how not to win a thai lovely

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wayneor0
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Re: how not to win a thai lovely

Post by wayneor0 » February 27, 2011, 5:16 am

tamada wrote:
wayneor0 wrote:guys shop is easy to find its on a busy rd .in the middle of town there is a big market opp that is a 7 eleven thats the road we r on char lee st just come up rd few blocks we on right.or ring for directions cheers wayne 0879467662
Yo! Pimp daddy!
tamada that is an uncalled for coment.if u had read all the posts u would no there is no pimping from our shop.our two girls have turned down big money to stay with us because we do not allow.there r no bar fines as the girls are not allowed to date anyone but young thai men .we r like parents to them and take care of them accordingly.we r a family shop that has to sell booze to keep the doors open .if the day ever comes and we dont need to ,the booze will be out the door .please before u open your big mouth again know the truth about what u are commenting on.



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grozza
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Re: how not to win a thai lovely

Post by grozza » February 27, 2011, 7:55 am

How much BAGGAGES is she carrying<>Kids, sick mom/dad<>Gamble debt, Hmmmmmm!! BeWARE all
dont know who this comment is directed at but my wife had no kids when she met me we have 2 of our own now,and mum and dad are still working and supporting themselves. \:D/

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trubrit
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Re: how not to win a thai lovely

Post by trubrit » February 27, 2011, 8:21 am

DermotC wrote:Colin, Grozza and myself seem to be the only ones who get it. I didnt pay Sin Sod, neither did Grozza and Colin being a self confessed Cheap Charlie (No offence Colin), well i doubt he did either!

God Damn it, as far as Im concerned I should have been paid as Im the one whos giving her a better life, where the hell is my cash?????????????? =D> =D> =D>
You actually seem proud that you saved yourself a few bob by not paying sinsod. I wonder how your wife felt, has she ever discussed with you her parents reactions? I am sure they will have had many doubts about your suitability as their look koi, which will have come to the fore when their daughter told them you weren't paying one . I wonder what they told the rest of the family, their neighbours and all and sundry that her new husband was , lets face it , a cheap charlie, because that's what everyone would have been saying .How is your relationship with them now? Maybe the parents saved their face by putting their own money and gold on show at the reception, pretending that it was your donation . I have seen that often enough with both Thai and Farang suitors . Did you really consider the implications of taking a Thai bride away from her family without conforming to long established social norms? So many things that could have been avoided with a little thought and at such little cost. I am sure if you really couldn't have afforded to pay sinsod they would have negotiated its return after the ceremony. This would have given them and you the face in the eye of the guests expected on these occasions and everyone , especially your wife I suspect, would have been happier, but to be proud of not paying? Please don't take this as a personal attack, its not. I am just putting into perspective the view from the other side of the fence , and is addressed to all that express their clever manliness in not paying a sinsod .
Ageing is a privilige denied to many .

wayneor0
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Re: how not to win a thai lovely

Post by wayneor0 » February 27, 2011, 8:32 am

this might help understand what happens here.few mths back we had mature thai woman bring different men to our shop.i find out she hooker.i tell wife i ban her.wife say so u think she bad woman.she have 2 babies 1 handicapped she must take care of .no husband no job.no she good woman good mother .shut your mouth.now after understanding more i feel pretty bad about having tried to impose my western values against the needs of a thai mother

rayc1965
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Re: how not to win a thai lovely

Post by rayc1965 » February 27, 2011, 8:46 am

Hope you at least got her a ring DermotC

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grozza
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Re: how not to win a thai lovely

Post by grozza » February 27, 2011, 9:25 am

firstly we were married in australia dont know if that makes a difference or not,secondly i dont know of many parents whos daughter married a farang who had the chance to visit there daughter in her new place of residence (ie australia)from what the wife said there were plenty of people in the village telling inlaws how lucky there were to have me as a son inlaw. :-"
this might help understand what happens here.few mths back we had mature thai woman bring different men to our shop.i find out she hooker.i tell wife i ban her.wife say so u think she bad woman.she have 2 babies 1 handicapped she must take care of .no husband no job.no she good woman good mother .shut your mouth.now after understanding more i feel pretty bad about having tried to impose my western values against the needs of a thai mother
wayneor0
why would you want to ban someone in the first place, does it matter if she is a hooker car salesman or a policeman as long as shes there to buy something in your shop,was she plying her trade in your shop?how would you feel if someone banned you from somewhere because you make pizzas,as someone said in a earlier post anther wtf moment. :evil:

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drillpig
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Re: how not to win a thai lovely

