New Member, Asking for Advice

Post by **Alagrl** » September 15, 2005, 3:13 am

A very informational site -- well done!

My husband and I will be traveling to Udon Thani in November for his son's traditional Thai wedding (ex-wife is Thai, bride-to-be is the daughter of Thai family friends). The fiancee' visa is in order for her to return for a civil ceremony here in the US. I am attempting to get a handle on how much of the upcoming arrangements are based on cultural differences and expectations, so here are a few questions...

1. Any advice on being the second (falang and very blond) wife at a Thai wedding at which the falang father and ex-wife will be expected to participate together? I fully expect curiosity of the highest degree. They divorced after a marriage of 23 years and separation of 10 years. Her live-in will be on this visit. This is a second marriage for my step-son, so his mother is choosing to finance the marriage and wedding.

2. Any advice on whether to stay in the village or a hotel in the city? The ex-wife is now she's asking us to stay in the village. The bride's family does not live in the same village, so it's not a matter of socializing with the new in-laws.

I've worked extensively in Europe and Latin America and have worked in the US with Thai franchisees of our company, but this is my first visit to Thailand. I want to enjoy it and am more than willing to make allowances for the sake of peace and my stepson.

Help?

Thanks!

laphanphon · Post by **laphanphon** » September 15, 2005, 4:53 am

it's your son's day, and your husband has been there and knows what's up. it's also your time and holiday. the thai families will handle all the preparations, not really much for you to do there except watch and socialize. don't worry about the ex's expectations or eccentricities, we'll be nice. do as you want, without offending the rest of family. be proud of your marriage, and besides, the village and rest of the family already know the ex is a nut case, trust me, nothing gets past them, they just haven't told her they know she is wacked. so don't play into her game so she can save face that she probably doesn't even have. as far as staying with family or hotel, that's more a comfort level for you and husband, and less stress if you opt for hotel. enjoy the day, be yourself and let the ex worry about her face.

Post by **treehugger** » September 15, 2005, 3:31 pm

I agree with Laphanphon. Remember that you are a guest

, and behave like one. At the same time, remember that they are the hosts and you should expect them to behave as such. Stay in an hotel, enjoy the wedding and make sure that you have a good holiday.

Post by **AussieBoy** » September 15, 2005, 3:52 pm

I had a wonderfull time sleeping out back of a Thai home of a friend who got married, rough and ready no hot water 20mm thick matress, and rough cooking facitilies, Yahooo!

From and old Outback bushie, it was just like home to me, If you are not use to roughing it then better stay Hotel

Kally

Post by **businessman** » September 16, 2005, 11:07 am

I would recommend staying in a hotel personally as communial living in a Thai house takes quite a bit of getting used to.Apart from that sit back and relax.There will be hundreds of Thai helpers to do all the graft.

Post by **Alagrl** » September 17, 2005, 2:00 am

Many thanks to all -- you've confirmed much of what I suspected!

Our niece/adopted daughter (Thai) confirmed in a call from West Palm Beach that, yes indeed, the entire village knows exactly what's been going on over the years. And I thought everyone knew everyone else's business in a small Deep South town! My husband-to-be (we're being married here in Atlanta in a couple of weeks) says that 50% of the weirdness is cultural differences, while 50% is actual psychological dysfunction. I have my own family eccentrics, so I can deal with that.

At this point, we're planning on arriving on Wednesday, staying in the family compound through the wedding on Saturday, then checking into a hotel. That seems to be a reasonable compromise...the compound houses are modern, air-conditioned, good hot water, etc. and it would be fun to market and cook with everyone for a few days.

By the way, if you think that the financial dealings around sin sod are intricate...try unraveling a marriage with a Thai after 33 years via U.S. divorce proceedings...the property settlement negotiations were a trip!!

Post by **businessman** » September 17, 2005, 11:28 am

Have a great trip.

Post by **thethailife** » September 18, 2005, 7:42 am

Have a great trip. Relax, keep an open mind and "go with the flow". Enjoy.

Post by **Thai_1_On** » September 18, 2005, 11:51 am

thethailife wrote:Have a great trip. Relax, keep an open mind and "go with the flow". Enjoy.

Dave's right as I was married in Udon and the only thing I had to do was show up

You'll have a great time and be amazed by the sites just sit back and enjoy!

Post by **businessman** » September 18, 2005, 1:57 pm

Thais certainly know how to throw a party.