Consolidated Joke Thread
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,
the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to
pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament
was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
If you don't forward this you have no sense of humour.
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,
the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to
pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament
was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
If you don't forward this you have no sense of humour.
- stattointhailand
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- stattointhailand
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
What do you get when you cross the Queen and Prince Charles?
Killed in a tunnel
Killed in a tunnel
- stattointhailand
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
22% of Liverpool fans are currently in Liverpool ......... the other 78% are in various other remand centres round the country
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
Right.
I'm not sure what's gone wrong here as the Dumb and Dumber comedy routine is normally a proper hoot. But don't worry, we have plenty of chaps on UM who can assess where your joke crashed. I'm sure jack could give you some guidance and there's Statts who can advise on changing your comedy routine? Ah, don't forget Alan and his gag book, I'm sure he can help too.
Good luck!
I'm not sure what's gone wrong here as the Dumb and Dumber comedy routine is normally a proper hoot. But don't worry, we have plenty of chaps on UM who can assess where your joke crashed. I'm sure jack could give you some guidance and there's Statts who can advise on changing your comedy routine? Ah, don't forget Alan and his gag book, I'm sure he can help too.
Good luck!
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
Tefal is a Disgrace,How is he posting on This Thread, Coz he Ain't one bit Funny....Earnest wrote: ↑March 20, 2022, 8:07 pmRight.
I'm not sure what's gone wrong here as the Dumb and Dumber comedy routine is normally a proper hoot. But don't worry, we have plenty of chaps on UM who can assess where your joke crashed. I'm sure jack could give you some guidance and there's Statts who can advise on changing your comedy routine? Ah, don't forget Alan and his gag book, I'm sure he can help too.
Good luck!
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
He he he that's funny Lilac.747man wrote: ↑March 20, 2022, 9:41 pmTefal is a Disgrace,How is he posting on This Thread, Coz he Ain't one bit Funny....Earnest wrote: ↑March 20, 2022, 8:07 pmRight.
I'm not sure what's gone wrong here as the Dumb and Dumber comedy routine is normally a proper hoot. But don't worry, we have plenty of chaps on UM who can assess where your joke crashed. I'm sure jack could give you some guidance and there's Statts who can advise on changing your comedy routine? Ah, don't forget Alan and his gag book, I'm sure he can help too.
Good luck!
"You'll Never Walk Alone"L.F.C.
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
Looks like our Desiree is getting out more, no? That's now maybe four threads she's been leaving a damp spot on?747man wrote: ↑March 20, 2022, 9:41 pmTefal is a Disgrace,How is he posting on This Thread, Coz he Ain't one bit Funny....Earnest wrote: ↑March 20, 2022, 8:07 pmRight.
I'm not sure what's gone wrong here as the Dumb and Dumber comedy routine is normally a proper hoot. But don't worry, we have plenty of chaps on UM who can assess where your joke crashed. I'm sure jack could give you some guidance and there's Statts who can advise on changing your comedy routine? Ah, don't forget Alan and his gag book, I'm sure he can help too.
Good luck!
'Don't waste your words on people who deserve your silence'
~Reinhold Messner~
'You don't have to be afraid of everything you don't understand'
~Louise Perica~
~Reinhold Messner~
'You don't have to be afraid of everything you don't understand'
~Louise Perica~
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
But YOU Aren't Desiree....555 !dezzer111 wrote: ↑March 21, 2022, 1:53 amHe he he that's funny Lilac.747man wrote: ↑March 20, 2022, 9:41 pmTefal is a Disgrace,How is he posting on This Thread, Coz he Ain't one bit Funny....Earnest wrote: ↑March 20, 2022, 8:07 pmRight.
I'm not sure what's gone wrong here as the Dumb and Dumber comedy routine is normally a proper hoot. But don't worry, we have plenty of chaps on UM who can assess where your joke crashed. I'm sure jack could give you some guidance and there's Statts who can advise on changing your comedy routine? Ah, don't forget Alan and his gag book, I'm sure he can help too.
Good luck!
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
He he he the Bluenoses what a joke they are pathetic.747man wrote: ↑March 21, 2022, 4:44 pmBut YOU Aren't Desiree....555 !dezzer111 wrote: ↑March 21, 2022, 1:53 amHe he he that's funny Lilac.747man wrote: ↑March 20, 2022, 9:41 pmTefal is a Disgrace,How is he posting on This Thread, Coz he Ain't one bit Funny....Earnest wrote: ↑March 20, 2022, 8:07 pmRight.
I'm not sure what's gone wrong here as the Dumb and Dumber comedy routine is normally a proper hoot. But don't worry, we have plenty of chaps on UM who can assess where your joke crashed. I'm sure jack could give you some guidance and there's Statts who can advise on changing your comedy routine? Ah, don't forget Alan and his gag book, I'm sure he can help too.
Good luck!
"You'll Never Walk Alone"L.F.C.
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
Excellent.stattointhailand wrote: ↑March 19, 2022, 9:50 pm22% of Liverpool fans are currently in Liverpool ......... the other 78% are in various other remand centres round the country
Lock 'em up - Eastman, Giuliani, Senator Graham, Meadows and Trump
- stattointhailand
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
^ That sir, is priceless.
'Don't waste your words on people who deserve your silence'
~Reinhold Messner~
'You don't have to be afraid of everything you don't understand'
~Louise Perica~
~Reinhold Messner~
'You don't have to be afraid of everything you don't understand'
~Louise Perica~
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
This One is for You, Desiree......
Can't Find the Consolidated Jokes Thread....
But This was Too Good to Lose.....
Thanks to everyone for their concern.
First off, I'm OK though I was a bit shook up.
If you don't already know, I was robbed at Tesco's petrol station earlier this morning.
After my hands stopped trembling, I managed to call the Police.
They were quick to respond and calmed me down because my blood pressure went through the roof!
My money's gone, however.
The police asked me if I knew who did it and I told them, "Yes, it was pump number 1."
Thanks to everyone for their concern.
First off, I'm OK though I was a bit shook up.
If you don't already know, I was robbed at Tesco's petrol station earlier this morning.
After my hands stopped trembling, I managed to call the Police.
They were quick to respond and calmed me down because my blood pressure went through the roof!
My money's gone, however.
The police asked me if I knew who did it and I told them, "Yes, it was pump number 1."
- stattointhailand
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- Posts: 19114
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
A tourist
Stopped me
In Oxford
Street and
Asked the
Best way to
Selfridges ?
I told him to
Put them on
eBay!
Stopped me
In Oxford
Street and
Asked the
Best way to
Selfridges ?
I told him to
Put them on
eBay!