Consolidated Joke Thread

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » June 3, 2018, 12:13 pm

A man walks into a w**rehouse looking for a little action and he goes up to the house owner and asks, “Hey, can I get a piece from one of your fine ladies you’ve got here?” “Sorry sir,” the owner responds, “but, we’re all full.” “Aw, please I really need some poon tang!” And the owner answers, “Well, there is one girl left but when you go meet her you have to wear this black c**dom.”

“Whatever,” the man answers quickly and races upstairs.

A few hours later the man comes down and says: ”Wow, that was great. She didn’t even make any noise. But why did I have to wear the black c**dom?”

And the owner answers, “Respect for the dead.”

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » June 3, 2018, 12:14 pm

dezzer111 wrote:
June 2, 2018, 9:59 pm
747man wrote:
June 2, 2018, 9:26 pm
One For Dezzer & The Other Deludes !!!DesBT8WW0AA3rTC.jpg
Very Droll mate can you remind me when to laugh :-k
29249988_1689789037724651_3680259542098116608_o.jpg

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » June 3, 2018, 4:56 pm

Me and the wife decided to make our own S*X tape, but she was pissed off when I started to hold auditions for her part.

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vidmaster
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by vidmaster » June 3, 2018, 5:13 pm

Husband and Wife were having marital problems so booked a session with a counselor
Counselor started by asking husband when he thought that things started to go wrong
He said it was soon after they bought a water bed
The counselor asked the wife if she agreed and she said yes, that’s when we started to drift apart

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UdonExpat
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by UdonExpat » June 15, 2018, 9:22 am

: *** after death



A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is *** after death.

Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.

True to his word, he made the first contact. “Nancy, Nancy?'

"Is that you, Ray?”

“Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

“That's wonderful! what's it like?”

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have ***. I have breakfast and then it’s off to the golf course.

I have *** again, bathe in the warm sun and then have *** a couple of more times.

Then I have lunch (you'd be proud -- lots of greens).

Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have *** the rest of the afternoon.

After supper, it's back to the golf course.

Then it's more *** until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again.”

“Oh, Ray! Are you in Heaven?”

“No, I'm a rabbit somewhere in Arizona."

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » June 16, 2018, 9:34 am

DfwidKyX4AMLdwi.jpg

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GT93
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by GT93 » June 17, 2018, 9:14 am

You're playing in the golf club championship tournament finals and the match is halved at the end of 17 holes.

You have the honour and hit your ball a modest two hundred fifty yards to the middle of the fairway, leaving a simple six iron to the pin. Your opponent then hits his ball, lofting it deep into the woods to the right of the fairway.

Being the golfing gentleman that you are, you help your opponent look for his ball. Just before the permitted five minute search period ends, your opponent says: "Go ahead and hit your second shot and if I don't find it in time, I'll concede the match." You hit your ball, landing it on the green, stopping about ten feet from the pin.

About the time your ball comes to rest, you hear your opponent exclaim from deep in the woods: "I found it!".

The second sound you hear is a click, the sound of a club striking a ball and the ball comes sailing out of the woods and lands on the green, stopping no more than six inches from the hole.

Now here is the ethical dilemma:.......

Do you pull the cheating bastard's ball out of your pocket and confront him with it or do you keep your mouth shut?

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stattointhailand
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by stattointhailand » June 17, 2018, 6:07 pm

What have Lionel Messi & Donald Trump got in common?

Neither has any control of the shooting going on around them

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vidmaster
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by vidmaster » June 17, 2018, 6:15 pm

Why did the Scotsman stop playing golf after 20 years?

He lost his ball😩😳🤪🤪🤪🤪

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » June 18, 2018, 12:30 pm

Polish football fans on a rampage in Moscow. Police say over 300 cars have been washed, waxed and hoovered

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by vidmaster » June 18, 2018, 3:49 pm

3 REASONS WHY GOLFERS PREFER A GOLF CART TO A CADDIE - IT CAN’T COUNT, CRITICISE OR LAUGH

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » June 18, 2018, 6:22 pm

Df-ARyGXUAEJZl-.jpg

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by stattointhailand » June 18, 2018, 7:02 pm

vidmaster wrote:
June 18, 2018, 3:49 pm
3 REASONS WHY GOLFERS PREFER A GOLF CART TO A CADDIE - IT CAN’T COUNT, CRITICISE OR LAUGH
Ah but a Golf Cart is nowhere near as much fun as a nice young caddy at the 19th & 20th :lol:

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by vidmaster » June 18, 2018, 7:07 pm

Can’t argue with that😉

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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by 747man » June 18, 2018, 9:42 pm

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