Moving to and adapting to Thailand

[aznyron]

I also was chatting with Val he made a very good point UTOPIA is a place your not in or should I say your not there yet. I also want to say if it were not this forum I would not have many friends I owe it to the forum I met some wonderful people here and my wife made some wonderful friends
also by joining in with the ladies she look forward to this evening as much as I do. to get back to my post to put it mildly I was letting off some steam and reading about posters who are retiring soon and can not wait to get here I just wanted them to know this place comes with a price tag that some may not want to pay
I am rambling on so I will shut up take care I will continue to post good night every one

[laphanphon]

I was trying
to express my feeling about Thailand and trying to let those who are not here yet to stop & think about it

that's an excellent idea. reason most of us suggest renting for year or 2, or always. if relationship doesn't develop or fails, then you can think about returning to home country or elsewhere. presently not an option for me. though if i knew now, 9 years ago, i very possibly wouldn't not of come her. udon and thailand isn't for everyone, it's fine for me, i can usually adapt to any situation. the cost are just a little cheaper here, than compared to non metro usa, actually, many things here a more expensive. realizing now, usa is much cheaper to live than most western countries.

[Lee Rhodes]

what is so terrible wrong with living in your home country. If I had a loving wife in USA I would be still in the USA if my wife was a thai lady then I could see coming here and getting your feet wet. maybe I am missing some thing but I do not see the excitement of living here. it hot dirty. you can not drink the water. the people do not like you. every one is trying to scam you. the food sucks. there no decent TV programs for expats at least not for me. and the icing on the cake is for us brits & Yanks with being screwed over by exchange rate wether it realistic or a scam it still hurts. and then it the immigration ordeal every 90 days you have to check in to see the warden of the prison like being on parole checking in with your parole officer and showing him you have a job. all this for a piece of ass. Yes I am guilty of it. as I look back all I have to say is I am idiot to give up what I had for this place. Now I have a wife if I did not love her I would be gone. sadly I burned my bridges behind me I have nothing in the USA. I would be at the mercy of my Children if I went back now. my advice to Aussie & Yanks buy your self a motor home tour your country live free when the time comes you will die peaceably as for you Brits you can always go to the states and do the same Look over those Montana skies in July visit the skyline in N.Y in the spring go swimming on the Santa Monica beach CA stop in Las vegas for some wild excitement at the casino's.
there is so much to do in the States and places to visit and yes I am home sick after 5 years of this place
enough of my B/S I just thought I would wake you up from the night mare of coming here

I do not understand why anybody with such negative views of this beautiful country would live in Thailand. Cannot drink the water? Buy bottles! The people do not like you? They like me however I speak the language.. Do you? Everyone is trying to scam you? Really? Where? In all my years coming here not 1. The food sucks? I wonder why it is one of the top foods around the globe. Immigration ordeal? Never had it… We usually have a nice chat with the people in Nong Khai. My wife’s family have neighbours that work there… Maybe that has something to do with it.

It seems to me that you have an exiguous pension/social security per month but it allows you to live well here. You have a roof over your head, transport and no doubt a wife at least half your age that has surrendered her soul for financial security. You are like a foster child that is bounced from one family to another and when one finally accepts you complain about them.


I think it is time for you to give thanks for what you have and think of those less fortunate.

[rick]

Interesting comments. Ron, as one of those about to retire and itching to get there, yes, I know that the novelty will wear off; that my luck so far will probably run out and i will get scammed at some stage; water, disease etc. True. But because of you Ron, and the other old hands, I have a far, far better idea of what i am getting in to; thats why so far i have had a good ride, because i know what to look out for. And for that i am grateful and hope to do my bit too one day.

Sometimes we boast a bit, some times have a rant, criticise others. But mainly, when i read a post i disagree with, i just clench my teeth and move on, I know most people don't care about my opinions, they do not know me in the flesh; Well, hope to change the know me bit in November. I do think personal attacks are uncalled for, especially if you have never met the person (Mr Rhodes? Are you there? Yes i do mean you!). I always give the poster the benefit of the doubt, I see that Ron gets homesick sometimes, thats why he has a moan (boy, can he moan!) I hope when i see Ron, i catch him on a good day. But i would never criticise him, unless I was absolutely certain he was wrong ( and remember, our experiences are personal, what was wonderful for one could be a nightmare for another).

Personally, I have few fears of Thailand. Apart from my 2 trips to udon which went quite well, i have lived on 3 continents and in pretty rough conditions (oil rigs, mining camps, deserts and swamps). I am no Rambo and like my luxuries and the soft life, but do want something more interesting than the life i now have.

So tell me i am another lamb for the slaughter - maybe, but I hope to prove you wrong. Udonmap is a great theoretical education to thai life; just need to practice it.

