Sin Sod. New twist
Hi guys.
Long thread eh, I just read the first 1.5 pages and the last post and thought I'd tack my little bit of nothing to the end.
Answer to the topic=no, no sin sod paid for. I think if I asked my dad to give my wifes family cash he'd piss himself laughing at me. Just because he's Thai and he's farang does'nt mean nuts, and overall Thai society hinges too much on thier nonsense traditions to extort cash from mug farangs:shock: I told my father inlaw that my old man just shelled out A20k(TH600k) for my sisters wedding. Thats what my culture requires. Simple solution dont get married, and at the end of the day when two people love each other(jing jing) then wether your married or not means nothing. you will allways be together...
Long thread eh, I just read the first 1.5 pages and the last post and thought I'd tack my little bit of nothing to the end.
Answer to the topic=no, no sin sod paid for. I think if I asked my dad to give my wifes family cash he'd piss himself laughing at me. Just because he's Thai and he's farang does'nt mean nuts, and overall Thai society hinges too much on thier nonsense traditions to extort cash from mug farangs:shock: I told my father inlaw that my old man just shelled out A20k(TH600k) for my sisters wedding. Thats what my culture requires. Simple solution dont get married, and at the end of the day when two people love each other(jing jing) then wether your married or not means nothing. you will allways be together...
Exactly the same as I did, I showed the cash (100K, more than enough to keep "face"), back to me next morning, along with a few gifts.tenbyboy wrote:Wouldn't pay Sin Sod on principle. However, my future wife's family told me they didn't want it, they'd rather I spend it on our (mine and future wife) new house. Only rider, there has to be 'pretend' Sin Sod on display at wedding to save face with other thais. I'm going to end up giving the parents money anyway (happily!)
Of course I was suspicious, I did'nt know about this and said "no chance" and then, after talking more,asked many questions. Their answer? "Ok do not do". My wifes mother was proud of her daughter when we married, not because I was farang and she had "cashed in", but because her daughter was happy. That is all the outlaw wants, and to look good with her family, friends etc
Its only on the occasions where they keep it (I see some examples) would I start to wonder about the real motives.
So....on topic....NO I would not pay for my son...I would want it back. A refund...whatever And if he could not or would not contribute, he is not getting married because he cannot support his marriage and because he is thinking with the downstairs tackle, not his brain. Men have insufficient blood to supply both at the same time, as is commonly known.
John
and someone wonders where falang get a bad name.udit821 wrote:Hi guys.
Long thread eh, I just read the first 1.5 pages and the last post and thought I'd tack my little bit of nothing to the end.
Answer to the topic=no, no sin sod paid for. I think if I asked my dad to give my wifes family cash he'd piss himself laughing at me. Just because he's Thai and he's farang does'nt mean nuts, and overall Thai society hinges too much on thier nonsense traditions to extort cash from mug farangs:shock: I told my father inlaw that my old man just shelled out A20k(TH600k) for my sisters wedding. Thats what my culture requires. Simple solution dont get married, and at the end of the day when two people love each other(jing jing) then wether your married or not means nothing. you will allways be together...
I also bet you think the folks that live in your country need to leave as they are disrupting your way of life.
Look in the mirror dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been following this topic with interest. However, yet to give any opinion until I came across this from Stickman: http://www.stickmanbangkok.com/Weekly/weekly239.htm
I do agree with the sin sod, because it's Thai custom. I'm a firm believer of when in Rome...anyway, in my case I didn't pay the sin sod because we married in the US. However, I promised my wife a Thai traditional wedding (in LOS) and I do expect to pay the sin sod. My wife assured me it's only to show face and possibly use the money to help pay for the reception. Which I think is a good idea.
My sister-in-law (now separated) married a Farlang. This kee neaw makes $100,000 year (tax free) driving friggin boats he didn't want to pay the sin sod even though he was assured he get it all back, not even have to pay for the reception. Caused a rift in the family, but in the end he payed for the reception. Now me I'm an enlisted man in the Marine Corps and not rich by any means. But I'll move heaven & earth to give my wife the grandiose reception possible. Why because I love my wife and I do whatever it takes to give her happiness.
I do agree with the sin sod, because it's Thai custom. I'm a firm believer of when in Rome...anyway, in my case I didn't pay the sin sod because we married in the US. However, I promised my wife a Thai traditional wedding (in LOS) and I do expect to pay the sin sod. My wife assured me it's only to show face and possibly use the money to help pay for the reception. Which I think is a good idea.
