what can i do to change family's opinion

[sony]

Hello Everybody,

i've a problem and hope you can give me good advice like you dod in the past

i have a girlfriend for 2 years, and came many times to see her and family, i would like to marry her, and she was willing too!
but parents don't want her to marry me, because they think i will use her and take advantage of her or even sell her in my country

ofcourse that's not true

i'm 33 and she is 25 i'he never been married as her

what can i do to convince her dad and familt that i can be a good husband?

thanks a lot!

sony

[Texpat]

I'm guessing a Vigo or D-Max is what they're looking for.

Tell'em to get bent. She's an adult of 25 who can make her own decisions.

In all likelihood, it's they who are treating her like a commodity.

[sony]

but her parents just want the best for her, they even didn't talked about presents or money!
just said that he heard that many girls are abused!
and my girl is very family minded and don't want to upset father, so she decided to stay with parents and accept live like it comes and to stop our relation

[nkstan]

Hello Everybody,

i've a problem and hope you can give me good advice like you dod in the past

i have a girlfriend for 2 years, and came many times to see her and family, i would like to marry her, and she was willing too!
but parents don't want her to marry me, because they think i will use her and take advantage of her or even sell her in my country

ofcourse that's not true

i'm 33 and she is 25 i'he never been married as her

what can i do to convince her dad and familt that i can be a good husband?

thanks a lot!

sony

Number one is to find out if this is the real reason or not!Understanding that the family tie is generally very integral in Thai culture there are many possible reasons!

It is possible that they just don't want her to marry a falang as it carries alot of negative social baggage with it in the eyes of many Thais!

If I was you,assuming that I'm convinced that the girl is of good heart and mind,I would attempt to show the family that she would not be in danger from me in my country!How?I 'm not sure,but thoughts like spending more time around the family to let them get to know me better would be number one.Maybe contact numbers with your local authorities,contact numbers to Thais ,monks,a Wat in your country,assurances that there will be open communication between the wife and them to alleviate this claimed fear!

But,I am not you because the woman I married puts me ahead of the family.She had to make that choice or we wouldn't be together!I would not live a life where the family dictates,especially in Thailand!This is a question that you have to ask yourself also!

Best of luck

[trubrit]

Definitely some sort of emotional or financial blackmail going on here .If they are so fearful of your intentions, and obviously have a great deal of influence over their daughter, why have they permitted your relationship to go on for two years already? Perhaps they are enjoying the financial rewards of having a potential farang son in law on the hook , so to speak, and are reluctant to lose that grip . Maybe they are just hanging on for an improved bid(sin sod) from yourself or another suitor . Do you speak Thai? If you don't. How do you know they are saying these things? Could be just what you are being told as the lady doesn't really want to go, for whatever reason. A myriad of reasons could apply here. maybe none of the above are applicable in your case. They are just a few examples I have come across during my life in Thailand. However as Stan says. A mature woman who is prepared to give precedence to her fathers opinion, rather than her potential husbands, after already knowing him for two years, would set alarm bells ringing in my head, sufficient for me to put my running shoes on . So to answer your original question . Give up, you can't .sorry.

[Khun Paul]

Sage advice there Sony, the question you posed is insurmountable IF as you say the lady in question BOWS down to her fathers whim.
Often parents ( especially Thai) see the future all to differently from the real world, it may be they are also uneducated as to the outside world. The local Wat may offer a solution as the Monks do tend to have a more pragmatic view on life and if the girl is honest and sincers they may advise alternative actions to a relationship split.
If that fails one can only say sorry for the situation you are in is to do with culture NOT personality.

[pienmash]

Hello Everybody,

i've a problem and hope you can give me good advice like you dod in the past

i have a girlfriend for 2 years, and came many times to see her and family, i would like to marry her, and she was willing too!
but parents don't want her to marry me, because they think i will use her and take advantage of her or even sell her in my country

ofcourse that's not true

i'm 33 and she is 25 i'he never been married as her

what can i do to convince her dad and familt that i can be a good husband?

thanks a lot!

sony

As posted earlier by Tex and pretty much spot on - a nice big dowry , new truck and a lump of land (or all 3) should do the trick and im sure pops will come round to you ........ im not trying to refer that thats tantamount to selling his daughter just sounds like it ??

maybe be ive been in LOS too long , but ive seen so many freinds and aquaintances turned over and bummed by the outlaws and this is usually how it all starts ....sorry for the synisism

mash

[BobHelm]

The local Wat may offer a solution as the Monks do tend to have a more pragmatic view on life and if the girl is honest and sincers they may advise alternative actions to a relationship split.

