Crossed Wires with the Girlfriend/wife..do-you or don't you.

[beer monkey]

I sometimes get crossed wires with the Wife, could be over the simplest of things or more important stuff, it personally drives me mad sometimes and its usually down to me (she thinks) so i get times when she gets the hump for a few days , then goes back to normal, i don't get annoyed if the wires get crossed and find it funny..so can laugh it off most of the times(not in her face though, just on the inside lol)...but my Darling can't take it like that and i am the one that gets the cold shoulder sometimes, and its normally over nothing or something silly.

She mainly speaks to me in Thai and at times i must admit it goes in 1 ear and out the other usually when i am concentrating on something else, wish she would speak more phassa Ungrit with me, she can but rarely does...
She will speak in Thai and if i didn't quite catch it all and ask to repeat it she thinks i am taking the 'P'.....and then gets the hump also, so i don't always ask her to repeat it so i have half the story and can only act on what i think i heard....then things get crossed.

Is there an answer to this, does it ever stop ?...for me not at the moment after 10 years, the first few years not a problem and i didn't recall any ,but after several years of being together seems to get worse..! not a major problem...or is it.!!

Any old timers out there still get it..?

[jackspratt]

Seem to be going through a similar scenario at the moment, BM.

Me: Can you do this? (whatever - fill in the space).

Her: No, I cannot do.

Me: Is there a good reason why you cannot do? If not, can I get someone else to do?

Her: You want I pack your suitcase WTF!!!

And this is at 1 month, not 10 years

[beer monkey]

Good example.

[richard-px1]

Hi BM,its Dick in the u.k,beleive it or not,but i was married for 34yrs,before i got distracted by a young lady,anyway thats another story,back to yours.It strike,s me that this must be a world wide problem.Towards the end of my marriage, i used to get the same thing,for a while i thought i was going deaf. Then i considered that i was not talking loud enough,and that she had,nt understood me.No such thing,she heard,but thought she would just be akward.In the end,i stopped asking.
My point being,if its like that here with two people speaking the same linko, what the hell is it like in Thailand.But,when i think back,it was the same in Italy,were i lived with a young lady for a couple of years.So you see,its a world wide problem
So my answer to you is no it never stops it gets worse,so chin up m8,and remember the old saying.WANT SOMETHING DONE,DO IT YOURSELF.

[mortiboy]

I SAY !" You want me pack YOUR! suitcase?" I did It! .......and she went! ( That was because I told her " If you dont help me, I will go see my ex teacher g/f to help me!" But she soon came back after a few days.My partner wont help me in any way when problems arise.Example.Electric cable to my house short out over w/e".OH !company close w/e have to wait till Monday"! After I ask around, where electric board? I went there,they were open for emergencies came back with me in their truck.fixed it up 30 minutes.G/f sat there trimming her nails.She get uptight when I ask her help me.fortunatly, I can speak Thai reasonably well.But what I worry is when I am" A REAL OLD TIMER" and cant get about so well. who will help me?

[Irish Alan]

I sometimes get crossed wires with the Wife, could be over the simplest of things or more important stuff, it personally drives me mad sometimes and its usually down to me (she thinks) so i get times when she gets the hump for a few days , then goes back to normal, i don't get annoyed if the wires get crossed and find it funny..so can laugh it off most of the times(not in her face though, just on the inside lol)...but my Darling can't take it like that and i am the one that gets the cold shoulder sometimes, and its normally over nothing or something silly.

She mainly speaks to me in Thai and at times i must admit it goes in 1 ear and out the other usually when i am concentrating on something else, wish she would speak more phassa Ungrit with me, she can but rarely does...
She will speak in Thai and if i didn't quite catch it all and ask to repeat it she thinks i am taking the 'P'.....and then gets the hump also, so i don't always ask her to repeat it so i have half the story and can only act on what i think i heard....then things get crossed.

Is there an answer to this, does it ever stop ?...for me not at the moment after 10 years, the first few years not a problem and i didn't recall any ,but after several years of being together seems to get worse..! not a major problem...or is it.!!

Any old timers out there still get it..?

Difficult one BM but you asked me at a good time as only tonight we are trying to straighten out our latest episode.

I worry that you say it is getting worse. Why? Is it her failure to grasp English and what you are saying or is she frustrated that you do not understand what she is saying in Thai?

2 possible solutions is that (I am sure your Thai must be pretty good at this point) but formally learn the language. Go to AUA and let her see you are serious. Get her to help you with your homework.

Will she also go to school... I do not mean to be a p*ick but you are providing for the family so is it too much for your wife to learn English? There are some good books. Compromise!

As I say a lot my g/f is weak at English and I get frustrated and tell her, "Go to school, learn the language... You want to go to Ireland next year? You think you can walk into Tesco/Dunnes Stores and ask for som tam"? She really is trying to improve daily.

I share your frustrations and last night we had pictures and no sound because some bitch started with send reinforcements we are going to advance and ended with send 3 and 4 pence we are going to a dance... Want me to tell you that one? F**individual Chinese whispers again!