[BKKSTAN]

I agree that getting outside yourself in service is an excellent idea if one is bored and frustrated,because that person is probably to focused on self,and will more than likely have those feelings in any environment.

It is easy for some personalities to become focused on selfcenteredness when they face environment and culture changes that are so abruptly different than what they are used to or their deep seated beliefs and perceptions of how things have been and should be everywhere.

The last 17 years of my life were centered around service ,both in my work and volunteer work with mentally ill and those recovering from various devastating addictions in their lives.But I was unprepared for the customs and cultural norms ,generally practiced by many Thais in relationship to falangs in Thailand!They did not fit into the long developed patterns of my former life and resentment and anger creeped into my life!

Heck,I wasn't even ready to deal with many of the Europeans that I met here,as I had no experience with them either!

The first thing that started to bother me,was the inability to form intimate friendships involving trust and loyalty with Thais and falangs.Then it was the contradictions in rhetoric and actual practice by Thailand,generally speaking,towards us falangs,even the term ''guest'' didn't fit my definition!

Americans,like myself,don't subscribe to a class system or are not used to dealing with it,unlike many from Europe and Britain.A life centered around ''face'',without reasonable honesty or polite abstention is also difficult to accept and adjust to!

Initially ,I,like most of us enjoy ther benefits of corruption in the form of counterfeited goods and inexpensive traffic fines etc. etc.and probably the most important thing was the attention of so many beautiful women for whatever reason,something that many of us had not experienced for many many years,if at all!But after awhile,these benefits can become nuisance and resented!

The adjustment from working to retirement with most of your time free and not ritualized is also difficult for many expats,again depending on your personality and work habits!

For some like myself,dependence as you get older is not always welcomed eagerly,especially if you have been used to being more of a ''control freak'' as I was and still am to a lesser degree I was 58 when I moved here and I remember getting upset at my former fiancee when she started doing everything for me that I was used to doing for myself.Some might feel like a '' individual'',I felt like I was been treated like a child,especially when I was not asked if I wanted ''help''!

My point is:everyone is a different personality,with different backgrounds and practices,therefore adjusting to the changes are different for all of us!

My only reason for ever leaving Thailand of my own accord,would be because my marriage and family life failed here and I would probably return to be near my family in the USA!I would not move to another foreign country,because ,if there is anything that I have learned in my life,it is that''wherever I go,I am always there and the only person I can really change in this World is me''!

Venting frustrations and resentments relieve emotionally stress and should not be construed as a desire to leave one place for another!

[seymourbutts]

"In all my years coming here not 1

Mr Rhodes, you are joking and what you are saying is you are the only falang in thailand that the thais like!!! The only falang in thailand that has not been scammed or ripped off!! You must be living in a fantasy world im afaraid because it is unbelieveable that you have never payed "thai price" never had a taxi not turn on his meter you know the normal things that i would guess every farang has experienced...

And its all because you speak thai???? get over yourself mate!!!

[laphanphon]

volunteer work with mentally ill and those recovering from various devastating addictions

seems you are well prepared to deal with your fellow forumites

most important thing was the attention of so many beautiful women for whatever reason,something that many of us had not experienced for many many years

speak for yourself............................

adjustment from working to retirement with most of your time free and not ritualized is also difficult for many expats

not this lazy piece of sh*t, i assimilate well

''wherever I go,I am always there and the only person I can really change in this World is me''!

been watching the 'wizard of oz' lately, 'there's no place like home', home is where the heart is.

focused on selfcenteredness

making me paranoid

[arjay]

I've created this new topic with material split off the "Posting Etiquette & Behaviour", thread, as I felt there were two distinctly separate topics in play.

The original thread "Posting Etiquette and Behaviour" still exists in the following location:

http://www.udonmap.com/udonthaniforum/p ... ml#p199330

I wanted to do this, as I felt that the material relating to forum etiquette and posting behaviour was sufficiently important and relevant to be kept clear and separate, and not lost, overwhelmed or undermined by other material or discussions.

Apologies if I've caused anyone confusion with their posts. In some instances I have actually had to split an individual's post and create another separate post with (some) text relating to the other topic. You may therefore notice that the time of an odd post or two has changed, and/or you now have two posts instead of one.

[arjay]

One of the things I found difficult in adjusting to, was the Thai behaviour of not being direct or challenging things, even politely. I often challenged prices, or pointed out that such and such an item was cheaper down the road.

Thais don't like direct or confrontational approaches, or shouting, not that the latter is my style, but I often see it around me.

As an analytical person, I do see the pluses and the minuses of things, including life here, (or indeed wherever I am).

[Treeg]

Thais don't like direct or confrontational approaches, or shouting, not that the latter is my style, but I often see it around me.

Fully agree with you.

