Female Advice: New Thai Girlfriend/Money
Posted: March 31, 2012, 6:29 am
Hi. I could really use some advice.
I met a girl on vacation in Thailand in January.
She lives in Phuket. I met her on a dating website before I visited. We spent the week together in Phuket.
She is from a village in the north of Thailand originally. She has been in Phuket for 6 or 7 years.
She is not a bar girl. She went to school to learn about working in the restaurant and hotel industry. She used to work 7 days a week, but now less because she only was able to get two weeks off a year with her old job, and needs to visit her mother more often than that.
She gave me a book to read "Thailand Fever" after I left.
It explained the Thai culture and expectations with respect to a dowry (her family is very poor), taking care of your girlfriend...
I am 47 years old and she is 31. I don't think the age difference is too much.
My problem is probably typical of any Western guy. Of course I think that she is beautiful and am happy to have met her, but I do want to find a girl who loves me, and is not just looking for money and security. She has me genuinely convinced that she loves me, but is putting pressure to move things along. She hinted some money coming her way when we first met could really help her to live more comfortably (she has very little: I saw her tiny apartment) , but I refused. I told her that I am not making enough money now to send her some (will not go into debt to help her), and am looking for a woman who really loves me. I do anticipate a good raise in the near future and let her know maybe I could help later when I could afford it.She kept talking with me daily on the telephone and on skype. She had to go home again to see her mother recently who has cancer (she sends money home to her mother). Last night, she was crying on skype. It seems she is very stressed out about her situation. Her apartment is very small and minimal. She has a lot of stress financially with her mothers sickness, and she doesn't want to be alone anymore. She suggested that I am the one she loves, but doesn't know how long she can live the way she is. Of course I know she wants to find security and someone who loves her.
She has also had to go to see a doctor for female problems lately, and I had the impression she is feeling more stressed as she has to pay for that too. I relented and offered to pay her personal medical bills. I asked how much and it was 20000 baht for 3 visits/treatments (without getting into specifics a quick procedure/injections and maybe a prescription was necessary). I let her know that I'd have to use my line of credit to give her the money, and I didn't intend on using it again to help her. I plan on paying my debt and will only consider helping her in the future if I have the money already.Since I've met her, it's been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. I've read horror stories about men meeting girls in Phuket, and being taken for a ride (losing a lot of money). I believe her when she says that she hasn't worked as a prostitute and I believe her mother is sick. I want to trust her, but I've only known her 3 months and need to know her better before committing to the relationship. I am planning on visiting again at the end of next month, and will see how that goes before committing completely. She has a profile on a dating website. She still has her profile posted. I've asked her to remove it. She says she will let me remove it when I am in Phuket again. She seems to be hedging her bets with me. Either she is looking for the most secure ride out or she doesn't really believe I love her unless I am willing to support her somewhat financially (this is what was suggested in "Thailand Fever": a difficult concept for a Western man to accept).
I sent the money this time to show I do love her, but hope to find that another request for money doesn't come soon and need to know the love she says she feels for me is genuine.
I would appreciate some advice from a Thai woman please (especially one who grew up in a similar situation). I know many men will read this and label me a sucker. Perhaps I am , but she has convinced me that she does really love me. I need to understand her point of view from a Thai woman who understands the culture my girlfriend grew up in. If she can be trusted and her actions are normal in your culture, I'd like to know. If something doesn't seem right, and you don't think I should trust her, I'd like to know that as well. When I visit in April, I plan on giving her a necklace and taking care of her while I am in Thailand because I do know she doesnt have much and I want her to be happy, but I don't plan on sending any more money until I am sure of her love and intentions. She seems to want to know which way this is going rather quickly. I told her we need time to get to know each other better, but if things were going well we could start planning a future together by the summer.
Adviced please Thai women from Udon and area!
Thank you.
I met a girl on vacation in Thailand in January.
She lives in Phuket. I met her on a dating website before I visited. We spent the week together in Phuket.
She is from a village in the north of Thailand originally. She has been in Phuket for 6 or 7 years.
She is not a bar girl. She went to school to learn about working in the restaurant and hotel industry. She used to work 7 days a week, but now less because she only was able to get two weeks off a year with her old job, and needs to visit her mother more often than that.
She gave me a book to read "Thailand Fever" after I left.
It explained the Thai culture and expectations with respect to a dowry (her family is very poor), taking care of your girlfriend...
I am 47 years old and she is 31. I don't think the age difference is too much.
My problem is probably typical of any Western guy. Of course I think that she is beautiful and am happy to have met her, but I do want to find a girl who loves me, and is not just looking for money and security. She has me genuinely convinced that she loves me, but is putting pressure to move things along. She hinted some money coming her way when we first met could really help her to live more comfortably (she has very little: I saw her tiny apartment) , but I refused. I told her that I am not making enough money now to send her some (will not go into debt to help her), and am looking for a woman who really loves me. I do anticipate a good raise in the near future and let her know maybe I could help later when I could afford it.She kept talking with me daily on the telephone and on skype. She had to go home again to see her mother recently who has cancer (she sends money home to her mother). Last night, she was crying on skype. It seems she is very stressed out about her situation. Her apartment is very small and minimal. She has a lot of stress financially with her mothers sickness, and she doesn't want to be alone anymore. She suggested that I am the one she loves, but doesn't know how long she can live the way she is. Of course I know she wants to find security and someone who loves her.
She has also had to go to see a doctor for female problems lately, and I had the impression she is feeling more stressed as she has to pay for that too. I relented and offered to pay her personal medical bills. I asked how much and it was 20000 baht for 3 visits/treatments (without getting into specifics a quick procedure/injections and maybe a prescription was necessary). I let her know that I'd have to use my line of credit to give her the money, and I didn't intend on using it again to help her. I plan on paying my debt and will only consider helping her in the future if I have the money already.Since I've met her, it's been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. I've read horror stories about men meeting girls in Phuket, and being taken for a ride (losing a lot of money). I believe her when she says that she hasn't worked as a prostitute and I believe her mother is sick. I want to trust her, but I've only known her 3 months and need to know her better before committing to the relationship. I am planning on visiting again at the end of next month, and will see how that goes before committing completely. She has a profile on a dating website. She still has her profile posted. I've asked her to remove it. She says she will let me remove it when I am in Phuket again. She seems to be hedging her bets with me. Either she is looking for the most secure ride out or she doesn't really believe I love her unless I am willing to support her somewhat financially (this is what was suggested in "Thailand Fever": a difficult concept for a Western man to accept).
I sent the money this time to show I do love her, but hope to find that another request for money doesn't come soon and need to know the love she says she feels for me is genuine.
I would appreciate some advice from a Thai woman please (especially one who grew up in a similar situation). I know many men will read this and label me a sucker. Perhaps I am , but she has convinced me that she does really love me. I need to understand her point of view from a Thai woman who understands the culture my girlfriend grew up in. If she can be trusted and her actions are normal in your culture, I'd like to know. If something doesn't seem right, and you don't think I should trust her, I'd like to know that as well. When I visit in April, I plan on giving her a necklace and taking care of her while I am in Thailand because I do know she doesnt have much and I want her to be happy, but I don't plan on sending any more money until I am sure of her love and intentions. She seems to want to know which way this is going rather quickly. I told her we need time to get to know each other better, but if things were going well we could start planning a future together by the summer.
Adviced please Thai women from Udon and area!
Thank you.