Very true & good advice KP. Sadly, although Thais seem to often seek advice from venerated Monks, they usually only act upon it if it fits nicely in with their own original thoughts.
However possibly well worth the effort in attempting it as it does demonstrate that you understand the family concerns & are willing to try & seek a solution.

[sony]

Thanks a lot poeple for your advice,
most of you think negative about weddings, i can understand, but i really think that money is ,ot the issue!

like one of you told, maybe i can propose to stay for a while with her or parents in village, but the problem is that she works in udon.

how can i go and talk to parents to ask him if i can marry his girl?
what can i bring or do?

thanks again

[pienmash]

Sony ....... you ask what can i bring or do ? i refer you to my post 2 b4 this one ,,,,, whats the rush to marry anyway ? have a courting spell and at 33 ur just a whipper snapper ive got underpants older than you !!

[sony]

The hurry is that for the moment she took the decicion to stop our relation and stay in Udon, and accept the future!
so it means, that or i go for her or i gave to stop the relation too!

i first wanted just to let her com to the Uk and stay here for a while.
But her mother just wanted her to marry first, then i agreed to do so if it was the only possibility to go further and she was ready too.

But now we have the problems of her father and as he told her everytime she go ask to marry me that he doens't want
she took the decicion to stop relation for our best and accept whetever will come

so you see, it's compicated and thats why i want to go talk with father again and reallt don't know what more i can do!

so i hope you have some good advices

thanks

[pienmash]

sony you obviously care alot about this lass and ....... im no expert and certainly not overly qualified to hand out positive advice when it come to relationships of the Anglo Thai variety ,,, but this all sounds a bit soap operaish to me and to be blunt get ya self a new bird .. one without the cranky father - theres 000 s out there mate

[sony]

hehe, funny your reply, i don't want just a girl for what animal do!
i want some one to be like a "european" woman!

i'm a good person and so is she!
not all girls want falangs for money or falangs want thai girls to have sex and take care of them when they are to old to have a european woman!

like you say sounds a repeating story but i'm sure she like me so that's why i care so much about her and us!
and i'm willing to do a lot to help our relation

[pienmash]

what ever you decide sir , i hope it all works out . good luck .

[BobHelm]

i first wanted just to let her com to the Uk and stay here for a while.

Call me "picky & suspicious" if you like sony, but why are you mentioning her coming to the UK when you reside in Belgium??

[pienmash]

i forgot too sony ....... what job does she do in Udon ?? if she works in a salon i need a new perm

[sony]

It's getting like a police investigation!

for the moment i work in Belgium but as i am Uk citizen, i think i should ask Uk papers to marry her

so if you have more personal questions, just send mail

anyway, thanks for who is giving me advice

sony

[nkstan]

It's getting like a police investigation!

for the moment i work in Belgium but as i am Uk citizen, i think i should ask Uk papers to marry her

so if you have more personal questions, just send mail

anyway, thanks for who is giving me advice

sony

From the UK ,working in Belgium,English language skills sound kind of ESL,almost ''Thaish'', Doesn't want to answer to many questions,something smell a little fishy here!

[Banjo]

English language skills sound kind of ESL,almost ''Thaish'', Doesn't want to answer to many questions,something smell a little fishy here!

ESL is being complimentary

Me thinks Japanese .... Sony? God knows about any of the other stuff

Anyway, best wishes and good luck for the future sony ... whatever you do!

[sony]

My god, i just ask for some advice
so if you can't help me, no problem, don't answer

so if someone is willing to help me thanks a lot!
if others got nothing else to do then writing their frustration to me, well go ahead

so again thanks, for the ones who are helping

sony