Inter-Cultural Relationships - Udon Magazine Issue 5

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Inter-Cultural Relationships.
By Dennis Walker © Udonmap.com

“Thailand Fever,” written jointly by Chris Pirozzi and Vitida Vasant and published by Paiboon Poomsan Publishing, the book can be found in most quality bookshops, and is exceptional value at around 500bt. In its preface, the authors highlight that at all levels of society where romantic involvement between Thais and Westerners occur, the same relationship problems crop up repeatedly. The aim of the authors is to help readers to avoid or deal with these problems by explaining the relevant aspects of Western culture to the Thais, and those of Thai culture to the Westerner. In short, it is aimed specifically at cross-cultural romantic couples. It is about such couples being enabled to build trust and understanding, each with the other. To assist in this process each section of the book is written in both English & Thai, on facing pages, throughout the book. My comments are not intended as a review of the book, only to give readers a general idea of its contents and purpose. In my capacity as a qualified Behavioural Counsellor, I have frequently recommended this book to clients, in cross cultural relationships and who are experiencing communication problems with each other. Without exception my feed-back has been positive. There can be no better incentive than that for any readers, experiencing problems with their Thai partner to purchase this excellent publication. It is usually available in the bookshop in Robinsons. I suggest you quickly browse through it before making the purchase, to decide whether it could be of help to you. I am sure you will not leave the shop without it.

Thai Culture – Some Do’s and Don’ts. Thais expect foreigners to be different. On the other hand, they advise themselves: “When you enter a town where people wink, wink as they do” 1.Do pay attention to restraint in grooming. Personal appearance is important in Thailand, where it is assumed to reflect breeding and status. Whiles there is proverbial advice that warns against judging books by their covers, the dominant theme is captured by the Thai saying: “A chicken is beautiful because of its feathers; people are beautiful because they dress up.”

2. Do be aware that language and body language are as important in Thailand as they are anywhere. Thais believe that speech, and the way that the body is held, reflect social status, personality and probably character. Many actively used Thai proverbs express it succinctly. One says: “The accent tells the language; manners tell the family”. Specifically this means: *Speak with restraint and relative formality. *Control the hands in conversation; Thai’s find amusing the lack of control foreigners have over their hands. Thai hands are reserved for performing graceful wais, or pressed palm greetings, and are ideally kept in quiet repose during conversations.

Even a slight gesticulation in Western terms may so distract a Thai that he or she will miss the fact that the deal of the century is being offered. Hands also pass things in a fairly formal manner; they do not toss things casually, least of all paper, which even in the age of the word processor and photocopier retains respect because of its relationship to education. *Be aware of what your feet are doing. Thais regard feet as the low point of the body. Thais call feet “foreigner’s hands” because we use feet for doing things hands should do: holding doors ajar and moving objects when our hands are full. To point the feet at someone as a result of crossing your legs, to tread on another’s foot, even to step on or over someone’s belongings, requires an earnest apology. A leading cause of Thai trauma is to see a non-Thai with a quick foot stop an inadvertently dropped coin or banknote that is rolling or blowing away. The head is a sacred as the foot is low. And the Thai king’s head, the highest head in the kingdom, graces all Thai coinage and currency. 3. Do understand that the monarchy and Religion are subjects for reverence.

4. Do not criticize one Thai in the company of another. Apart from disturbing signals this will send about one’s discretion, remember that Udon is a surprisingly small town socially, with many cousins and ex- classmates. Thais say: “Windows have ears, doors have holes”. 5. Do not be quick to criticize your own system or its leaders. Westerners sometimes speak in the belief that putting down their corporate or national leaders shows personal individuality. The Thais do not. 6. Do not rush to give or seek confidences. Thais like to smile and share laughter, which foreigners may construe as an invitation to greater intimacy than the Thai would be comfortable with. But Thai culture suggests that a controlled, civilized person will keep the social surface smooth and will avoid plumbing depths where unwelcome response may be awakened.

A Final Word. I cannot over emphasize the value of initiating and maintaining good personal relations in your daily contact with the Thai people, and of constantly reminding yourself that you are privileged to be a guest in what is THEIR country. Learn well, and put into daily practice, the Thai cultural behaviour patterns detailed above. You will be surprised how quickly the Thais, with whom you come into contact, will recognize your respect for, and genuine attempt to merge into, their culture, and in that process create a common culture which can be mutually shared; you will be rewarded with greater acceptance, and discover the warmth and friendships, which you had probably previously thought were unavailable to you. In my opinion, Thais too often provide a disproportionate share of the giving in the creation of this common culture and, arguably, also gain and benefit most in terms of cross cultural skills. They have quickly learned success in dealing with one group of foreigners, whether in business or socially, yields valuable lessons in dealing with the next.