another thread.
Good suggestion so I've done it but I doubt if it will stop certain members trying to force their beliefs on other members.
[-X

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Post by Jello » January 24, 2012, 11:54 am

Jello wrote:
chanchop wrote:He is also deeply religious and I am not allowed to touch his right hand now, coz he implanted some beads under his arm. It is a very different culture since I am Christian, and he also doesn't quite like me to touch his head.
Is he Buddhist? I've never heard of the beads in the arm thing. Do you know what the religious significance of this is?
If you don't know anything about Buddhism, pick up a book on basic Buddhist beliefs. It will give you some insight into Thai culture and the way they think. A good one is "What the Buddha taught".
My wife said the bead implants are a custom in Cambodia and the Surin Province. Is he from that area?
The implants give the wearer protection, just like the Buddhist tattoos and amulets.

It's a social norm in Thailand that touching someone on the head is considered rude. I'm sure you can find other places to touch him. ;)
8)
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