My sister-in-law (now separated) married a Farlang. This kee neaw makes $100,000 year (tax free) driving friggin boats he didn't want to pay the sin sod even though he was assured he get it all back, not even have to pay for the reception. Caused a rift in the family, but in the end he payed for the reception. Now me I'm an enlisted man in the Marine Corps and not rich by any means. But I'll move heaven & earth to give my wife the grandiose reception possible. Why because I love my wife and I do whatever it takes to give her happiness.
people in my very small locale see me as shrued and wise, not some easy touch. My daughter, wife and her family have the best they should have given thier surrounds and the village folk respect me for the reasons I have just given... the more Farang that give a free ride to anyone the more we step on our own toes.
udit821 wrote:people in my very small locale see me as shrued and wise, not some easy touch. My daughter, wife and her family have the best they should have given thier surrounds and the village folk respect me for the reasons I have just given... the more Farang that give a free ride to anyone the more we step on our own toes.
That's a load of crap, but then you're entitled to your opinion. It's not about giving anyone a free ride. It's about customs and traditions. True there are those that will take advantage and those that are taken into it. But that can be any where in the world.
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Re the above, don't be too quick to critiscise. Whilst somewhat blunt, there is merit in what Udit 821 is saying. Some Thais can be too quick to use tradition as their excuse to extract more money from us "rich" farangs. And those that have paid large amounts in the past have created precedents to be used against those that follow.think if I asked my dad to give my wifes family cash he'd piss himself laughing at me. Just because he's Thai and he's farang does'nt mean nuts, and overall Thai society hinges too much on thier nonsense traditions to extort cash from mug farangs:shock: I told my father inlaw that my old man just shelled out A20k(TH600k) for my sisters wedding. Thats what my culture requires. Simple solution dont get married, and at the end of the day when two people love each other(jing jing) then wether your married or not means nothing
Point taken this is Rome and when in Rome, but nevertheless one should be realistic with the amounts involved, as we are in Rome..
I often hear people say,"well he sends me 35K a month", - that's not realistic by Thai standards, or "he paid a dowry of 150K" . Ask yourself what a normal working Thai person earns each month. Anything from 4000 baht to possibly 10000 baht. I know of shop assistants and Hotel Receptionists that earn 6000 baht per month and support their family's on it.
The farangs who send large amounts of money every month or pay huge dowry's are the very people who are shooting themselves and the rest of us in the foot. And don't get me wrong, I don't mean by that, that either myself or anyone of more modest means is any less sincere or love our TW/GF's any less.
Re the sin sot, I think the really genuine and good ones must be the ones who returned the "sin sot" next day.
I discussed this subject with a previous long term TGF whom I lived with for 3 years, and she made the very point that if 2 people love each other they will be together, come what may. She also pointed out that a great many Thai people just live togther, as husband and wife, but without getting married either by party or legally.
Well back to the original question in a bit of research I didn't find anything that clearly defined that the parents or step parent should pay the dowery.papaguido wrote:udit821 wrote:people in my very small locale see me as shrued and wise, not some easy touch. My daughter, wife and her family have the best they should have given thier surrounds and the village folk respect me for the reasons I have just given... the more Farang that give a free ride to anyone the more we step on our own toes.
That's a load of crap, but then you're entitled to your opinion. It's not about giving anyone a free ride. It's about customs and traditions. True there are those that will take advantage and those that are taken into it. But that can be any where in the world.
However, I don't think I found anything clearly defined at all.
The Bangkok Post even posted two different standards one for Thai and one for Farrangs.
Will this truly remain one of lifes litle mysteries?
Right on Ray. I would like to clear the air and say:
It is a personal decision that every one should make on thier own. There is no clear decision. Only a muddy one that will never be right or wrong.
It is a personal decision that every one should make on thier own. There is no clear decision. Only a muddy one that will never be right or wrong.