[rickfarang]

Dear Mr. Monkey,

I am sure glad to hear that I'm not the only one with this problem! I guess it doesn't get better. At least not in our cases.

[westerby]

She will speak in Thai and if i didn't quite catch it all and ask to repeat it she thinks i am taking the 'P'.....and then gets the hump also, so i don't always ask her to repeat it so i have half the story and can only act on what i think i heard....then things get crossed.

Are you sure you're not going deaf?

I also notice that you post at about 10 pm UK time when you're in UTH which means you're on line at 4 am Thai time. Maybe you're knackered and therefore not concentrating on what she's saying in her language.

[Tony Croweater]

BM,

I wish there were enough space to tell you in detail about how I paid 2 baht too much for a plastic spray bottle that I bought from the 'wrong' shop.

Then there was the infamous incident at the Suwannakuha post office when I asked (the now ex) TGF to question the postage on a simple letter, resulting in her storming out and not speaking to me for three days.

Another incident (I can laugh about it now) occurred at a bus station when two 13 y/o schoolgirls sat down to interview me in English for their school project; you can guess the rest.

And to illustrate just how ridiculous it can get, the same ex would often question me as to why I should want to by another newspaper when I'd bought one yesterday.

And even when I thought I'd been on my best behavior and spent every last satang wisely she would still, without warning, suddenly decide she wasn't speaking to me, and would even walk the other side of the road while I tried to figure out wtf it was I'd done wrong.

Needless to say it got so bad I had to escape to preserve what was left of my sanity.

Today I'm fortunate to be married (5 years) to a lady with whom any crossed wires can generally be untangled without too much drama. I've learnt that it just doesn't work when there's only one of you trying to communicate.

As with any relationship with a Thai though, no matter how well you think you understand at the time, you always walk away feeling like you missed something. I just accept it now, and don't bother to argue any more.

I reckon you'll find many of us have been down this path before, but you have my sympathy, nevertheless.

[tingtongfalang]

...and I was going to start a thread about this. F*** I only been in-country since Sunday. I wasn't looking for a GF yet because I have to go to Chiang Mai for school. But I meet the girl at this resort. She makes my meals, etc. She's 38, seperated, 3 kids, looking for a bf. I was thinking maybe it's not bad, she works 12 hours every day, at least I'd know where she is and what she's doing. I took her for a date to NM but I must have been in the wrong area, I didn't see the big screen or any yellow tables like I saw in some pics here. I didn't get anything for me but I bought her a new bag and some jeans. The next day I get the feeling she's mad at me, she won't look at me and she talks away from so I can't understand. I get frustrated and start drinking. So we're going back and forth like this all day. She ragging me about my beard, tattoos, I drink, and says I'm impolite to her. I'm thinking WTF lady, you're 38, you got 3 kids and your husband left, WTF do you want? Did'nt say it, thought it. Later I said F*** it!...hopped in a tuktuk and told the guy "just drive", I ended up at Angel Massage...still nothing, only a massage . You hear all the time about how good Thai women take care of a man, but I'm not seeing it. Bar girls are sounding better all the time, at least I'll get what I need. I'm still free, white, single and over 21, I can do WTF I want.

[beer monkey]

I wish there were enough space to tell you in detail about how I paid 2 baht too much for a plastic spray bottle that I bought from the 'wrong' shop.
----------------
Then there was the infamous incident at the Suwannakuha post office when I asked (the now ex) TGF to question the postage on a simple letter, resulting in her storming out and not speaking to me for three days.
----------------
and would even walk the other side of the road while I tried to figure out wtf it was I'd done wrong.

More good examples,So So true..will we ever get the code to un-lock these common occurances..?

There are plus points when they have a "3 dayer"...you can watch the TV in peace..and when they finally snap out of their trance they are sweet little things..and we do love them don't we.

I worry that you say it is getting worse. Why? Is it her failure to grasp English and what you are saying or is she frustrated that you do not understand what she is saying in Thai?

Well when i say getting worse not in a life threatening way..,just seems to get more common, and yes she gets frustrated that i do not 'fully' understand her when she speaks Thai,a common outburst is " I want to go home and find Thai Husband..!!, now this is a big joke to which i do laugh at..LOL, i can get along well in Thai, but would rather her speak English, she can do it she talks to everyone else in English quite well but she says she gets embarrased that it would not come out correct so keeps it to a minimum, even less with me, and she would never go to a class to learn more shame really, will just have to make do with daytime TV lol,....So the crossed wires occur and will continue even over the slightest things, friends of mine who have TW's have the same problems, Lots of people think Thai girls are laid back and easy going..whilst they can be at times its the times they are not that are not particulaly ,"Land of Smiles"...if you know what i mean....which i am sure you all do...and i wouldn't class this stuff as marriage problems, just getting crossed wires for very little reason if any.

Dear Mr. Monkey,

I am sure glad to hear that I'm not the only one with this problem! I guess it doesn't get better. At least not in our cases.

Yes there are plenty of us out here...safety in numbers.

Are you sure you're not going deaf?

Half past two....

