I was walking down the street a few days ago I happened upon my good friend Pete. I waved him over and told him I had the craziest dream the other night. Pete listened as I told him that the dream consisted of just one thing. A huge, bright, number -5-. It was made of gold and shined like the sun. P...

A Hell of a Day I was sitting there at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" He says menacingly, as I burst into tears. "This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a co...

The human body has 7 trillion nerves. My wife manages to get on every bloody one of them! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Knock knock. Who's there? "Doorbell repair man" ------------------------------------------...

Herb and Charlie, two Government maintenance guys, were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole", said Herb, "But we don't have a ladder." The woman said, "Hand me that wrench out of your too...

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes." WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now...

There is a lady neurologist, has a clinic opposite the bus station, about a hundred yards from Fuzzy Kens new premises (same side of the road). I used to suffer with nerves a bit and she put me on tablets which do the trick. I think she also works at AEK hospital. Trust this helps

The doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. 'You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove t...

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back. Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy. Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. "Blowthat" says Mick, “have you seen how many of their owne...

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on their holidays They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses. The next morn...

I have got them from Boots in the central plaza

A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a ...

Absolutely Priceless. Brilliant Beijing Hotel Brochure - Translated as only they (and online translations)can. A friend went to Beijing and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious. She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed. Obviously, it has been translated directly,...

> Allegedly, these are sentences exactly as typed by medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow: > > > 1. The patient has no previous history of suicide. > > 2. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling better. > > 3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably in...

Raining just now in Nonsung , and we had heavy rain yesterday night after midnight

A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks for?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone who has ever been on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock mov...

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike Behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies "There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just. Give it a urine sample and the computer will te...

*Stay Off Your Bicycle* *My wife Andrea found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wa...

During a lull between the speeches at the recent presidential swearing-in ceremony, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with the Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson. "You know, I bought Donald a parrot for Christmas. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to pronounce over two hundred word...

Life is all about your perspective they say. See what you think about that after reading this little story Subject: The Unhappy Golfer.......... A man lost an arm when his golf cart rolled over on him on a down slope. He became very depressed because he loved to play golf. One day in his despair, he...

Paddy had been drinking at his local pub all day and most of the night, celebrating St Patrick’s Day. Mick, the bartender says, ‘You’ll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy’. Paddy replies, ‘OK Mick, I’ll be on my way then’. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face....