Last edited by banpaeng on December 12, 2005, 10:19 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re the above, don't be too quick to critiscise. Whilst somewhat blunt, there is merit in what Udit 821 is saying. Some Thais can be too quick to use tradition as their excuse to extract more money from us "rich" farangs. And those that have paid large amounts in the past have created precedents to be used against those that follow.arjay wrote:think if I asked my dad to give my wifes family cash he'd piss himself laughing at me. Just because he's Thai and he's farang does'nt mean nuts, and overall Thai society hinges too much on thier nonsense traditions to extort cash from mug farangs:shock: I told my father inlaw that my old man just shelled out A20k(TH600k) for my sisters wedding. Thats what my culture requires. Simple solution dont get married, and at the end of the day when two people love each other(jing jing) then wether your married or not means nothing
And I agree with that as well. I shouldn't expect anyone to give up the cow when a pig will suffice. But in my case or rather my son's case when the time comes I will give whatever is appropriate as the situation dictates. And when my daugther marries I will expect the same.
Did anyone notice in the Thai standard it was partly based on the mans wealth. The assumption is that we are wealthy, by some standards I suppose we are. I live in Thai neighborhood and my house is no different the thiers. But I don't work either. If I look at that from thier perspective I would seem rich, I'm not. However they don't know that.papaguido wrote:arjay wrote:Re the above, don't be too quick to critiscise. Whilst somewhat blunt, there is merit in what Udit 821 is saying. Some Thais can be too quick to use tradition as their excuse to extract more money from us "rich" farangs. And those that have paid large amounts in the past have created precedents to be used against those that follow.think if I asked my dad to give my wifes family cash he'd piss himself laughing at me. Just because he's Thai and he's farang does'nt mean nuts, and overall Thai society hinges too much on thier nonsense traditions to extort cash from mug farangs:shock: I told my father inlaw that my old man just shelled out A20k(TH600k) for my sisters wedding. Thats what my culture requires. Simple solution dont get married, and at the end of the day when two people love each other(jing jing) then wether your married or not means nothing
And I agree with that as well. I shouldn't expect anyone to give up the cow when a pig will suffice. But in my case or rather my son's case when the time comes I will give whatever is appropriate as the situation dictates. And when my daugther marries I will expect the same.
My Nephew married a girl and she lived with him the states, her comment to me about her rich American husband. $5,000 a month is not enough. Imagine a Thai beleiving that 200K baht a month is not enough to live.
So many misconceptions in both directions.
I don't envy the guy stuck between the hard spot and the rock, where is the money supposed to come from.
I have spent a long time teaching my wife about our income and sometimes I have to just say no, but, never without an explanation as to why. she has a much better understanding of a budget then she had before. She now understands that we have to save money for large annual dibursements such as medical insurance. She no longer looks at the money in her purse and just spends it because she can just go get more.
She is fully aware of what is in the bank here and in the states, how much money we have each month. She deosn't come and speak to me anymore about things we can not do, she knows what is going on. As a matter of fact she is much better at it then I am. I always speak to her as well about major purchase.
If we had a son she would know what we could do or not do. She would never ask me to do the impossible, remember it's her money and her security to.
I wish I had an answer for this guy, but I really don't you can not come to reasonble conclusion if your partner will not except reality.
On the other side of the question figure out a way to save face for the family, they will be happy if they are reasoanble poeple. If they don't see it that way your probably opening yourself up to a very miserable life. Because the requests are never going to stop. Don't expect your Thai wife to take your side that would be very unusual.
I think Thai brides should come with a FDA warning lable
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first of all , thankyou to ray for his honesty , thankyou for restoring my faith in possible future relationship with a thai lady .
to wansman , i hope your wife enjoys america , but i really do think that your money and generosity to her family plays a big part in your relationship . why dont you test her and say that you will not send money for the next six months .
The dowry to be paid to your wifes family but not to pay for sons dowry , thats well out of order .
i paid 100,000 baht .
my sister in laws husband paid 30,000 baht 3 years earlier .
thai families are becoming more greedy by asking for high dowries , if you love my daughter , you pay dowry .
thats emotional blackmail .
and idiot falangs are making it worse for all falangs by dishing out money willy nilly .
take note wansman.
to wansman , i hope your wife enjoys america , but i really do think that your money and generosity to her family plays a big part in your relationship . why dont you test her and say that you will not send money for the next six months .
The dowry to be paid to your wifes family but not to pay for sons dowry , thats well out of order .
i paid 100,000 baht .
my sister in laws husband paid 30,000 baht 3 years earlier .
thai families are becoming more greedy by asking for high dowries , if you love my daughter , you pay dowry .
thats emotional blackmail .
and idiot falangs are making it worse for all falangs by dishing out money willy nilly .
take note wansman.
i love thailand , i love thai people