[trubrit]

Well, I'll be bugge--rd. Although with my previous T/W it was a regular occurrence even after 15 years, it has never been an issue with my present one, until this week. To make her and the kid happy I bought a new LCD TV.
I wanted it in a different position in the room as it was bigger and could be viewed more comfortably on the other side.Well!! It almost started WW3.
The first complaint, the cable from the aerial was in the wrong place, so move it, I said. The TV man would have to go up the loft, she said, so what, said I ? The TV came, guess what. The guy that delivered it was on the fat side. He won't get through the trap door said she. Yes he will I replied. No I can't said the TV man. Told you , said she! So send a slimmer chun said I .Not have said he. So take the bloody thing back said I. Eventually he went in the loft, five minutes later cable appeared through new hole, just where I wanted it. Marvellous, but that was three days ago and until last night the only words we have exchanged was " There's your dinner" Haven't seen her yet today, don't know if we're talking , or not.!
A sequel. Kid came home from school, saw new TV, said why have we moved it?He was living dangerously I can tell you.

[Tony Croweater]

..and when they finally snap out of their trance they are sweet little things..and we do love them don't we.

Indeed we do, BM.

[saint]

i think its just women in general , coupled with certain times of the month so to speak , or if older ladies, the change, whatever the f~ck that is, when i hear that expression i imagine them growing another head or turning into something from alien. every woman i have ever known has been moody including my mum !!!! i just ignore it , i found out a long time ago if you pander to their moods , they just last longer .

[mortiboy]

Reading all these threads, I have come to the conclusion.I must have an angel
living with me!
Everyday,We enjoy each others company.She is never moody.If she dont agree about something,she tells me but smiles and jokes about it.If I want do something, all I get is "up to you teeruk"
My only problem is she dont assist me with things which are Thai orientated which I am unable to put right.
I find very frustrating and I get irate,which in turn, gets her back up.
I think sometimes, better not to see each other so much all and everyday.I give her go see her family every w/e. Abscents makes the heart grow fonder

[tamada]

Ooooo, yes... that 'up to you' is a nail-impregnated, high-explosive, pressure-sensitive, intercontinental-ballistic, white-hot incendiary device just waiting to be triggered. Whenever the conversation is aimlessly meandering back and forth with every second response a 'hmm' or an unemphatic 'yes dear', as soon as you hear her utter the three words 'up to you', you better stop twiddling whatever you were twiddling, close the browser, put down the newspaper, turn down the TV volume and LISTEN THE F**K UP. The consequences of doing otherwise have been the downfall and ruin of a fair few farangs regardless of money, looks, age or experience.

[Aardvark]

Well said

[The man from Ketchup]

I find my T/W so very hot and cold.

The tamtram can last 5 minutes or 3 day's. Normally ending with "Tirak, can I have", No I am joking about that.

But if they do last 3 days it is becuase I have thrown fuel on the fire. The tamtrams are alot short if I just let her be. I am normally so easying going and it takes along time for me to get upset about something. But sometimes I get pissed off too. And can not help myself but to keep winding her up.

I think it will be better in the morning, nope wrong again. Then for no reason at all she is happy again. Smiling, laugh and playing with me again. As if the last 3 days did not happen. Except the bag is left half packed.

I have a hardtime beleive depression, Bi-polar and other mental deseases exsist only because I am nieve. But perhaps they are real and my wife is Bi-polar.

As the OP first stated most of the problems start with miss understands or crossed wires.

I also get the "up to you" line. Man I hate that comment. Who teaches them that, is it the first sentance they learn at school. Is it becuase it has no "R's" in it and it is easy to say.

And sometimes I get it when I ask if she wants a drink. "yes" she says. "What do you want" I say. "up to you" she says. "What!" I says. "up to you" she says. No it's up to you, I dont give a f*** what you want to drink" I say. "I no want drink now" she says. MOHO

That was in the early days. Now I ask and she says "yes" I just give her what we got most of in the fridge. And if she is not happy with that I say "tough go change it". She normally drinks what I get.

Sorry for the long post. But it was good to vent alittle this MOHO ---- takes alot to get use to.

[bumper]

What husband doesn't tune out his wife and the same for her. That's life.

You guys are missing it, you never ask a Thai woman if you want something you tell her. Do it politley.

Why do you think you hear " up to you" so much, they don't mean it. They just don't want to make a decesion. If you make a decesion you can make mistake, if your don't make a decsion, you can critize.

Trust me they don't like your "up to you", they will let you know.

Get used to it guys I decided a long time ago these Thai ladies are just to darn smart for me.

[Bandung_Dero]

Married 7 1/2 years and sure we have our misunderstandings but it very rarely creates a problem - mostly a smile:-

Yesterday we went shopping at the local markets. 1st port of call was the 'new freezer shop' as we call it (all sorts of farang goodies). I picked up the groceries and headed for the car, she headed off to the vege market asking me what I wanted. Onions, carrots etc but no potatoes. On unpacking at home there was a gasp at the fridge she holding up a bag of potatoes and pointing at a bag I had bought the day before.

I said "NO potatoes" she thought I had no potatoes. We had a laugh.

Absolutely no reason to get in a huff and IMO most all language related misunderstandings can be worked out quickly with a bit of humour NOT retribution.