Consolidated Jokes

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » October 28, 2018, 9:54 am

An elderly Italian man went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said:

“Father … During World War II a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighbourhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.”

The priest replied: “That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that!”

“There is more to tell, Father… she started to repay me with sexual favours. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.”

The priest said, “By doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.”

“Thank you, Father. That’s a great load off my mind. However, I do have one more question.”

“And what is that?” asked the priest.

“When should I tell her the war is over?”

AlexO
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by AlexO » October 30, 2018, 12:58 am

BREAKING NEWS !!!!

The French government have announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro-Disney. The decision comes a day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside Paris, caused soldiers at the nearby French army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.

bluejets
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by bluejets » October 30, 2018, 7:07 am

Brother went to a new doctor for his annual checkup.
Doctor asked "how often do you drink alcohol?"
Brother replied "once or twice a year."

Doctor asked " and when did you migrate to Australia?"

(true story)

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » November 5, 2018, 4:11 pm

A husband, admiring his naked body in the mirror, says to his wife, "Look at that, fourteen stone of pure dynamite!"

His wife replies, "****** shame about the two inch fuse!"

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » November 8, 2018, 7:11 pm

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » November 9, 2018, 10:57 am

DrcA9nDX4AAGDn-.jpg

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vidmaster
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by vidmaster » November 9, 2018, 5:08 pm

Police officer jumps into his car and calls the station to say he has an interest case
A wife has just shot her husband for stepping on the floor she has just mopped
The station sergeant asks if the officer has arrested her yet The officer says no because the floor is still wet😳😩🧐🤣

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » November 13, 2018, 6:11 pm

Four-year old Johnny was curious about her mother’s grey hairs. One day, he asked
her, “Mommy, why is some of your hair turning grey?”

The mother seized the opportunity to give him a life lesson. She replied, “You see, Johnny, every time a baby does something naughty, one of Mommy’s hair strand turns to grey.”

Johnny replied, “So that’s why grandmother has a head full of grey hair.”

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