Udon Thani Thailand Forum - Udon Thani, Thailand

I'm looking for relationship counseling -too late for me, it is for a friend who is an American and whose wife lives in Udon Thani. They are real danger of the relation being torn apart because they cannot see eye-to-eye on an issue of great importance to both of them. In the United States if they were smart they would probably go to a trained relationship counselor to try and find a way to make the marriage work smoothly. His wife who is Thai does not know if such a service is available here.

My question is: Is such skilled counseling service available in Thailand, and particularly in the Udon area? If such a service is available how would his wife contact them. The problem is compounded because her husband understands very little Thai.

Thank you in advance for any helpful advice or information.

not much help but www.bangkok angloinfo.com ( directory) has relationship counselling by skype

Simple answer in Udon Thani Nope, elsewhere have no idea, normally the family sorts things out

You could try Ben and Wendy McClure at the International Christian Fellowship. 042-343-974
Mobile 089-4851-685. If they can't help, they might be able to point you in the right direction.

easy 1 , just go into any " bar " find the drunkest expat you can , and sit next to them , they will
put you right , on your relationship , your money , your visa , and what you should be doing with
your life ..... even though they,re only on there second tourist visa themselves , ALWAYS happends
to me .........

Perhaps a good book on the subject would help. There must be a significant number that are available from Amazon, Ebay, etc.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert, is one of them.

tell me what the great issue is & i will try my best to offer a resolution

I noticed a while ago a Mental Health Clinic on the ring road (sign written in English). They may have counseling or can recommend someone.

Ring road (East side of town) going south, past big C, but well before passing Thai Watsadu, right hand side of the road.

Interesting question. What do wealthy Thais do in these circumstances? Perhaps they use family or the local abbot? There are probably some professionals operating in this field in Udon now. Perhaps not many. If Thai, they'll presumably be approaching the problem from a Thai cultural perspective?

In re-reading the OP , I would think not only is it probably, a sensitive problem but also a cultural one as well. Witht ehThai family offering loads of advice skewed towards the foreigner causing the problem, while he being in another country cannot in all honesty even begin to understand the complexities of the problem and unless his wife speak very good English will not even grasp the root cause.
It is one of those problems that really needs both parties to be in the same country to sort out , if that is the case then the family of said wife could be the problem not the wife herself.

I do not know of any marriage consular's in this area. I agree that Ben and Wendy McClure at the International Christian Fellowship would be a good place to start. If you want to consider a Christian based help. There is a book that I read years ago that helped me a lot in understanding how to deal with my wife even though she grew up in Thailand. The title of the book is "The Art of Understanding Your Mate by Cecil Osborne. My Thai wife and I have been married for over 42 years. We lived 40 of those years in Western Pennsylvania. During that time we did it all. We bought and paid for a home, raised two children and put both of them through college and now we have 4 grandchildren. I can offer several things that I have learnt since retiring and moving to Thailand. Moving to Thailand was a quantum leap for Me and my Wife. You and your wife do not need to absolutely agree 100 % on everything. Remember your wife has her own boundaries, believes, internal stress, trials and her own storms to deal with. Realize each person has their own expectations and those expectations are not always met. Expect failures and disappointments. There are no guarantees in this life and life is not always fair and just. There is a difference between reacting and responding. Reacting is an reaction from your feelings and emotions. It usually makes the situation worse. A response is a civil and respectful reply after you have made a pause and gained control of your feelings and emotions and given a controlled response. I have done my share of reacting since moving to Thailand. My last statement is that Love is a choice. It is not a feeling. Emotions and Feelings do have a place in the marriage relationship and You need to aware of them. Your feelings and emotions will take you down the wrong path every time during a disagreement. Love is a choice that says even though I am angry or disappointed with my wife; I chose to love my wife. This goes for both the husband and the wife. My wife and I have had plenty of disagreements in the last 42 years of our marriage. When we were building our house in Thailand there were times when things were not going well and we were arguing and our emotions were on overload and we were asking each other how is our marriage going to survive. We finished the house and We are still together.
I am not implying that I know how to solve your problem. I am still learning how to live in Thailand also. My wife and I were reminding each other today why we retired in Thailand and we reminded each other to look at the good reasons why we came here and not to dwell on the disappointments and the negative things that can pull you down. Good Luck on finding a resolution to your problem. A good Marriage does not come automatically. It takes a choice of ongoing sacrifice, work and commitment from both partners.