Post by drillpig » February 27, 2011, 9:27 am

BarnicaleBob wrote:
trubrit wrote:
DermotC wrote:[;;;;I



noticed nobody commented on the above, maybe I just made way too much sense?
Obviously I can't speak for the other step fathers but for myself the reason I didn't respond was simply, it wasn't relevant.
I married an English girl of the same age as myself in the traditional way for an English couple. thats not we were talking about. Its a completely different ball game marrying someone from a different culture who is from a different generation, with totally different values forced on her by a totally different set of financial circumstances . Notice the word different? It keeps cropping up in all aspects of life if you want a relationship with, not just a Thai lady, but any Asian woman .We are the oddballs not them.We are the ones that have these rosy ideas about love and romance, not them. They are far more practical than us, they have to be or they starve. We don't even know what it feels like to be hungry. So when they love, it isn't in a Mills & Boon romantic novel way, its far more practical . They show it by tender care and concern. By the respect they show for a good husband .Now isn't that what we love about them ? When did a farang wife last show you respect? Never if the stories I read on here are typical . So lets stop whinging about paying sinsod, its part of the custom they are used to, its normally less than you would pay for a second hand car anyway. :lol:
This reminds me of the guy having taken a girl from a bar saying the next morning when she asked for money. why you want money , you said you loved me ! :lol:
Trubrit, I see at least you understand what it is like to have a young adult, all Thai stepdaughter. She is Thai and thinks Thai as this is Thailand. Her mother also is the same so I am of the opinion that we farangs are the guests here in Thailand and have no right to change their culture. I don't think some of the other posters here knows what it feels like to be in this position. I do want my stepdaughter to find a good husband as I would if she were my own. By having a list of standards for any possible husband neither she, her mother nor I are picking a husband for her. We are only weeding out the less than desirable ones. She will make the final choice based upon her heart and the love she will feel for the man.
sorry mate but its the thais that change their culture to suit us farang, go and ask any thai man ( outside of your wifes family of course) how much sin sod you should pay for a woman who has been married or has children to another man,
the answer you get will be zero baht or more likely he will ask why you want to marry a divorced single mother as very few thai men would even think of doing this. Thais laugh at all these farang who pay to take on responsibility for other mens children and ex wives. There were a few mentions of sin sod when I married my wife, I just ignored it until it went away and I will do the same when it comes to my stepsons turn to get married.

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DermotC
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Re: how not to win a thai lovely

Post by DermotC » February 27, 2011, 11:07 am

TB, Yes im very proud of the fact that I didnt pay SinSod. My Mrs didnt weant me to pay it either. She said to me 'Better we keep the money for our lives'. Happy days. I have a great relationship with her mother and her family and her father and his family. Never any problems and they never ask me for a cent. They aint stupid and know Im not a rich man. The very odd time when something breaks like a TV or a washing Machine I buy that for them, thats the extent of it. Ive no idea if this makes a difference or not but the Village my wife comes from is all protestant, including my Mrs of course. Ive also explained to them that they are on the wrong track there and they all should convert to be a true Christian, A Catholic!!!!!!!

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grozza
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Re: how not to win a thai lovely

Post by grozza » February 27, 2011, 11:14 am

now now dermot lets not bring religion into it please! [-X

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DermotC
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Re: how not to win a thai lovely

Post by DermotC » February 27, 2011, 11:17 am

Lol, Im just poking a little fun, things were getting a little serious

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Frans
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Re: how not to win a thai lovely

Post by Frans » February 27, 2011, 4:44 pm

Possible Thai man only pay sinsod to the family, When the future bride is still a virgin? :-"

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DermotC
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Re: how not to win a thai lovely

Post by DermotC » February 27, 2011, 4:45 pm

By the way, in my country its customary for the Brides parents to pay for the wedding.....I wonder could I get that money back off the thai parents....I dont think so. My point is that while we have to respect thai culture, they bloody well better respect mine, no bloody Sin Sod, end of!

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hangsaboot
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Re: how not to win a thai lovely

Post by hangsaboot » February 27, 2011, 5:17 pm

wayneor0 wrote:this might help understand what happens here.few mths back we had mature thai woman bring different men to our shop.i find out she hooker.i tell wife i ban her.wife say so u think she bad woman.she have 2 babies 1 handicapped she must take care of .no husband no job.no she good woman good mother .shut your mouth.now after understanding more i feel pretty bad about having tried to impose my western values against the needs of a thai mother
and so you should feel pretty bad , with your self ,

cos you believe what thais tell you , i was like that, once upon a time.
out here , seeing is believing . a different ball game to back home. :-k

ps , every err,, lady,, prostitute that works , in or out of the bars ,
has a sob sorry to tell , if you choose to believe , up to you .

look forward to tasting your pizzas ,
LOL :D

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Shado
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Re: how not to win a thai lovely

Post by Shado » February 27, 2011, 6:43 pm

Frans wrote:Possible Thai man only pay sinsod to the family, When the future bride is still a virgin? :-"

Thai men will pay sin sod to the brides family even if she is divorced and has a child. It all depends on circumstances and future considerations. If a Thai man sees an opportunity to "marry up" and the lady wants to marry the man then sin sod is willingly paid by the potential groom. This often happens when the woman comes from a well to do or influential family and the man has a lower class status. After a failed marriage that was probably instigated by the woman's family in the first place, she might renew an old relationship with a local man or find someone she really loves and the family will go along with this, if the man can pay sin sod.

