Consolidated Joke Thread

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jackspratt
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by jackspratt » June 7, 2021, 12:43 pm

Some of these are quite clever - but perhaps not all.

1. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.

2. What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.

3. Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.

4. Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.

5. If you're bad at haggling, you'll end up paying the price.

6. Just so everyone's clear, I'm going to put my glasses on.

7. A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.

8. I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.

9. Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.

10. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.

11. I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.

12. My friends and I have named our band 'Duvet'. It's a cover band.

13. I lost my girlfriend's audiobook, and now I'll never hear the end of it.

14. Why is 'dark' spelled with a k and not c? Because you can't see in the dark.

15. Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.

16. When I told my contractor I didn't want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.

17. Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, "Oh no, not U2 again."

18. Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it's a whole sentence.

19. Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person's walk, and the result was staggering.

20. I'm trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.

21. I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won't lie, it was a rocky road.

22. What do you say to comfort a friend who's struggling with grammar? There, their, they're.

23. I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarzenegger dolls are and he replied, "Aisle B, back."

24. What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self.

25. I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness.



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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by vidmaster » June 7, 2021, 12:51 pm

Nice
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by pipadoo » June 9, 2021, 1:01 pm

Found it
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by pipadoo » June 9, 2021, 10:06 pm

Wow!!!
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by vidmaster » June 10, 2021, 2:48 pm

What do women and police cars have in common?

They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by pipadoo » June 11, 2021, 4:43 pm

Let’s f**k up these WOKE TOSSERS
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Re: No more dick pics, OK? You've been warned!

Post by joepai » June 14, 2021, 4:19 pm

123.jpg
Does this count
I was born with nothing and still have most of it left

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Re: SMILES TIME AGAIN

Post by pipadoo » June 15, 2021, 2:39 pm

Hooray
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CONSOLIDATED JOKES AGAIN

Post by pipadoo » June 16, 2021, 4:13 pm

Let’s have some fun
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Re: CONSOLIDATED JOKES AGAIN

Post by pipadoo » June 21, 2021, 4:19 am

Ahhhhhh
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Re: CONSOLIDATED JOKES AGAIN

Post by vidmaster » June 21, 2021, 2:18 pm

Yep!!!
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Re: CONSOLIDATED JOKES AGAIN

Post by pipadoo » June 21, 2021, 9:51 pm

Touché
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Re: CONSOLIDATED JOKES AGAIN

Post by vidmaster » June 22, 2021, 3:01 pm

U da man
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by pipadoo » June 23, 2021, 10:49 am

Wow!!!
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by pipadoo » June 23, 2021, 9:49 pm

A store that sells new husbands has opened in Melbourne, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:


You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'


Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex, have money and like beer

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by pipadoo » June 24, 2021, 12:38 pm

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by pipadoo » June 25, 2021, 12:34 pm

Now we’re cooking
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by vidmaster » June 25, 2021, 12:47 pm

Right
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by pipadoo » June 26, 2021, 4:41 pm

Here we go
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by vidmaster » June 27, 2021, 11:28 am

Hi !!!!
One for the Yanks
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