Consolidated Jokes

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stattointhailand
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by stattointhailand » November 3, 2019, 7:02 pm

The new Brexit advent calendar is now available from Amazon ..... It's exactly the same as a regular advent calendar except all the windows are boarded up.



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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by stattointhailand » November 3, 2019, 7:05 pm

The UK has opted for a rare December general election. The last time that happened the average weekly wage was GBP 5 and the average price of a house was GBP 350

About the same as it is likely to be AFTER BREXIT

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by Drunk Monkey » November 3, 2019, 7:12 pm

STATTS .. Udons biggest REMOANER !!

WE VOTED LEAVE !! .. not half leave ...LEAVE .. deal or no deal and on WTO rules if ness .. thats what it said in the 2016 refo.
Claret n Blue all way thru .. Up the Iron
L2 Season 19/20 Codheads 0 Scunny 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2qrsItFUug
8 minutes is the point of lift off !!!!!!!

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by stattointhailand » November 3, 2019, 7:38 pm

Drunk Monkey wrote:
November 3, 2019, 7:12 pm
STATTS .. Udons biggest REMOANER !!

WE VOTED LEAVE !! .. not half leave ...LEAVE .. deal or no deal and on WTO rules if ness .. thats what it said in the 2016 refo.
We voted STAY in 1975. not half stay, not change our mind later, not give in when the going got tough ...... twas also the first and only time i've ever voted WITH the tories :shock: :-& :-$

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747man
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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » November 4, 2019, 6:09 pm

What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?

Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.

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Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » November 10, 2019, 7:07 pm

When I was a kid my dad used to tell me to keep my pocket money in a special money box under the stairs I was 15 before I found out it was our gas meter

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by Barney » November 11, 2019, 7:50 pm

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by Barney » November 11, 2019, 7:51 pm

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by stattointhailand » November 11, 2019, 10:15 pm

errr wheres all the jokes gone ???

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by stattointhailand » November 11, 2019, 10:19 pm

OK pannikover found em :roll:

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by GT93 » November 12, 2019, 12:54 pm

747man wrote:
November 4, 2019, 6:09 pm
What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?

Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.
Hopefully you're copying and pasting from the internet 747man. Readers would be hoping one of our more popular posters isn't posting from personal experience. :lol:

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by Barney » November 12, 2019, 3:41 pm

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » November 12, 2019, 5:17 pm

GT93 wrote:
November 12, 2019, 12:54 pm
747man wrote:
November 4, 2019, 6:09 pm
What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?

Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.
Hopefully you're copying and pasting from the internet 747man. Readers would be hoping one of our more popular posters isn't posting from personal experience. :lol:
Of Course I'm Copying & pasting from 'Tinternet GT,What kind of Guy do you think I Am..??
Meanwhile GT Get back to Yer Sheep..... :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by 747man » November 12, 2019, 10:57 pm

The man who invented predictive text has died.

His funfairs next monkey. May he rust in piss.

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by AlexO » November 13, 2019, 6:36 pm

The train was quite crowded, and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length
looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed
middle-aged French woman, but when he got there he saw it was taken by the
woman's poodle.
The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"
The French woman sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so
rude.. My little Fifi is using that seat.."
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat available was
under that dog. "Please, Ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired."
She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"
This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog,
tossed it out the train window and sat down.
The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honour! Put this American in his
place!"
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up. "Sir, you Americans seem to
have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong
hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you
seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out of the window."

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by vidmaster » November 14, 2019, 8:38 am

This any good?
Attachments
BC4344D3-DC3B-438D-9763-7AE1618A43B3.jpeg

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by vidmaster » November 15, 2019, 10:07 am

A man died and met St Peter at the Gates of Heaven, who explained, “Before you meet with God, I should tell you - we’ve looked over your life, and to be honest you really didn’t do anything particularly good or bad.
We’re not really sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?”

The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, “Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a person who was being harassed by a group of thugs.
So I pulled over, got out a bat, and went up to the leader of the thugs. He was a big, muscular guy with a ring pierced through his lip.
Well, I pulled the ring out of his lip, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering this guy or they would have to deal with me!”

“Wow that’s impressive said St Peter "when did this happen?”

“About three minutes ago,”😩😩🥴🥴🥴🤓🤓🤓

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by AlexO » November 17, 2019, 5:02 pm

This guy brings his best buddy home, unannounced, for dinner at 6:30pm, after work:
His wife screams her head off while his friend sits open mouthed and listens to the tirade.
"My bloody hair & makeup are not done, the house is a fecking mess, the dishes aren't done. Can't you see I'm still in my fecking pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight!
Why the feck did you bring him home unannounced you stupid idiot?"
He replied. "Because he's thinking of getting married."

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by stattointhailand » November 19, 2019, 2:35 pm

My gran phoned last night and seemed quite distressed, seems that she had spent two days going all over town trying to by some muslims .......... god knows what gramps will say when he doesn't get his steamed steak & kidney pud this week :roll:

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Re: Consolidated Jokes

Post by Drunk Monkey » November 20, 2019, 8:30 am

747man wrote:
November 12, 2019, 10:57 pm
The man who invented predictive text has died.

His funfairs next monkey. May he rust in piss.
Cant beat a good chortle in the morning ,, Despite being an Emerton fan , the strange accent , lilac shorts and rather tainted profession...... i love your contributions on this thread young Alan .

Just confirms as i thought .. searching for all the crackers you post ..YOU GOT TOO MUCH SPARE TIME ON YER HANDS

DM
Claret n Blue all way thru .. Up the Iron
L2 Season 19/20 Codheads 0 Scunny 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2qrsItFUug
8 minutes is the point of lift off !!!!!!!

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