Interesting post. It'd be a major shock to the system to have 40 years in farangland with a Thai Mrs. and then move to Thailand. I reckon it's nearly always the Thai Mrs. who makes the inter-cultural adjustments. Too many farang have lived in Thailand for yonks and understand diddly squat about Thai culture. For example, clueless about the importance of making merit.

And another example - if you go to a school function, you usually see farang turn up in shorts. They probably don't even know or perhaps not even care care how that appears to Thais.

Usually if we have a good marriage it's the Thai Mrs. who deserves the applause. She speaks English and adjusts to farang culture. The husband wearing shorts on a formal occasion is OK to her even if she loses a lot of face.

An inter-cultural marriage counsellor will usually have his or her work to do ... If not in Udon, they will be in Bangkok.

I've known a good many people who have gotten divorces......but I've known many a good many people who married Thais, Japanese, and Koreans and have been married for 40+ years.
I like the idea of an inter-cultural marriage counselor.......but wonder how that would work........if you're a western spouse and the counselor is an Asian looking person, would you feel at a disadvantage.......or would your Thai wife object to a western looking counselor telling her she has to adapt to western customs/traditions? It'd make for a good movie.

Woody Allen might be a good one to direct it since he has had experience in his marriage to his adopted daughter, a Korean. I guess she would be very Americanized by now, and might feel at home with a western counselor. If the case ever arose, that is, in which she and Woody had serious problems.

parrot wrote:if you're a western spouse and the counselor is an Asian looking person, would you feel at a disadvantage.......or would your Thai wife object to a western looking counselor telling her she has to adapt to western customs/traditions? .

This is a misconception that keeps many people from even trying counseling is the fear of being judged or being told that what they feel is wrong.
A good counselor facilitates communication. He does not judge or chose who is right or wrong.

Here's a few websites that may be of interest to the op-

http://www.annowhite.com/
http://bangkok-counseling.com/
http://www.counseling-office.com/rlf-profile.phtml
http://bangkok.angloinfo.com/af/477/ban ... pists.html
http://thailandfever.com/service.html

I am in awe of the overwhelming helpfulness of the response!

The husband is in denial so I will go over these options with his wife.

Thank you all very much for your valued contributions.

My wife and I has a discussion about this posting and we both agree that both sides the husband and the wife need to have the desire to work things out. The problem will not go away by just ignoring the issues and waiting for the disagreement to pass. The problem will just submerge and smolder until it flames up again more intense. I can offer that I have learned time and time again that those feelings and emotions that you feel immediately will lead you down the wrong path every time when you are dealing with a trial in your marriage. You need to take time to calm down and relax and let the feelings and emotions calm down. I still get those feelings and emotions but I have learned to be aware of them and to give myself time to relax and calm down. I am still working at it and it will always be a work in progress but I am getting better at it.

Hi Folks, I had a great experience with Mr. Eric Mason in Bangkok.
He promptly responded to my request by email on a Sunday morning, and was very engaged throughout our conversation. He was honest, supportive, and very helpful. While many therapists will take on new clients with many different types of issues and conflicts, Eric focuses on ADHD assessments and psychological testing. If you are in Bangkok and you are looking for a therapist you should contact this guy. His website is: http://psychologistbangkok.com/

My wife is from Udon, I suggested marriage counseling, but she reacted like I had a disease. Her friends laughed. Pretty sure it isn't considered means to a solution.

oskar_lanning wrote:My wife is from Udon, I suggested marriage counseling, but she reacted like I had a disease. Her friends laughed. Pretty sure it isn't considered means to a solution.

It will never happen here! I've done counseling with other couples and it's a loss of face for the girl to admit that she has done anything wrong, so they prefer to stay in denial. There can never be improvement in relationships until faults are confessed, apologies are made, one seeks forgiveness and compromises are made. All of this goes against the grain of this whole idiotic concept of "gaining or losing face"!