Consolidated Jokes

General Udon Thani topics only!
User avatar
747man
udonmap.com
Posts: 8762
Joined: March 25, 2007, 2:22 pm

Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » August 11, 2018, 8:51 pm

DkROfpvXoAAm55l.jpg

TJ
udonmap.com
Posts: 925
Joined: September 9, 2005, 9:16 am
Location: Udon Thani and USA
Contact:

Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by TJ » August 13, 2018, 8:28 am

Dear Abby, My husband hasn’t worked for the last 14 years. All he does is get dressed in the morning and hop in his fancy car to visit his cronies. I know he’s cheated on me many times with young girls who could be his granddaughters. I know this because he brags about this to me. He smokes fancy cigars and drinks the most expensive liquor day and night. We sleep in separate beds because he tells me he knows I’m a lesbian and besides that, my varicose veins and fat behind turns him off. > > Should I clobber him with something heavy, or should I just leave him alone? Your advice would be appreciated. > > Sincerely, > Mad as Hell > > >

Dear Mad as Hell, > > You don’t have to take that kind of treatment from any man. I suggest you pack your bags and move out a.s.a.p.! Don’t resort to violence and try to act more like a lady. > > Remember, you were almost elected President of the United States, so try acting like one. > >

AlexO
udonmap.com
Posts: 253
Joined: June 8, 2015, 11:45 am
Location: Nong Lat Udon

Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by AlexO » August 13, 2018, 11:10 am

TJ wrote:
August 13, 2018, 8:28 am
Dear Abby, My husband hasn’t worked for the last 14 years. All he does is get dressed in the morning and hop in his fancy car to visit his cronies. I know he’s cheated on me many times with young girls who could be his granddaughters. I know this because he brags about this to me. He smokes fancy cigars and drinks the most expensive liquor day and night. We sleep in separate beds because he tells me he knows I’m a lesbian and besides that, my varicose veins and fat behind turns him off. > > Should I clobber him with something heavy, or should I just leave him alone? Your advice would be appreciated. > > Sincerely, > Mad as Hell > > >

Dear Mad as Hell, > > You don’t have to take that kind of treatment from any man. I suggest you pack your bags and move out a.s.a.p.! Don’t resort to violence and try to act more like a lady. > > Remember, you were almost elected President of the United States, so try acting like one. > >
Ha Ha Ha
Nice one.

User avatar
stattointhailand
udonmap.com
Posts: 10307
Joined: October 25, 2007, 11:34 pm
Location: Oiling the locks on my gun case

Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by stattointhailand » August 13, 2018, 11:53 am

Dear Melania You married it you put up with it

User avatar
747man
udonmap.com
Posts: 8762
Joined: March 25, 2007, 2:22 pm

Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » August 13, 2018, 5:05 pm

I started a new job. My boss said "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky."

I said "My name's Louis, but people call me Dick."

She said "how do you get Dick from Louis?"

I replied "you just ask nicely."

User avatar
747man
udonmap.com
Posts: 8762
Joined: March 25, 2007, 2:22 pm

Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » August 13, 2018, 6:29 pm

DkP1z5oX0AE8X4W.jpg
.............. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

User avatar
stattointhailand
udonmap.com
Posts: 10307
Joined: October 25, 2007, 11:34 pm
Location: Oiling the locks on my gun case

Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by stattointhailand » August 13, 2018, 7:40 pm

A Man Utd Fan, a Liverpool fan and an Everton fan were climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves their team the most. The Man Utd fan insists he is the most loyal of them and yells "This is for the mighty United" and jumps off the mountain. Not to be outdone the Everton fan next professes his love for his team, He screams "This is for the Blue's everywhere" and pushes the Liverpool fan off the mountain

User avatar
stattointhailand
udonmap.com
Posts: 10307
Joined: October 25, 2007, 11:34 pm
Location: Oiling the locks on my gun case

Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by stattointhailand » August 13, 2018, 7:46 pm

What does a Liverpool supporter do when his his team has won the Premier League?

Turn off the playstation

User avatar
stattointhailand
udonmap.com
Posts: 10307
Joined: October 25, 2007, 11:34 pm
Location: Oiling the locks on my gun case

Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by stattointhailand » August 13, 2018, 7:54 pm

What do you say to a Liverpool supporter with a good looking bird on his arm?



Nice Tattoo

User avatar
stattointhailand
udonmap.com
Posts: 10307
Joined: October 25, 2007, 11:34 pm
Location: Oiling the locks on my gun case

Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by stattointhailand » August 13, 2018, 9:02 pm

Q: What is the difference between a Protestant woman and a Muslim woman?

A: Protestant woman get stoned before they commit adultery.

User avatar
stattointhailand
udonmap.com
Posts: 10307
Joined: October 25, 2007, 11:34 pm
Location: Oiling the locks on my gun case

Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by stattointhailand » August 13, 2018, 9:12 pm

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best *** in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!" Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!" Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!"

User avatar
stattointhailand
udonmap.com
Posts: 10307
Joined: October 25, 2007, 11:34 pm
Location: Oiling the locks on my gun case

Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by stattointhailand » August 13, 2018, 9:33 pm

Bad move by Trump, p*ssing off all the gays ............ now he'll never get that wig fixed

User avatar
747man
udonmap.com
Posts: 8762
Joined: March 25, 2007, 2:22 pm

Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » August 14, 2018, 1:42 pm

stattointhailand wrote:
August 13, 2018, 7:40 pm
A Man Utd Fan, a Liverpool fan and an Everton fan were climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves their team the most. The Man Utd fan insists he is the most loyal of them and yells "This is for the mighty United" and jumps off the mountain. Not to be outdone the Everton fan next professes his love for his team, He screams "This is for the Blue's everywhere" and pushes the Liverpool fan off the mountain
Ahhhhhhhhh !! But WHO Was the LiverFOOL Fan ?? I Know who I'd Push off given the chance..... :shock: :shock:

User avatar
747man
udonmap.com
Posts: 8762
Joined: March 25, 2007, 2:22 pm

Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » August 14, 2018, 2:32 pm

Dkf7-cJWsAUPNgZ.jpg

User avatar
747man
udonmap.com
Posts: 8762
Joined: March 25, 2007, 2:22 pm

Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » August 14, 2018, 2:38 pm

DkdimtIXcAA2XqU.jpg

Post Reply

Return to “General Udon Thani Forum”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests