I just want to tell a story,....

Post by **Spirit** » February 13, 2008, 6:50 am

I want to tell it, because maybe it will be useful for somebody on here.

First of all, so sorry for my poor english, I'm spanish and I'm not quite good with languages.

My story begun more than 3 years ago. I met a medium age girl, divorced with three kids, here on net.
We started talking, everyday, and I fell in love little by little till feel something really great.
She felt the same. I thought, ok, it's time to go and visit her and I went to Udon for first time in my life.
Reality was better than dreams, she was really wonderful, intelligent, funny, hard worker (she had her own beauty salon).
I felt floating on the skies, I felt love like I've never felt before.
After that we start to think about to live together. We start talking where would be the best place to live, Spain? Europe? maybe Thailand?
Well, we could think about it, enjoying a great and new love.
But one day I received a mail from her ex husband, telling me that he was in love with her, and sending me a picture of them making love. And attached to this mail, a conversation between her and an american man, talking about love, and talking about future too.
It was really similar like my conversations with her.
I was really sad, and feeling stupid.
I wait till I was able to talk with her, and I told her what I knew. In the beginning she told me, no, no, no....but finally she recognised that she was talking with another man.
But she told me that man was not important in her life, it was only a good man who was helping to her family, but he was married with sons, and there was not problem. Yes, I know I was stupid, but I believed her.

We kept on talking and with time I forgave that. I went there many more times, and in the beginning we were looking for lands or houses to buy in Chiang Mai. We decided to live there, but she didn't want to live in Udon. I said yes, no problem for me...

She was really jealous all the time, she didn't like to know that I could talk with another woman...

But I was really faithful to her all this time, I just made love only with her... I just kissed her... She was my full life...
I sold my own bussiness to go to Thailand, I was ready to start a new life there...
but then, she changed, and 4 months ago she decided to go out from Thailand, she wanted to live in Europe or USA. Then she told me that her american friend was making the visa to take her to USA.

I went there to talk with her, and she told me that he was not important, he wouldn't go with him, she just wanted to come with me to Europe...

I started to get the visa for her, but everybody knows it's a hard and slow work. But she was angry everyday, because I hadn't got her visa yet.

Finally she told me, that if I was not able to get the visa on december she would go to USA. I thought it was only a way to make pressure...and I kept on getting the visa...

4 weeks ago she told me that she was going to USA, she told me that she must go, because she made a lot of wrong things, and she need to fix it.
I asked her for not going. I cry for her, but 3 weeks ago, she went to USA with her "friend". Before going, from the airport, she told me, please wait me, I'm going to fix everything and I'll come back so soon as I can to be with you, and be happy together, like in our dreams... She said, I'll call you so soon as I can....

3 weeks ago she went there, she didn't call me yet, I just can talk with her sister in BKK, and not always I can understand her...

Yesterday, I knew, casuality, on internet, who was he, where are they living, and I read by his own words that they wanted to marry on this week...

Yes, you can call me stupid now, but please, don't waist your time, I know it....
Just wanted to share it...
If could be useful for somebody in future, it will be perfect...
I keep on loving her, and I know that I'll never love anybody on this way, and I know I'll never trust anybody else...

Thanks to listen me, I just need to tell my story....

Post by **BKKSTAN** » February 13, 2008, 8:55 am

Very sorry for your pain!The main lesson is to understand that there is a difference between being attracted to a person from internet conversations and feelings of being ''in love''!

Sometimes I think that many of us have such a strong desire to ''feel loved''that when an attractive female starts saying things that sound like they want to be with us,we think love is in the offering!IT is not!!!!

Good Thai women are looking for security with a man that they like being with and will be dutiful and loyal while the love grows in the relationship!Sometimes they have difficulty letting go of the security without another option when they realize that the man is not compatible to a longlasting relationship,hence the door opens for deception,especially in a cultural society that is not used to practicing ''straight talk'' and criticism that could help iron out the wrinkles!

If you have ''sold out''and moved here looking for a good relationship,you are in luck because there are many attractive Thai women that really want to have a real long term relationship with you!Don't give up!Smarten up!Educate yourself to the situation,take control , set your boundaries and expectations ,maintain them and give the relationship time to develop trust and love!Number one rule is define lying and don't lie or except lies under any circumstances!Respect her cultural belief system,teach her yours and respect yourself!

Best of luck,there is a bright future ahead if you are diligent and recognize the ''sharks'' from the normal ''hungry'' Thais!

Post by **aznyron** » February 13, 2008, 9:32 am

I also want to ad that I am sorry for your pain & deception
I know about shattered dreams I have been there also
if they gave medels for rejection I would have gotten the medal of honor
in time your wounds will heal but trust is another story
trust is some thing they must earn and not taken for granted
in many cases it all about how much they can get from you NOW
they do not think about the future with you remember your just a farlong
and they think your well of money never runs out
and the family also thinks the same way
like Stan said there are wonderful & trust worthy girls here but
you have to look for them & looking in bars reduce your chance to find a good one
because they are seasoned to get money from you with out love
I wish you well and best of luck in finding your new love
just remember the lyrics of this song your are searching for a new love can that new love be you

laphanphon · Post by **laphanphon** » February 13, 2008, 9:33 am

congrats on finishing your freshman year at WBU.

count your blessings, she's gone and you didn't buy her a house.

therapy over, and one bottle of Bailey's fee for counselling can be paid anytime in the future, interest free.

better luck in the future. as Stan says, if still here and ready to settle in, there are plenty around to help you enjoy life. just take it slow, don't buy, RENT RENT RENT.

ALTHOUGH, if ready to buy........................................................

Post by **mackayae** » February 13, 2008, 9:54 am

You wouldn't dare.

laphanphon · Post by **laphanphon** » February 13, 2008, 10:02 am

it's all about ME ME ME..............................................................i couldn't do that.

Post by **BobHelm** » February 13, 2008, 12:33 pm

Spirit. Thank you for writing this cautionary tale. If one person who reads it learns from it then that will be good. I fear that will not be the case though as most of us only learn lessons from our own mistakes.

Most of us who live here have been through similar (& as LA says 'worse') & it is in your hands not to follow the same path again.
I truly hope that you have now learnt from this & will follow Stans' wise words & course of actions.
It may not seem to you at the moment that you have taken the best course for you in moving to Thailand. Believe me, you probably have. Follow Stans' advice & in time you will enjoy a far happier existence than is possible back in 'Falangland'.

Good luck to you in your new bright future.

Post by **Bump** » February 13, 2008, 2:37 pm

I will say that in life many times dreams turn into nightmares. Might have been good reasons and maybe just maybe in the end your life will be better for the experience.

All you can do is get up from the fall dust yourself off and go about living. Maybe you will find your dream this wasn't it.

It's probably going to take some time but you have to stay open to relationships if that is what you want. You have to take chances, goes with life since there is never a gurantee. But it's all a learning process that hopefully makes you a better person.

Good luck. Be good to yourself, your not stupid things happen

Post by **designer** » February 13, 2008, 7:03 pm

Spirit she will contact you again and tell you how she misses you dont fall for the crap,

Post by **Darryl** » February 14, 2008, 4:10 pm

Welcome to Lieland.

Post by **747man** » February 14, 2008, 9:34 pm

SPIRIT,The Buffalo has got a " Bad " Cough !!!

Post by **747man** » February 14, 2008, 9:35 pm

Darryl wrote:Welcome to Lieland.

A Bit STRONG is"nt it,Darryl ??

Post by **thalenoi** » February 16, 2008, 10:21 am

Divorced with three kids looking for the best ATM.
Who has the most brains, him or her I wonder?

Poor Spirit, I pity you, but thanks for posting.

Post by **Irish Alan** » February 16, 2008, 11:02 am

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. At least you can learn from it and move on. She may keep you on file if things go ar5e tit in the US. Do not entertain the "Miss you too much" 5hit... Be as cold as she was. Too many good women in this country to dwell on what might have been with an internet shark.

Post by **aznyron** » February 16, 2008, 11:45 am

sadly we all meet the sharks before we meet the good ones that is true in my case
don't let this destroy you and forget about her she is not worth your time

Post by **Spirit** » February 17, 2008, 5:17 pm

I want to tell the last chapter of my story. I was talking with her, right now, four weeks after she went. I did it trought her sister, by msn. She was not brave enough to talk with me face to face...
She said that she'll always love me, forever...but she'll stay with the other guy, because he has a lot of money...
Well, life is this way...
I think I'll be the same stupid forever...and she is rich now...
Thanks to everybody for your support, really thanks.
I would like to go soon to Udon, but I don't know if I'll be able to do it. Maybe I'll meet you there guys, or maybe in better life....Thanks to everyone...

Post by **747man** » February 18, 2008, 12:46 pm

Spirit, At least now YOU know the TRUTH,She was only ever after YOUR Money !!! But I'm Sure YOU will find somebody who is GENUINE,There are still a FEW out there Best of luck....

Post by **designer** » February 18, 2008, 7:05 pm

Spirit ,you must realise everyone wants to better themself,this girl can see no future with you ,she waited a long time for you to get her a visa but one cannot live in hope,my advice is not to go to thailand till you are able earn a good living
I think this girl just wanted a better life but realised you cannot give her that ,try and pull yourself into a better possition while you are in england,because if you go to thailand there is no help you are on your own,love alone will not do it,how many thai girls love the young farang but settle with an old guy who can support them,I dont want to crash your car but most woman feel the same thats how they are programed , lots of luck

Post by **rickfarang** » February 18, 2008, 10:41 pm

Spirit,

Thank you for posting your story. You were stupid, and by telling your story, you made the rest of us fools a little less lonely.

While the pain may linger for a very long time, eventually, you will come to a better understanding of what happened, and after that you will realize that she is no good, the other guy is her next victim, and it is not the loss of her that you mourn, but the loss of your dream.

Take heart in knowing that there are much better women than the lady of whom you write. Both inside Thailand, and elsewhere. It just might take a little more work to find the right one. The right one is waiting for you. You can find her, but first you must dare to dream again.

Good luck. Your sadness will pass.

Post by **Spirit** » February 19, 2008, 12:00 am

designer wrote:Spirit ,you must realise everyone wants to better themself,this girl can see no future with you ,she waited a long time for you to get her a visa but one cannot live in hope,my advice is not to go to thailand till you are able earn a good living
I think this girl just wanted a better life but realised you cannot give her that ,try and pull yourself into a better possition while you are in england,because if you go to thailand there is no help you are on your own,love alone will not do it,how many thai girls love the young farang but settle with an old guy who can support them,I dont want to crash your car but most woman feel the same thats how they are programed , lots of luck

I'm so sorry, but I think you're wrong. I have money enough to take care her and her family for the rest of her lives. The difference was that I didn't want to send her money in the beginning, because I couldn't trust everybody. More than this, she told me, since the first minute, that she had no problems about money, she had her own business, and was really more than enough for her family. And yes, I made it late, maybe it's true, I made late the visa, but it's reasonable, after knowing that she was talking with another men, knowing that she was not sure sometimes ( thai inmatures?), knowing that she told me she wanted to come with me just in may, june of 2007...
There are a lot of things that I can't understand, that's true...
If I feel pain it's because I trusted her, because I forgave her a lot of wrong things, because I believed almost everything, because I gave her all of me without conditions, because she was a real love, almost for me...a true love, and I think this is important, or not????