Consolidated Jokes

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » March 5, 2019, 6:42 pm

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » March 5, 2019, 6:42 pm

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Last edited by 747man on March 5, 2019, 6:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » March 5, 2019, 6:46 pm

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » March 5, 2019, 7:52 pm

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » March 9, 2019, 3:49 pm

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vidmaster
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by vidmaster » March 9, 2019, 3:53 pm

You should have asked for Fu individual the waiter

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AlexO
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by AlexO » March 9, 2019, 6:11 pm

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says,
'We only have one rule here in heaven:
Don't step on the Ducks!'
So they enter heaven, and sure enough,
there are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a
duck, and although they try their best to avoid them,
The first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says,
'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is
to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'
The next day, the second woman steps
accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing.
With him is another extremely ugly man.
He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, very careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any Ducks.
But One day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on
.... Very tall, long Eyelashes, muscular.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says,
'I wonder what I did to deserve being Chained to you for all of Eternity?'
The guy says,
'I don't know about you, but I stepped on a Duck.'

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Stantheman
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by Stantheman » March 10, 2019, 7:55 am

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » March 10, 2019, 5:06 pm

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » March 12, 2019, 7:02 pm

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » March 12, 2019, 7:03 pm

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » March 14, 2019, 10:44 am

The Goalkeeper......
A soccer goalkeeper was walking along the street one day when he heard screams from a nearby building. He looked up to see smoke billowing from a fourth-floor window and a woman leaning out holding a baby.

“Help! Help!” screamed the woman, “I need someone to catch my baby!”

A crowd of onlookers had gathered, but none was confident about catching a baby dropped from such a great height. Then the goalkeeper, stepped forward.

“I’m a professional goalkeeper” he called to the woman, “I’m renowned for my safe hands. Drop the baby and I will catch it. For me, it will be just like catching a ball.”

The woman agreed: “Ok, then. When I drop my baby, treat it as if you were catching a ball.”

On count of three, the woman dropped the baby. Everyone held their breath as the goalkeeper lined himself up to catch it. There was a huge sigh of relief, followed by wild cheering as the goalkeeper caught the baby safely in his arms. Then he bounced it twice on the ground and kicked it 50 yards down the street!

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » March 15, 2019, 4:33 pm

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » March 15, 2019, 10:13 pm

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by stattointhailand » March 15, 2019, 10:22 pm

Stop, Think again by The Bee Gee's

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