The potential groom, seeing the chance to improve his social standing and perhaps future inheritance will find a way to come up with the money. In this case the sin sod is a small investment compared to the potential for a better job, more respect, better opportunities and perhaps a slice of the family fortune at some later date.

There is never a clear picture why Thais do what they do. Each example is usually spurred by a different set of circumstances and even other Thais are not privy to the full story. Suffice to say that Thai men will and do pay sin sod when marrying women that are divorced or have children. It is not all that unusual.

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Re: how not to win a thai lovely

Post by jackspratt » February 27, 2011, 8:00 pm

Thank you Shado, for casting some facts into the ponds of ignorance that pop up here on the subject of sin sodt. =D>

Your explanation is the same as I have heard and witnessed previously.

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Welshboy
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Re: how not to win a thai lovely

Post by Welshboy » February 27, 2011, 8:10 pm

Hi Shado.

I found what you said interesting.
So i would like to ask you 2 questions, if i may.

1. If a Thai man is willing to pay sin sod for a divorced woman, to inprove his class status.
Then is a Thai woman that marries a farang man, lowering her class status

2. If a divorced Thai woman is inproving her class status by marrying a farang.
Then why should a farang pay sin sod ?

Colin.
PS. Dermott is mistaken. I am not married.

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Shado
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Re: how not to win a thai lovely

Post by Shado » February 27, 2011, 8:35 pm

Welshboy wrote:

1. If a Thai man is willing to pay sin sod for a divorced woman, to inprove his class status.
Then is a Thai woman that marries a farang man, lowering her class status

Sorry, can't answer that because Thai women differ just as farang men do. On balance, I would say that families of Thai women married to farangs benefit to some degree as they may be able to have/own things that they might otherwise never be able to afford. This may elevate their status in a village setting. In some circles, mostly Sino-Thai, marrying a farang may certainly be seen as lowering their class status.

2. If a Thai woman is inproving her class status by marrying a farang.
Then why should a farang pay sin sod ?

As they say, "up to you". If a farang has strong negative feelings about paying sin sod, then by all means, he should follow his convictions and not pay. We farangs probably do not (cannot) appreciate the intricate workings of the Thai social acceptance system. I belive we try to simplify it by just taking a pro or con stance. Each situation is a bit different regarding the desires of the woman (or family) and the financial where-with-all of the farang. If you can afford to pay and you are comfortable with it then do what works best for you.

I'm no expert on this or any Thai subject. I do not have much in the way of answers. I can only draw from my personal experiences while living in Thailand. In no way do I pretend to know what Thai people think or what farangs should do.

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parrot
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Re: how not to win a thai lovely

Post by parrot » February 27, 2011, 9:27 pm

6 pages of dribble and not a single mention of the word 'diamond'. Our daughter lives in the US......who she marries is up to her, but I'd be willing to be she won't be saying 'I do' until her finger is weighted down with a sizeable rock.

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DermotC
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Re: how not to win a thai lovely

Post by DermotC » February 27, 2011, 9:33 pm

Nice to see you brought her up to be so materialistic then!

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Frankie 1
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Re: how not to win a thai lovely

Post by Frankie 1 » February 27, 2011, 9:41 pm

As has been said many times before, most Farang are badly informed or mis-informed.

Sin sod is first and foremost a show of wealth, status, 'face' and respect. Yes, a show of it.

Important part of the wedding ceremony is the publicly counting of the cash, so everybody can see.

That's all it is, you show your wealth in cash, often borrowed from the bank, and after the ceremony the cash will return to the bank.

Only part of the sin sod is actually given to the parents of the bride, and they will use it as a gift back to the couple, sometimes in the form of purchased land or furniture for their new house.

The wedding ceremony will traditionally be organised and paid by the parents, the parents are also the ones to invite the guests. Part of the sin sod is therefore used by the parents to cover the expenses of the wedding party.

Highth of status, important job, the girl being a virgin, important place in society, etcetera, will determine the highth of the sin sod.

Poor people, people with low status, divorced, low status job, bar girl, etcetera, means no sin sod at all.


Nowadays badly informed Farang mess up the sistem of sin sod, because they pay too much, don't understand the system of status, face and respect, and pay enormous sin sod amounts for divorced bargirls, while her parents don't give any of the money back to the couple.

This generates high inflation rates. For instance, if there is some bargirl from a poor family living in your girlfriend's village who received two million baht sin sod from some (stupid) farang, then what amount do you have to come up with if your girlfriend is higher class from a good family. Surely it would mean a loss of face if your girlfriend would get less sin sod than the bargirl from the same village got.

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