Thailand isn't paradise, in fact nowhere in the world is paradise as far as I know (tell me if you ever find it..). Anyone moving over to here will have to adjust, and from my own experiences and from what I hear of others this usually seems to take 3-4 years. That's the time you can happily live your own dream without bothering too much with all the difficulties. After about 4 years you start noticing more and more things, understand the people better, understand a bit more of the language, and you start to see clearer. Then either you adjust and make the best of it, or you leave the country and res-start your dream somewhere else.

Personally it took me also the most time to adjust to the Thai mentality. The endless promises which never turn out the way they should ("I will come over immediately to fix it", meaning somewhere next week if ever..), the endless story's which have nothing to do with reality but everything with saving face (much better to tell a lie then to loose face), and the endless uncertainty about what someone else is really thinking, the way they will always avoid a direct confrontation (you don't say 'no', you just make the story more and more complicated until the other finally starts to understand that you don't want to do it..). I'm certainly not the shouting type of person and normally very adjustable but the absolute inefficiency and loss of time & money just because somebody needs to save face is something I think I will never ever really start to accept.

Never the less, I enjoy living here (for more then 5 years now), there's lots of good as well and once you accept the fact that this isn't paradise and accept that you just can't change some things, and learn to change the things you can, you start to enjoy the good things of living here in a more realistic way. And, at least in my experience, the fast majority of the people around here are really friendly and really try to help you in their own (sometimes weird) ways. If ever there is a problem, all our Thai friends are always ready to help, even if it's in the middle of the night, and I don't know many country's in Europe where people will so easily try to help you as they do here. Sure, there are bad apple's between the good one's, but that's life!

[rick]

No objections to split. I think so far it is only the face thing that i have had some problems with - e.g. 'I understand you' from TGF means 'I haven't the faintest what he is rattling on about, but i think he wants an answer'. No wonder we have misunderstandings with locals. Otherwise i have had some exposure to the issues before in other countries (including corruption in high places) and petty officials trying to show who is boss. Otherwise, on the safety, bad water, bad food front have had more trouble in Australia!

[BKKSTAN]

No objections to split. I think so far it is only the face thing that i have had some problems with - e.g. 'I understand you' from TGF means 'I haven't the faintest what he is rattling on about, but i think he wants an answer'. No wonder we have misunderstandings with locals. Otherwise i have had some exposure to the issues before in other countries (including corruption in high places) and petty officials trying to show who is boss. Otherwise, on the safety, bad water, bad food front have had more trouble in Australia!

Here,they don't just try to show who is boss,they accomplish it,you have no power,nor are your chances of finding any Thais to take your side of an issue!

[Lee Rhodes]

"In all my years coming here not 1

Mr Rhodes, you are joking and what you are saying is you are the only falang in thailand that the thais like!!! The only falang in thailand that has not been scammed or ripped off!! You must be living in a fantasy world im afaraid because it is unbelieveable that you have never payed "thai price" never had a taxi not turn on his meter you know the normal things that i would guess every farang has experienced...

And its all because you speak thai???? get over yourself mate!!!

Awmmmm, you appear to have reading comprenhension issues sir. Am I the only farang that is liked? I doubt it. Have I been scammed or ripped off? Probably. Certainly in my early days but to what degree? A few Baht. Double-pricing at Wat Pra Kaeow in Bangkok, so what! I am sure a lot of us in our home country have been ripped off too. A plumber that needs to replace a washer on a faucet and wants to redo your pipework. A mechanic that practically re-builds your engine on a routine check-up. In my expreience Thais are no worse than in my home country, South America, Ghana or Russia.

One of the first Thai phrases I learned here was I am not a tourist. After that you have to roll with the punches and not feel like you are a target and a victim. Smile with the locals, shrug it off and enjoy life.

[Texpat]

most of us suggest renting for year or 2, or always. if relationship doesn't develop or fails, then you can think about returning to home country or elsewhere.

I've heard this for 10 years running. It seems to assume everyone coming here is in a completely new relationship. Jumping off the pumpkin truck perfectly stupid and unaware.

What about the guy that's been married to a Thai woman for 10 years and has lived in several different countries and has spent an accumulative year or so here?

[BKKSTAN]

"laphanphon"said:
most of us suggest renting for year or 2, or always. if relationship doesn't develop or fails, then you can think about returning to home country or elsewhere.''

I've heard this for 10 years running. It seems to assume everyone coming here is in a completely new relationship. Jumping off the pumpkin truck perfectly stupid and unaware.

What about the guy that's been married to a Thai woman for 10 years and has lived in several different countries and has spent an accumulative year or so here?

What about him?It really depends on the developed relationship,whether time here was spent on ''tourist vacations''(free spending) or living here and making the adjustments.Being retired,combined with a possible decrease in income and living with the new culture can cause many consternation!

[laphanphon]

What about the guy that's been married to a Thai woman for 10 years and has lived in several different countries and has spent an accumulative year or so here?

in that case, you probably wouldn't be asking for any advice............